A review by sydneythekydneybean
All Down Darkness Wide by Seán Hewitt

emotional reflective sad medium-paced

4.0

"My body and my queerness and my life became inseparable. Through that splitting away, I felt myself becoming irrevocably and radically whole."

Listening to Hewitt's words fills me with the same emotions as gazing upon a Rembrandt painting. Intense and realistic, Hewitt does not hold back on the guilt, the anguish, the uncertainty. It's a heavy book that is not easy to get through. It took me as long as it did because I needed the text to sit with me, to sit heavy on my soul as it did for Hewitt's. But Hewitt does not let us sit there for long, as he makes sure to remind us that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

What made this memoir stand out above similar memoirs I've read is the way Hewitt interweaves queer historical figures into his own story. Any opportunity I have to learn about those who came before us, I will take and Hewitt took his opportunity to bring forth Manley Hopkins, whose queer desires were a lifelong source of torment and shame, and Swedish poet Karin Boyes whose death by suicide was precipitated by the death of the woman she loved. There are always those who have touched us in some way, shaped our souls to resemble what they are today, and I'm glad Hewitt shared these influences with us. It rounded out the story better than I'd anticipated.

This book is for poetry lovers, those who live in a constant state of worry, unhealthy fans of Normal People, queer religious kids, and of course, those who have ever lived through or loved those with mental illness. And despite the difficult topics addressed, I came away from this novel with a renewed perspective and a new love for the queer community, for all of us living with mental illness, and for Seán Hewitt.