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A review by sarahm96
The Hurricane Wars by Thea Guanzon
4.0
**SPOILERS**
- This is giving CC vibes where all the world building is just shoved down your throat & you have no idea what the fuck is happening
- I associate the word squall with the Grishaverse so this is going to take a bit of getting used to
- If someone could explain a Lightweave to me that would be great
- I feel like we’re asking a lot of Talasyn
- Darius should not be a motivational speaker
- Ooooooh I do love dual POVs
- Alaric is a good name
- Frostplum is a weirdly whimsical town name & it does not match the vibe
- Light Sever is a strange word combination
- Still don’t know what a Shadowgate is so that’s fun
- Wow the girl is ~very smol~ & he is ~very tall~ no fucking way 😒🤮
- If I have to hear about their height difference every other page I will quit
- *clutches pearls* won’t someone think of the conquerors
- Darius gives turncoat vibes
- Using the word Sever is very confusing
- Hiking for five hours in hot weather is my nightmare
- Bantering while sword fighting has always seemed like a lot of effort to me
- Alaric reminds me of both Jace & Elias
- I dislike knowing when published novels are based on previous fanfics because then all I picture is the actual character
- In this case, Adam Driver
- Which I don’t love
- In this case, Adam Driver
- “Star-cut eyes” is a bit much my dude
- Talasyn is a party
- Alright if we’re only on chapter 6 & you’re already talking about his mouth it is game over for you Tally
- Starlit Majesty is a bit aggressive
- Well the plot has certainly been twisted
- Aha! I knew it was Darius, the little shit
- Okay, here’s the thing
- “Fortnight” is a useful word
- “Sennight” is not. Just say week!! Not everything needs a fancy name
- Two sails short of a full rig made me snort
- Interesting change of heart from Alaric
- Felt very out of left field; no flow
- Points to Ally for a dramatic exit
- Yes I’m nicknaming Alaric Ally for the sole purpose of having Ally & Tally
- I still have no idea why the wars are called the Hurricane Wars
- There is v little evidence of Hurricanes
- Okay sennight is getting on my last nerve
- Urduja is a party
- I like her
- Much like with Feyre, I understand how Alunsina is pronounced but I will not be pronouncing it that way
- Oh Ally you’re going to get to live with that embarrassment for the rest of your life sucker
- Oop he has a conscience that’s not good
- I don’t have time for romance guarantees that there will absolutely be romance
- Sun Buffalo just makes me imagine yellow Buffalo
- Hurting the dragons is rude
- Oh this is going to be fun when Ally figures out who Alunsina is
- Gaheris is a jerk
- Urduja gives Judi Dench vibes for reasons I cannot explain
- Okay but you are a silly child, Alaric, emperor or not. You’re like 12
- Not fucking likely
- Solid first words to your betrothed there Tally
- This is very entertaining
- These two really are enemies & that means the lovers part is really going to be a party
- Mathire needs to cool it
- You’re old & slow
- The world building is definitely confusing but the verbal sparring between Ally & Tally is hilarious
- Didn’t take much for the horniness to start on Ally’s part now did it
- Oop time for our regularly scheduled reminder that she is ~very small~ and he is ~very tall~ yawn
- Tally has some great insults tbh
- Girl your obsession with his mouth is v telling
- My friend just because he’s not a total alien doesn’t mean he’s a fixable project
- Improper use of the word decimated
- Aaaaaand now everyone’s mad
- Surprising insight from Sevraim
- Okay the words lush & plush are used too often on this dude’s mouth & I do not like it
- Oh boy here we go
- I’m pretty sure people don’t smell like mangoes, never mind ones dusted in flaky sea salt
- That is way too weirdly specific
- Dammit Sevraim they need to break the sexual tension
- Another regularly scheduled reminder of how large Ally is
- I lied we got two back to back pls kill me
- I don’t think rangy hips are a thing??
