A review by cassandrekrier
Magnolia Parks by Jessa Hastings

emotional slow-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? Character
  • Strong character development? No
  • Loveable characters? No
  • Diverse cast of characters? Yes
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
if you’ve come to this review to see if you should read this book, i unfortunately cannot answer. in short, this book could be summarized from the dialogue in chapter 61 (mind you, this is 400+ pages in already): 
-“Are you trying to hurt her?”
-“No.”
-“Are you trying to see how robust your love is?”
-“No.”
-“Then what the fuck are you doing?”
as you can see, truly riveting stuff 🙃

however, i’ve fallen into a grey category of being unable to classify my own subjective feelings on this book. sure, it gave way to exactly what it promised: a toxic push-pull relationship, london socialites, people with maladaptive coping skills and an unlimited budget that somehow couldn’t include therapy. and i really want to emphasize that NOTHING the characters did was healthy or respectful to their love for each other. NONE OF IT. they sought to hurt each other and the ending was sheer whiplash. on that, i absolutely detested the book. there was nothing except for toxicity and hurt.

yet this book made me think a lot about my own relationships in love. it had me questioning whether i really was able to grow throughout my past relationships and want to dig deeper into the insecurities that i currently have on love — if only to avoid becoming like Magnolia or Beej. 

the main things that irked me in this book included Magnolia being blamed for other people attaching to her/loving her, Magnolia getting gaslight while being upset that the “love of her life” was cheating on her (and had sex in front of her w another girl), and the inability of any of the characters to come clean about previous acts of cheating. 

i could say more on the bullshit that is the lackluster plot, but other people can dig deeper on it. i don’t believe Beej will ever deserve a minute of Magnolia’s time.

howeveerrrrr, the writing was good. some of the quotes in the book were really nice. for instance;
—>“I think about kissing Magnolia Parks more than I think about anything else, literally in the world. It's my go-to thought when my mind has a minute to spare. Actual kisses that happened, hypothetical kisses that could have happened, kisses that should have happened, kisses that are completely fabricated and they just drift into my mind while I'm waiting for a coffee.” 

and there were other quotes that brought me a quiet, but punishing comfort on my own state of life&love;
—>“There are things I should say. I owe him more information, but I don't want to give it to him for fear of what it says about me how expendable I am to even the person who I thought loved me more than everyone else. Because he wanted to [hurt me].”

on jealousy and previous partners, this quote i felt made me think the most about my own insecurities (the whole chapter on this was super well written);
—>”Why her? Where did he kiss her? Where did her hair fall on his body? Did he hold her hand how he holds mine when we have sex? Did he look at her? Eyes open, watching her? Did he come? What was he thinking when he did? How stupid am I?”

on being a hopeless romantic;
—>”Leaving him behind was never going to happen passively, I could have told you that from the start. Leaving him would always involve pain, an act of violence, like ripping my heart from my own chest, leaving it on a bench somewhere, hoping for the best until I could make it to a hospital and be patched up, but I don't think you can live too long with your heart outside of your chest.” 
—>”Can you die from a broken heart, do you know? And if I did and they cut me wide open, would I bleed loving him? When they lift my heart out of my chest to weigh it, does it weigh the same as his top lip? Is his name carved into my third rib to the left? Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh. He’s killing me. Loving him is killing me. And I’m afraid because how many loves really, do you get in a lifetime? How many chances do you give it before you let go?”

on struggling to process unexpected feelings and the pain associated with not knowing what could be;
—>”I love being touched by him; I want to be touched by him. And held by him and kissed by him and had by him. And now I’m losing him, and my skin feels like there’s acid on it. It took me so long to stave off the wildfire for him in my belly and now it’s back and it can’t be. But I’ll douse it out however I need to, because I’ll never have him again. This is the end.”

and lastly on love overall;
—>”I'll love him 'til I die, love him it consumes me whole and kills me dead — so maybe love doesn’t conquer all but just some. Because all is vast and love is so varied, like light in a prism; if you move it around a room, depending on how it catches, it changes. It means different things and there are so many different things love can be to people.”
—> “I know that some love is beautiful, and some is freeing, some unravels you, some love poisons you, some blinds you, some betters you, and some loves break you in invisible ways that no one else knows about until you have to stand up and the weight of your love crushes your bones.”

overall, i think the quotes speak louder without context, because the context is terrible and frustrating. i actively cannot recommend this book, but if you so choose to read, please take care and recognize that this relationship is doomed from the start. 

so. cheers to anyone who is a hopeless romantic, who is waiting for someone else to make up their mind, or is getting your heart broken. may you find peace, though it certainly won’t be in this book.

NR!
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