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A review by avora
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
3.0
I have mixed feelings about this book. I liked how Chapman broke down human relationship needs into 5 basic groups and gave advice on how to communicate effectively for each one. I took away some valuable information, considering Will and I have very different primary love languages. Sometimes complex issues need to be broken down into simple terms.
On the other hand, while I was reading I had a sense of growing discomfort. There was some advice I didn't agree with in a couple of chapters:
1. Advocating that the couple fix their marriage when the husband had been cheating. He didn't even want to fix the marriage and only agreed to half-heartedly try AFTER his mistress dumped him and he was unable to reconcile with her. There was no talk of forgiveness or making amends.
2. The Jesus chapter with the woman who asked if you could love someone you hate. After finding out her husband's primary love language was physical, Chapman told her to have sex with her husband even though she didn't want to. He recited bible passages and literally told her that Jesus wanted her to use sex to fix her marriage.
It seemed like it was always the woman who bore the responsibility of saving the marriage. After reading the last Jesus chapter, it became obvious that a lot of the couples/women who come to him are highly religious (and want to avoid divorce at all costs). I know this is a book about making relationships stronger, but it would have been nice if he had admitted that not every relationship is worth saving-a couple of times it seemed like he sugar-coated possibly emotionally abusive situations. At worst, this book could be used as an excuse to stay in a really unhealthy marriage.
On the other hand, while I was reading I had a sense of growing discomfort. There was some advice I didn't agree with in a couple of chapters:
1. Advocating that the couple fix their marriage when the husband had been cheating. He didn't even want to fix the marriage and only agreed to half-heartedly try AFTER his mistress dumped him and he was unable to reconcile with her. There was no talk of forgiveness or making amends.
2. The Jesus chapter with the woman who asked if you could love someone you hate. After finding out her husband's primary love language was physical, Chapman told her to have sex with her husband even though she didn't want to. He recited bible passages and literally told her that Jesus wanted her to use sex to fix her marriage.
It seemed like it was always the woman who bore the responsibility of saving the marriage. After reading the last Jesus chapter, it became obvious that a lot of the couples/women who come to him are highly religious (and want to avoid divorce at all costs). I know this is a book about making relationships stronger, but it would have been nice if he had admitted that not every relationship is worth saving-a couple of times it seemed like he sugar-coated possibly emotionally abusive situations. At worst, this book could be used as an excuse to stay in a really unhealthy marriage.