Scan barcode
A review by reads2cope
Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler
This book is an interesting time capsule of COVID-19 policies. I wasn't expecting to hear so much about how COVID impacted her hospitalization and how Tendler questioned the lack of clear COVID-19 guidelines at her facilities. It was disappointing how in the end she then quickly jumped to declare COVID-19 a worry of the past (as of this writing, the WHO still classifies COVID-19 as a pandemic, excess deaths remain higher than expected, and Long COVID is disabling more and more, etc.) Having this reflection from the early days of the pandemic is especially important as most people seem set on ignoring not only the ongoing impacts of COVID but also the fear and grief from that time.
The other aspects of the memoir mostly focus on Tendler's mental health journey and how men in her lief have wronged her. The mental health portion was heart-wrenching, but her ableism also made this hard to process. Instead of reclaiming the word "crazy," Tendler titled this book to attack men, not to topple the toxic view society has of people struggling with their mental health. She also used slurs against people with cerebral palsy and against people with other disabilities.
The men in her life have certainly done her wrong, but her conclusion that all men suck was shockingly surface level for someone who has such a strong relationship to different spiritual practices and went through so much therapy. This view also felt confusing - perhaps Tendler should spend less time with straight cis men and she might find better community in a queerer definition of manhood.
It was also strange to read her passionate tirades against men as it became clearer that her mother was the root of many of her insecurities and mental health struggles. Reading about how she was better able to navigate their relationship after she learned coping mechanisms and found more understanding in the emotions behind her mother's actions was refreshing, but it seemed something Tendler was unwilling to explicitly write about.
Tendler also refused to address any information about her divorce, beyond mentioning at parts that she had a husband and later that she was going through a divorce. After getting such an in-depth look at her past relationships, this also made the book feel off-balance, though I can see there could be many reasons she was unwilling or unable to write about that particular relationship.
Knowing Tendler as an artist, I was excited to hear more about her creative process, but this also felt under-discussed. When Tendler talked about her photography, interior design, hair and make-up work, or other projects, it was typically offered as something she was curious to do once, sometimes accidentally found monetary success, and so continued to do until it became uncomfortable or unbearable. I wish there was more introspection on why she was pushed to create and what these different art forms gave her, but maybe that is something that will come later.
The other aspects of the memoir mostly focus on Tendler's mental health journey and how men in her lief have wronged her. The mental health portion was heart-wrenching, but her ableism also made this hard to process. Instead of reclaiming the word "crazy," Tendler titled this book to attack men, not to topple the toxic view society has of people struggling with their mental health. She also used slurs against people with cerebral palsy and against people with other disabilities.
The men in her life have certainly done her wrong, but her conclusion that all men suck was shockingly surface level for someone who has such a strong relationship to different spiritual practices and went through so much therapy. This view also felt confusing - perhaps Tendler should spend less time with straight cis men and she might find better community in a queerer definition of manhood.
It was also strange to read her passionate tirades against men as it became clearer that her mother was the root of many of her insecurities and mental health struggles. Reading about how she was better able to navigate their relationship after she learned coping mechanisms and found more understanding in the emotions behind her mother's actions was refreshing, but it seemed something Tendler was unwilling to explicitly write about.
Tendler also refused to address any information about her divorce, beyond mentioning at parts that she had a husband and later that she was going through a divorce. After getting such an in-depth look at her past relationships, this also made the book feel off-balance, though I can see there could be many reasons she was unwilling or unable to write about that particular relationship.
Knowing Tendler as an artist, I was excited to hear more about her creative process, but this also felt under-discussed. When Tendler talked about her photography, interior design, hair and make-up work, or other projects, it was typically offered as something she was curious to do once, sometimes accidentally found monetary success, and so continued to do until it became uncomfortable or unbearable. I wish there was more introspection on why she was pushed to create and what these different art forms gave her, but maybe that is something that will come later.