A review by ourxstorybegins
A Woman Is No Man, by Etaf Rum
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
4.0
A Woman Is No Man follows three generations of Palestinian-American women -- Fareeda, Isra, and Deya -- and their experiences dealing with expectations of their culture and violence from the men closest to them.
Isra comes to America from Palestine in the early 90's after marrying Adam. The small amount of time we spend with Isra's family shows that her parents consider her a burden since she can't support the family like their sons are able to. She is hopeful that things will change as she moves to Brooklyn with her family, but as she starts giving birth to only girls, she becomes the victim of physical abuse from her husband as well as verbal abuse from her mother-in-law, Fareeda. We meet Deya, Isra's oldest daughter, in 2008. Isra and Adam have died, and Fareeda is now taking care of all four of their daughters. Again, we see the ongoing attitude that a woman's ultimate goal in life is marriage and children (sons, specifically). Deya has some memories of her parents, but as the book progresses we learn more about Isra's abuse, subsequent depression, and what led to the death of her and her husband.
SPOILER-FILLED REVIEW:
There was one actually good experience: Once Deya learned the truth about her parents, she was able to stand up to her grandparents, get the full truth that Sarah didn't know, and determine what she actually wanted in her life and go for it. By the end of Deya's story in the book, we can see that she was taking the first steps to finally break the cycle that had been going for far too long with this family.
This was a really hard book to read! I had to take a lot of breaks to get through it due to how dark the themes were. As a white woman, there were just some things about this story that I couldn't fully wrap my head around. Nonetheless, this story was important and I do highly recommend it.
Isra comes to America from Palestine in the early 90's after marrying Adam. The small amount of time we spend with Isra's family shows that her parents consider her a burden since she can't support the family like their sons are able to. She is hopeful that things will change as she moves to Brooklyn with her family, but as she starts giving birth to only girls, she becomes the victim of physical abuse from her husband as well as verbal abuse from her mother-in-law, Fareeda. We meet Deya, Isra's oldest daughter, in 2008. Isra and Adam have died, and Fareeda is now taking care of all four of their daughters. Again, we see the ongoing attitude that a woman's ultimate goal in life is marriage and children (sons, specifically). Deya has some memories of her parents, but as the book progresses we learn more about Isra's abuse, subsequent depression, and what led to the death of her and her husband.
SPOILER-FILLED REVIEW:
Spoiler
There were multiple times where I was waiting for some kind of plot twist, but it never really came. I hoped Isra faked her death -- while the story of her death was a lie, the death did indeed happen. I looked forward to Fareeda's perspective so that I could better understand her behaviors, but she was so deeply engrained in the patriarchal and abusive expectations set up by generations before her (as well as the major guilt she felt for the death of her first children), her chapters ended up making me dislike her even more. I hoped Adam came around and had some positive moments with her toward the end of their lives -- he ended up murdering her (and later killing himself) after she tried to escape from him with their daughters. Most times when something positive happened, it was always overshadowed by something painful or by Isra's fear.There was one actually good experience: Once Deya learned the truth about her parents, she was able to stand up to her grandparents, get the full truth that Sarah didn't know, and determine what she actually wanted in her life and go for it. By the end of Deya's story in the book, we can see that she was taking the first steps to finally break the cycle that had been going for far too long with this family.
This was a really hard book to read! I had to take a lot of breaks to get through it due to how dark the themes were. As a white woman, there were just some things about this story that I couldn't fully wrap my head around. Nonetheless, this story was important and I do highly recommend it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Violence, Death of parent, and Misogyny
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Emotional abuse, Pregnancy, Child death, Alcoholism, and Murder