- The soup deflection was funny I will concede to that
- V surprised that Surakwel hasn’t been yeeted out of the banquet hall tbh
- To quote Aaron Burr: okay so we’re doing this
- I’m sure this is going to end well 🙄
- This Surakwel guy is a no from me
- Ahh yes, calling a girl a beautiful little idiot will really endear her to you
- You fuckwit
- Aaaaaaand ya lost me
- By the formidable maleness of him
- B A R F
- Now we’re cooking with gas
- Wow so Gaheris can get fucked
- Ally is clearly a fan of the low cut dress
- El oh el time for the sex talk
- If I had to drink every time Tally says lush mouth I would be dead
- Give it up my friend
- This is honestly one of the best enemies to lovers arc
- These two absolutely despise each other & wow does the author make you feel that hate
- I stg if I have to keep hearing about Ally’s large hands I’m going to throw myself off a bridge
- It’s always fun when they don’t think the other person’s attracted to them
- Well at least Tally gets straight to the point, if nothing else
- The next time you wish to be disrespected, you know where to find me
- I really hope this comes up in one of the sex scenes
- We do love a perpetually sullen boy
- Oop we have contact
- Did we really need to repeat warm and big twice? No. No we did not
- Dammit Ally
- Curse morally grey boys with dark hair, tortured pasts, & a sense of honour
- Ughh
- Curse morally grey boys with dark hair, tortured pasts, & a sense of honour
- This is some solid tension I am legit dying over here
- Okay I am all for praise & shit but I feel like war goddess is a tad much here
- I will concede that The look on his face was winter storm and wolf song is pretty baller
- Wow this only took thirty two chapters why so soon
- Well that was a disappointingly short scene
- So rude Thea
- Ahh yes, time for the regularly scheduled turmoil that comes with kissing your supposed mortal enemy
- Heavy emphasis on the supposed part
- Aaaaaaand we’re back to being real mean to each other
- There are six chapters left & I am v concerned that the things I need/want to happen are not going to happen
- *crosses fingers for wedding night shenanigans*
- Elagbi is surprisingly astute sometimes
- I wonder if Ally will find his mom
- Castigate is weirdly overused in this book
- Props to Alaric for not fainting when Tally showed up
- Oh god we’re down to four chapters help
- AH HAH
- “May the gods help me. Alaric resisted the urge to put his head in his hands in a fit of despair. I’m attracted to my wife.”
- Whomp whomp
- Ally my dude, someone hitting you on the knee does not qualify as a spanking
- Ughh not the manspreading
- Well Alaric is absolutely going to pass out when he sees Talasyn in lingerie so this should be fun
- Listen if I got forced into lingerie after already being forced to marry the dude that destroyed my home continent, I would also be pretty grumpy
- Oh dear
- Here we go
- I actually think I’m going to go back & count how many times castigate is used because now I can’t un-notice it
- Okay as a general rule I despise the whole kissing to shut someone up thing but in this case I actually think it was a good call
- Plus it’s like 600 pages overdue so 🤷🏻♀️
- Ahh yes, god forbid we forget how ~big~ he is & how ~small~ she is 🙄
- I think my eyeballs might get stuck in the back of my head at this rate
- I am absolutely taking off half a star for using ‘hard length’ twice in the span of three paragraphs
- “She knew only that the winter of her soul burst into springtime flowers the moment that he captured her lips in another shattering kiss”
- I’m sorry but that sentence is ridiculous
- Okay Tala is sweet 🥹🥹
- However
- ‘You’re soaked, beautiful girl’ is just flat out weird
- IT GOT WORSE OH MY GOD
- ‘My wet little wife’ actually made me gag goodbye no thank you
- Wow it’s been like 5 pages since we were reminded how large Ally is how did we survive
- I remain adamant that we do not always need to know the size of the peen
- Well if nothing else at least there was no fabric comparisons
- Oh dear
- Tally my girl you need to sort your shit out because regardless of mortal enemy status, pushing someone away from you after sex is just plain rude
- You know, I could have gone my whole life without reading the words here fingers were still sticky with his spend but here we are 🫠
- Hellcat is a fair description of Talasyn
- These two need to be slapped upside the head
- Ally is so in love with Tally it’s actually kind of gross but also very adorable
- I had almost forgotten about Gaheris & his horribleness, but alas, we get one last reminder
- This is why I only read series that are finished because cliffhangers are GARBAGE