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A review by dsuttles
Fattily Ever After: A Black Fat Girl's Guide to Living Life Unapologetically by Stephanie Yeboah
4.0
Great read and another excellent addition to the growing body of work on fat acceptance and body liberation!
As a white woman, my key takeaways were how sizeism and fat hate affect women of color -- so I would recommend this book to other white women who are looking to continue their education on their privilege and improving their anti-racist outlook. For example:
Stephanie shines a light on the real prevalence of eating disorders among women of color. Our poster child for eating disorders is a thin, frail white girl a la Alice in Wonderland - but the reality is many girls of color struggle with eating disorders too. One of the things Stephanie mentions is how there is unfortunately mental health stigma present in many African American and Afro-Caribbean communities, which may make it difficult for women and girls of color + size to feel like they have a safe space to talk about their issues. This was true for Stephanie, who was raised by Ghanaian parents.
In addition to that, of course, is medical establishment bias. Doctors don't even ask young women of color about their eating disorder symptoms, which goes along seamlessly with doctors ignoring the pain and experiences of people in color in general. Due to what I assume is a blind spot of white privilege, I was surprised to learn that black teenagers are 50% more likely than white teenagers to exhibit bulimic behaviors. Chapter 7 has some devastating stories from a variety of women of color, which really I could not do justice by recapping here. Read them for yourself. They are awful. As someone who regularly experience fatphobic bias from American doctors, I believe them all.
Unfortunately, white women like myself sometimes have this mythological understanding of WOC being so confident and secure in their bodies. We act like they have it easier because their "culture" accepts them, black men love curves, etc. But this is all myth and it's rooted in racist ideology. Indeed, in another chapter on dating Stephanie talks about how black men in her experience are only interested in fat white women (perhaps because of the social leverage that comes with being with a white person). While she had one partner leave her for another black woman of size, it was because that woman's "curves" were in the right places. She helps explain, through anecdote and a basic intersectional lens, how fat black women are on the bottom of the mainstream social desirability pyramid. That affects their experience in every aspect of life, including work, school, and dating. (As a fat woman myself, I can say I was NOT surprised by the types of comments she got on dating apps. Those were par for the course in my experience too).
That is not to say there are no WOC who are genuinely confident in their bodies. In chapter 6, Stephanie interviews Natasha Devon MBE on mental health and weight. Devon shares her experience growing up with 2 tall, fat, black Aunties who "carry themselves like Queens" but later realizes "their attitude must have been the result of a lot of previous struggle for acceptance." My takeaway here was that even when we do see WOC with that "confidence" we must be mindful about where it comes from. We shouldn't exploit black women's pain by celebrating their triumph over marginalization; they're not here for our inspiration. As Stephanie says, "Lifelong battles with multiple sets of beauty standards leave many black womxn with no choice but to engage in disordered eating in an effort to almost... 'correct' our 'fundamentally flawed' bodies." We should be analyzing why the world is so shit to black women and then figuring out how we can change that. We should stop glamorizing the myth of the strong black woman.
So overall, I really enjoyed the book and devoured it in just a couple days. That said, I did have 2 criticisms that I would like to mention:
1. Stephanie uses the word "overweight" a few times in the book to describe both herself and others. She does acknowledge the problematic medicalization of the terms obese/obesity, so I'm not sure why "overweight" still gets incorporated into her lexicon. It made me a little uneasy when I first encountered it. I don't think it spoils her overall message and it is used only a few times, but fair warning to anyone else who is triggered by it.
2. Stephanie uses the term "womxn" but never really explains what she means by it. I think - and this is me stretching back to my undergrad days - the spelling choice is meant to be inclusive. I think I've seen "womyn" before too, as a way to disassociate from the idea (linguistic or otherwise) that women are just slightly modified men. I also see folx used in trans and non-binary communities as a way to promote inclusivity of all, well... "folx" on the gender spectrum. I can't say I fully understand what her intention was behind it, so I do wish there had been a short explanation at the beginning.
