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A review by labyrinth_witch
Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzberg
4.0
Loving-kindness walks readers through the four Brahma-viharas and their foundational concepts. Which is to say, you learn the philosophy of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, equanimity and their foundational concepts of karma and right action. In some ways this piece was more dense than other Buddhist authors, and in other ways she had great stories that illustrated these concepts in ways that helped me remember and apply them to my day-to-day loving.
One feature I particularly liked about the structure of the book was that she offers 1-3 exercises or meditations at the end of every chapter. I wrote them on sticky notes and lined them up in my cubicle, and as I made my way through the material I did feel my practice expand as I stepped my way through each exercise and built on the one before.
I was fascinated to discover that much of the loving-kindness material resonated with the concept of “Post-Traumatic Growth” that is only now being explored in Western psychological practice. This is supposed to be the step beyond post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Consequently, I found her exploration of the concept of forgiveness to be the most illuminating discussion I’ve read on the topic- and I have spent years, including many years in therapy, attempting to wrap my mind around it!
She explains that when a person is hurt, the mind narrows and fixes- so much so that the situation and people involved seem unchanging. Consequently you tell the story the same way, feeling the same emotions each time as if there is solidity to this reality. Forgiveness then is expanding the mind and entertaining the idea that the person has changed and that you have changed. Not in a naive sort of way, but in an “opening your mind to what you may not know or understand” sort of way. Proceed with caution, but stay open and curious to things not aligning with the regular narrative.
I found this to be immensely helpful. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in moving beyond their trauma and/or is working on building healthy relationships in general- particularly if you have some familiarly with Buddhist philosophy.
One feature I particularly liked about the structure of the book was that she offers 1-3 exercises or meditations at the end of every chapter. I wrote them on sticky notes and lined them up in my cubicle, and as I made my way through the material I did feel my practice expand as I stepped my way through each exercise and built on the one before.
I was fascinated to discover that much of the loving-kindness material resonated with the concept of “Post-Traumatic Growth” that is only now being explored in Western psychological practice. This is supposed to be the step beyond post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Consequently, I found her exploration of the concept of forgiveness to be the most illuminating discussion I’ve read on the topic- and I have spent years, including many years in therapy, attempting to wrap my mind around it!
She explains that when a person is hurt, the mind narrows and fixes- so much so that the situation and people involved seem unchanging. Consequently you tell the story the same way, feeling the same emotions each time as if there is solidity to this reality. Forgiveness then is expanding the mind and entertaining the idea that the person has changed and that you have changed. Not in a naive sort of way, but in an “opening your mind to what you may not know or understand” sort of way. Proceed with caution, but stay open and curious to things not aligning with the regular narrative.
I found this to be immensely helpful. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in moving beyond their trauma and/or is working on building healthy relationships in general- particularly if you have some familiarly with Buddhist philosophy.