A review by christalbotheindl
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern

challenging emotional informative reflective slow-paced

4.5

This book was suggested to me as someone practicing consensual nonmonogamy again after 17 years of monogamy, and it was really incredible to read such a concise explanation of attachment styles and how my childhood trauma impacted it. While it's in the title, I was expecting that to be more about attachment and trauma in relationships and less a breakdown of how our childhoods determine how we see the world and ourselves in it. It was incredibly illuminating. 

I also appreciated the suggestions for reflection that help you determine why you are practicing consensual nonmonogamy, what you need from each partner vs what they provide and can provide, what each partner needs from you vs what you provide and can provide. I found it illuminating to read the chapters and reflect on the questions. It also informed me of what I wasn't getting in my attached relationship when my relationship was monogamous and how ridiculous it was of me to feel resentment towards my partner for not providing it — so I believe it will strengthen my already existing marriage as well, by helping me understand the nature of that relationship and what we share in it.
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