This is my second Yiyun Li of 2024 and absolutely my favourite. Exploring loss through language, dissecting suicide of a loved one from the perspective of someone who's felt the same. I couldn't get over how kind the protagonist was to her son through their written dialogue after he took his life at 16, I expected more pushing for responsibility to be taken, more animosity or asking for answers from a son that was no longer there. Instead I was meet with kindness and understanding about making a choice that she didn't even argue against. There was no resistance to why. This book touched so many sore spots and left me devastated but in awe. The empathy between mother and son cradled my heart, I'm not even sure how to explain the feeling. It's so rare to find discussions of mental health that are so objectively written, especially from a mother's perspective. Without blame. So often mental illness feels like something you're carrying around as a huge burden to those around you, like you've done something wrong. It felt gratifying to have someone so close to her son be so forgiving of his choice. To understand that the pain of living was too much and to give voice to the complex intricacies between living a good life, full of joy and good hobbies and strong community around you and the cold empty pain of depression. It's hard for even his mother to fault his choice.
The use of language, words and their origins, was beautiful and a perfect addition to the book.