Finally, I would like to add that the book's design is super fun and colorful. All the graphics and illustrations in it give it a special flair. I got a hardcover copy that had one of those built-in bookmarks, which I love. Also, the cover has slightly raised lettering and decals, so you can run your fingers across it. It's just the kind of book that feels good in your hands and a treat for the eyes. I can see a lot of younger women and girls picking it up and feeling drawn in; it's a beautiful thought. :)
As a white woman, my key takeaways were how sizeism and fat hate affect women of color -- so I would recommend this book to other white women who are looking to continue their education on their privilege and improving their anti-racist outlook. For example:
Stephanie shines a light on the real prevalence of eating disorders among women of color. Our poster child for eating disorders is a thin, frail white girl a la Alice in Wonderland - but the reality is many girls of color struggle with eating disorders too. One of the things Stephanie mentions is how there is unfortunately mental health stigma present in many African American and Afro-Caribbean communities, which may make it difficult for women and girls of color + size to feel like they have a safe space to talk about their issues. This was true for Stephanie, who was raised by Ghanaian parents.
In addition to that, of course, is medical establishment bias. Doctors don't even ask young women of color about their eating disorder symptoms, which goes along seamlessly with doctors ignoring the pain and experiences of people in color in general. Due to what I assume is a blind spot of white privilege, I was surprised to learn that black teenagers are 50% more likely than white teenagers to exhibit bulimic behaviors. Chapter 7 has some devastating stories from a variety of women of color, which really I could not do justice by recapping here. Read them for yourself. They are awful. As someone who regularly experience fatphobic bias from American doctors, I believe them all.
Unfortunately, white women like myself sometimes have this mythological understanding of WOC being so confident and secure in their bodies. We act like they have it easier because their "culture" accepts them, black men love curves, etc. But this is all myth and it's rooted in racist ideology. Indeed, in another chapter on dating Stephanie talks about how black men in her experience are only interested in fat white women (perhaps because of the social leverage that comes with being with a white person). While she had one partner leave her for another black woman of size, it was because that woman's "curves" were in the right places. She helps explain, through anecdote and a basic intersectional lens, how fat black women are on the bottom of the mainstream social desirability pyramid. That affects their experience in every aspect of life, including work, school, and dating. (As a fat woman myself, I can say I was NOT surprised by the types of comments she got on dating apps. Those were par for the course in my experience too).
That is not to say there are no WOC who are genuinely confident in their bodies. In chapter 6, Stephanie interviews Natasha Devon MBE on mental health and weight. Devon shares her experience growing up with 2 tall, fat, black Aunties who "carry themselves like Queens" but later realizes "their attitude must have been the result of a lot of previous struggle for acceptance." My takeaway here was that even when we do see WOC with that "confidence" we must be mindful about where it comes from. We shouldn't exploit black women's pain by celebrating their triumph over marginalization; they're not here for our inspiration. As Stephanie says, "Lifelong battles with multiple sets of beauty standards leave many black womxn with no choice but to engage in disordered eating in an effort to almost... 'correct' our 'fundamentally flawed' bodies." We should be analyzing why the world is so shit to black women and then figuring out how we can change that. We should stop glamorizing the myth of the strong black woman.
So overall, I really enjoyed the book and devoured it in just a couple days. That said, I did have 2 criticisms that I would like to mention:
1. Stephanie uses the word "overweight" a few times in the book to describe both herself and others. She does acknowledge the problematic medicalization of the terms obese/obesity, so I'm not sure why "overweight" still gets incorporated into her lexicon. It made me a little uneasy when I first encountered it. I don't think it spoils her overall message and it is used only a few times, but fair warning to anyone else who is triggered by it.
2. Stephanie uses the term "womxn" but never really explains what she means by it. I think - and this is me stretching back to my undergrad days - the spelling choice is meant to be inclusive. I think I've seen "womyn" before too, as a way to disassociate from the idea (linguistic or otherwise) that women are just slightly modified men. I also see folx used in trans and non-binary communities as a way to promote inclusivity of all, well... "folx" on the gender spectrum. I can't say I fully understand what her intention was behind it, so I do wish there had been a short explanation at the beginning.
Finally, I would like to add that the book's design is super fun and colorful. All the graphics and illustrations in it give it a special flair. I got a hardcover copy that had one of those built-in bookmarks, which I love. Also, the cover has slightly raised lettering and decals, so you can run your fingers across it. It's just the kind of book that feels good in your hands and a treat for the eyes. I can see a lot of younger women and girls picking it up and feeling drawn in; it's a beautiful thought. :)