A review by seawarrior
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
My Dark Vanessa illustrates a relentless and necessary portrait of a grooming survivor who remains tangled in the web of lies her groomer presented as love, even as she grows into an adult. This book is a bared-teeth, growling response to the lush literary canon that mythologizes young girls, asserting that they have a corruptible power over the adult men who do not see them as anything more than an imprintable sexual fantasy. It was difficult to read this book, and has been even more difficult not to continue pouring over it in my head once I finished it.
Russell's use of language, symbols and respected literary texts is purposeful and horrifying. With each violation made by her teacher I felt genuine fear for Vanessa, yet still understood why she ignored her own worries to please this man who made her feel singled out and special. The complexities of grooming are on full display in this story. Vanessa's abuser's words are strategic and intentional, and Russell ensures that we understand the weight of them on Vanessa's life each time. I appreciated that Vanessa was not a hero. She is a woman whose development as a girl was interrupted by a predator, who is slowly learning to remove the veil of "love story" to understand her predation as it truly happened. She is also a deeply flawed person who is denying herself the growth necessary to build healthier relationships with herself and others. She is vengeful, yet turns her anger to those undeserving while repeatedly acquitting her groomer. She understands she was violated, yet tells herself she wanted this, she is being loved, she is nothing like a true victim, in order to spare herself the pain of admitting her hurt. Her story does not end with a rushed exacting of revenge that would feel insultingly unrealistic. Instead, we leave Vanessa as she is slowly learning to forgive herself and those who tried to help her, and start a life that her predator will never see, never touch and never know.
I would recommend this book only to those prepared to read graphic depictions of underage sexual exploitation. Russell writes these passages for us to simultaneously understand how Vanessa is being taken advantage of and why she feels that she isn't, why she feels responsibility for what a much older man has primed her to tolerate. These scenes are written with a thick disgust instead of titillation, but I understand that they may still be too disturbing for people to expose themselves to.
In conclusion, this is the only novel I've read where I felt genuine, raw grief for the protagonist to the extent that it was difficult to remind myself that her story was fiction. Yet while Vanessa is fictional, there are too many girls in this world who share her story, or who were at risk to be similarly preyed on as they formed their teenage identities around romanticized depictions of underage sexual exploitation. Russel states in her acknowledgements that she thanks "the Los I've met over the years who carry within them similar histories of abuse that looked like love, who see themselves in Dolores Haze. This book was written for nobody but you". Her story has been needed for so long, by so many people, so they may recognize the carnivorous horror of grooming for what it truly is. This is a sickening but triumphant book to experience.
Russell's use of language, symbols and respected literary texts is purposeful and horrifying. With each violation made by her teacher I felt genuine fear for Vanessa, yet still understood why she ignored her own worries to please this man who made her feel singled out and special. The complexities of grooming are on full display in this story. Vanessa's abuser's words are strategic and intentional, and Russell ensures that we understand the weight of them on Vanessa's life each time. I appreciated that Vanessa was not a hero. She is a woman whose development as a girl was interrupted by a predator, who is slowly learning to remove the veil of "love story" to understand her predation as it truly happened. She is also a deeply flawed person who is denying herself the growth necessary to build healthier relationships with herself and others. She is vengeful, yet turns her anger to those undeserving while repeatedly acquitting her groomer. She understands she was violated, yet tells herself she wanted this, she is being loved, she is nothing like a true victim, in order to spare herself the pain of admitting her hurt. Her story does not end with a rushed exacting of revenge that would feel insultingly unrealistic. Instead, we leave Vanessa as she is slowly learning to forgive herself and those who tried to help her, and start a life that her predator will never see, never touch and never know.
I would recommend this book only to those prepared to read graphic depictions of underage sexual exploitation. Russell writes these passages for us to simultaneously understand how Vanessa is being taken advantage of and why she feels that she isn't, why she feels responsibility for what a much older man has primed her to tolerate. These scenes are written with a thick disgust instead of titillation, but I understand that they may still be too disturbing for people to expose themselves to.
In conclusion, this is the only novel I've read where I felt genuine, raw grief for the protagonist to the extent that it was difficult to remind myself that her story was fiction. Yet while Vanessa is fictional, there are too many girls in this world who share her story, or who were at risk to be similarly preyed on as they formed their teenage identities around romanticized depictions of underage sexual exploitation. Russel states in her acknowledgements that she thanks "the Los I've met over the years who carry within them similar histories of abuse that looked like love, who see themselves in Dolores Haze. This book was written for nobody but you". Her story has been needed for so long, by so many people, so they may recognize the carnivorous horror of grooming for what it truly is. This is a sickening but triumphant book to experience.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Gaslighting, Pedophilia, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Stalking and Animal death
Minor: Injury/Injury detail, Bullying, Death of parent, Fatphobia, Grief, and Medical content