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A review by coralrose
Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness by Jessica Valenti
3.0
Oh. I have SO many things to say.
There were some things about this book I really loved. Particularly, a comment of hers about people who don't vaccinate. While she was obviously pro-vaccination, she pointed out that it makes sense for moms especially to be skeptical of the medical community - after all, they just had children. She talks about the maternal mortality rate in the U.S. (it's horrible - it's safer in Kuwait than in the United States to give birth. Let that sink in.) When the medical community fails you at your most vulnerable, it makes sense that you will protect your most vulnerable family member from them.
There were other things that I really did not love. Valenti is a new mom - birthed her first child WHILE writing this book, and it obviously colored her approach and perspective. (Take, for example, her discussion of breastfeeding - she posits that babies who are breastfed are healthier because they have mothers with the time and support to breastfeed, not because they are breastfed. If they had done a study about women who formula fed who had similar jobs and time, I would probably have lent this more credibility.)
Also, I felt that Valenti lacked credibility to make some of her statements. I, too, am a brand new mom. I have a 19 week old who is the light of my world. I would not state anything about the entirety of motherhood. I don't know the entirety. I only know my son, a particular individual among billions, and 19 weeks of his childhood. So when she makes statements such as "I will not argue when someone says that mothering is hard. But let's be honest - it's not the hardest." (p. 63) I don't know that a mother of one, a mother of one INFANT has the credibility to make that blanket statement for all mothers. It's not the hardest thing FOR YOU. Raising your daughter is not the most important thing you'll do FOR YOU. But you can't say whether motherhood is the hardest thing for the single mom of three who is working and going to school and whose job is a 45 hour a week desk job rather than a free-lance writing job.
I agree that we need to work on making working motherhood more viable, more flexible and less guilt-ridden, but I think we should be cautious not to say more than the credibility lent to us by life.
There were some things about this book I really loved. Particularly, a comment of hers about people who don't vaccinate. While she was obviously pro-vaccination, she pointed out that it makes sense for moms especially to be skeptical of the medical community - after all, they just had children. She talks about the maternal mortality rate in the U.S. (it's horrible - it's safer in Kuwait than in the United States to give birth. Let that sink in.) When the medical community fails you at your most vulnerable, it makes sense that you will protect your most vulnerable family member from them.
There were other things that I really did not love. Valenti is a new mom - birthed her first child WHILE writing this book, and it obviously colored her approach and perspective. (Take, for example, her discussion of breastfeeding - she posits that babies who are breastfed are healthier because they have mothers with the time and support to breastfeed, not because they are breastfed. If they had done a study about women who formula fed who had similar jobs and time, I would probably have lent this more credibility.)
Also, I felt that Valenti lacked credibility to make some of her statements. I, too, am a brand new mom. I have a 19 week old who is the light of my world. I would not state anything about the entirety of motherhood. I don't know the entirety. I only know my son, a particular individual among billions, and 19 weeks of his childhood. So when she makes statements such as "I will not argue when someone says that mothering is hard. But let's be honest - it's not the hardest." (p. 63) I don't know that a mother of one, a mother of one INFANT has the credibility to make that blanket statement for all mothers. It's not the hardest thing FOR YOU. Raising your daughter is not the most important thing you'll do FOR YOU. But you can't say whether motherhood is the hardest thing for the single mom of three who is working and going to school and whose job is a 45 hour a week desk job rather than a free-lance writing job.
I agree that we need to work on making working motherhood more viable, more flexible and less guilt-ridden, but I think we should be cautious not to say more than the credibility lent to us by life.