Scan barcode
A review by emleemay
Secondborn by Amy A. Bartol
1.0
The challenge with writing this review is trying to organize my many many notes into something coherent. I picked up [b:Secondborn|32972153|Secondborn (Secondborn #1)|Amy A. Bartol|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1496425885s/32972153.jpg|56825332] because I like to check out the occasional buzz book on Goodreads. This one has been popping up all over my feed and seems to have pretty good reviews (plus I'm auto-approved on netgalley, which didn't hurt!). But the more I read, the worse it seemed to get.
Don't get me wrong, I feel like Bartol has the potential to write a book I'd really enjoy. Parts of the story were compelling and there were some lines of dialogue I enjoyed, such as this:
Unfortunately, though, that is where the positive ends for me. I think a whole lot of the problem was down to editing - this felt like a very hectic and messy first draft that needed several more rounds of heavy editing before going to print. Let me try and break this down somehow.
• The pacing is all over the place. The first few chapters are a constant stream of action, which in some circumstances could definitely be a positive, but here it didn't run smoothly. To be frank, it was hard to follow as we zipped from Roselle being ordered to be a soldier to her weird fight with her brother that got her mother to order her death to her... escape? Cordial leaving? At first, I thought she was running away with Dune but, given the subsequent events, I think she was just leaving to become a soldier as planned (right?).
Then there's some kind of terrorist attack that Roselle gets caught up in, but suddenly she's being snatched up by a hunky soldier and taken to her new life. What a mess. Later, however, the pacing starts to lag. We get a lot of filler in the form of Roselle adjusting to her new life as a soldier, shaving her legs (more about that later!) and the developing romance with Hawthorne.
• Characters come and go, never to be seen again. I counted at least three times when characters appeared to further the plot in a certain direction, give Roselle a helping hand, and then POOF! They were gone forever.
• No world-building or reason given for this society. [b:Secondborn|32972153|Secondborn (Secondborn #1)|Amy A. Bartol|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1496425885s/32972153.jpg|56825332] employs the "society divided into groups" trope, as is used in [b:Divergent|13335037|Divergent (Divergent, #1)|Veronica Roth|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328559506s/13335037.jpg|13155899] and other YA sci-fi/fantasy. The groups are decided by the order of birth: firstborns rule, secondborns are sent to work for the government, thirdborns are forbidden. So... why? Or even... how? How did this society come to adopt this system? Why do they think it's a good way to live? Given that there seem to be a lot of casualties and therefore no population issues, why are families only allowed two children?
We are dropped into this world without any explanation or background info. This was another reason the beginning was so hard to follow with all the mention of "Fates of this" and "Fates of that" without any context.
• Roselle breaks character often. We are told a lot about Roselle - that she has been training her whole life to be a soldier and that she's super special and tough and good at everything, but do we see that? Not really. In fact, much of the romance develops through Roselle breaking down and/or being stupid so Hawthorne can swoop in and comfort or educate her. She always seemed weak and dependent on others, contrary to what we were supposed to believe.
• The romance is silly and lacking in chemistry. There is no gradual build or development. Hawthorne is literally introduced to the reader with a conversation about sex and their entire romance consists of Roselle going googly-eyed over his big, strong arms. It felt like the romance was there because the author thought we needed a romantic subplot.
• Obsession with looks and beauty. This book is crammed full of blandly good-looking white people, and this is how most are characterized (by their good looks, not their whiteness). The young men all have big muscles, and Roselle is so freaking beautiful that the rules of the military are bent so that she doesn't have to cut her gorgeous hair. No, I'm not joking.
Oh hell, why does the author let this happen? Why would soldiers decide one didn't need to have her cut because she's so freaking hot?! Does Bartol really think Roselle's worth as a character depended on her hair not being cut? Maybe this wouldn't be such a big deal if Roselle's lack of haircut was just said in passing, but such a fuss is made about it. The author goes out of her way to explain how it is just unthinkable to cut Roselle's hair.
• Bizarre leg-shaving scene. Okay, everything about this was just weird. Roselle shaves her legs in front of the soldier guys and they all stare at her in amazement and basically get boners. That's weird anyway, but Roselle's reaction when Hawthorne tells her the guys have never known a woman to shave her legs is just frustrating. She suddenly freaks out that they might find her "disgusting" because, you know, all that matters is if the soldier boys are disgusted by your shaving habits. But don't worry, Roselle, because Hawthorne assures her:
Eww.
I do think, lurking underneath all of this, is a good writer in need of a better editor. I don't say that often about books I give one star to, but I really felt it here. I'm curious about where Bartol could go in the future. But I won't be recommending [b:Secondborn|32972153|Secondborn (Secondborn #1)|Amy A. Bartol|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1496425885s/32972153.jpg|56825332].
