A review by marginalian
The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center by Rhaina Cohen

emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective fast-paced

3.75

This book contains around eight stories of deep relationships outside marriages and romantic relationships we are so used to see at the centre of everything. One of my favourite paragraphs from the book summarises the problem with this centering of romance:

"Ivy plants will always follow whatever trellis you give them.... But if they don't have a trellis, they look for light..... A lot of us follow a societal trellis that is not actually ideal for who we are and what helps us thrive... " 

This book is filled with stories of people who showed the courage to follow the light, instead of the trellis. Thus, they were able to build lives "uniquely beautiful" for them. She even cites historical examples of relationships other than romantic ones. The author wants us to acknowledge our valuable friendships and dislodge our fixed ideas about what fulfilling relationships could be. 

It is not a completely rosy picture of these relationships either, as the book also shows how the law and culture severely limit such relationships.  

But I did feel that the chapters were needlessly long at times. There were times when I said to myself, "Okay, Cohen, I got your point, thank you. Move on." The chapter on grief was bit confusing too. I couldn't fully understand what's going on with M and the author at the time. There was less clarity.

Still, this is an important book because there aren't many books like this which shows us how people have always been trying "to detach from the trellis and grow towards the light", and we should also consider these questions asked by Ellen Willis:

Why do we choose what we choose?
What would we choose if we had a real choice?