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Youtube
Don't get me wrong, I feel like Bartol has the potential to write a book I'd really enjoy. Parts of the story were compelling and there were some lines of dialogue I enjoyed, such as this:
“It outlived its usefulness, so it was killed. There’s something to be learned in that.”
“Never outlive my usefulness?”
“Never, ever trust the pack.”
Unfortunately, though, that is where the positive ends for me. I think a whole lot of the problem was down to editing - this felt like a very hectic and messy first draft that needed several more rounds of heavy editing before going to print. Let me try and break this down somehow.
• The pacing is all over the place. The first few chapters are a constant stream of action, which in some circumstances could definitely be a positive, but here it didn't run smoothly. To be frank, it was hard to follow as we zipped from Roselle being ordered to be a soldier to her weird fight with her brother that got her mother to order her death to her... escape? Cordial leaving? At first, I thought she was running away with Dune but, given the subsequent events, I think she was just leaving to become a soldier as planned (right?).
Then there's some kind of terrorist attack that Roselle gets caught up in, but suddenly she's being snatched up by a hunky soldier and taken to her new life. What a mess. Later, however, the pacing starts to lag. We get a lot of filler in the form of Roselle adjusting to her new life as a soldier, shaving her legs (more about that later!) and the developing romance with Hawthorne.
• Characters come and go, never to be seen again. I counted at least three times when characters appeared to further the plot in a certain direction, give Roselle a helping hand, and then POOF! They were gone forever.
• No world-building or reason given for this society. [b:Secondborn|32972153|Secondborn (Secondborn #1)|Amy A. Bartol|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1496425885s/32972153.jpg|56825332] employs the "society divided into groups" trope, as is used in [b:Divergent|13335037|Divergent (Divergent, #1)|Veronica Roth|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328559506s/13335037.jpg|13155899] and other YA sci-fi/fantasy. The groups are decided by the order of birth: firstborns rule, secondborns are sent to work for the government, thirdborns are forbidden. So... why? Or even... how? How did this society come to adopt this system? Why do they think it's a good way to live? Given that there seem to be a lot of casualties and therefore no population issues, why are families only allowed two children?
We are dropped into this world without any explanation or background info. This was another reason the beginning was so hard to follow with all the mention of "Fates of this" and "Fates of that" without any context.
• Roselle breaks character often. We are told a lot about Roselle - that she has been training her whole life to be a soldier and that she's super special and tough and good at everything, but do we see that? Not really. In fact, much of the romance develops through Roselle breaking down and/or being stupid so Hawthorne can swoop in and comfort or educate her. She always seemed weak and dependent on others, contrary to what we were supposed to believe.
• The romance is silly and lacking in chemistry. There is no gradual build or development. Hawthorne is literally introduced to the reader with a conversation about sex and their entire romance consists of Roselle going googly-eyed over his big, strong arms. It felt like the romance was there because the author thought we needed a romantic subplot.
• Obsession with looks and beauty. This book is crammed full of blandly good-looking white people, and this is how most are characterized (by their good looks, not their whiteness). The young men all have big muscles, and Roselle is so freaking beautiful that the rules of the military are bent so that she doesn't have to cut her gorgeous hair. No, I'm not joking.
“Why can’t we just cut it?”
“I can’t.” She looks almost embarrassed. “I see this sometimes, when an intake subject is exceptionally lovely. There’s sometimes a proviso that stipulates details about appearance.”
Oh hell, why does the author let this happen? Why would soldiers decide one didn't need to have her cut because she's so freaking hot?! Does Bartol really think Roselle's worth as a character depended on her hair not being cut? Maybe this wouldn't be such a big deal if Roselle's lack of haircut was just said in passing, but such a fuss is made about it. The author goes out of her way to explain how it is just unthinkable to cut Roselle's hair.
• Bizarre leg-shaving scene. Okay, everything about this was just weird. Roselle shaves her legs in front of the soldier guys and they all stare at her in amazement and basically get boners. That's weird anyway, but Roselle's reaction when Hawthorne tells her the guys have never known a woman to shave her legs is just frustrating. She suddenly freaks out that they might find her "disgusting" because, you know, all that matters is if the soldier boys are disgusted by your shaving habits. But don't worry, Roselle, because Hawthorne assures her:
“Roselle, you just made their top-five lists,” he says, pointing in the direction of the other soldiers. “Honestly, you were probably on that list anyway, but now it’s a safe bet you’re number one.”
Eww.
I do think, lurking underneath all of this, is a good writer in need of a better editor. I don't say that often about books I give one star to, but I really felt it here. I'm curious about where Bartol could go in the future. But I won't be recommending [b:Secondborn|32972153|Secondborn (Secondborn #1)|Amy A. Bartol|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1496425885s/32972153.jpg|56825332].
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Youtube