A review by sarah42783
The Blasted Lands by James A. Moore
4.0
● We Want to Know what's Behind the Freaking Veils then Again maybe Not Buddy Read (WWtKwBtFVtAmNBR™) with my Slightly Unhinged Fantasy Comrades (SUFC™) over at BB&B ●
Actual rating: 4.5 stars and a half. More or less.
Okay, my first resolution for 2017 is to stop writing never-ending, pit-stop requiring reviews
Come on, people! Have a little trust in my supernatural strength and abilities, will you?! I can do this! Of course I can!
Oh, just shut the shrimp up.
When I told the murderous crustaceans about this terrifyingly valiant endeavour, they thought it was such an awesome idea that they actually designed a gif to celebrate:
Not only are my babies homicidal, they are quite creative, too. I feel so blessed to have such astonishingly talented troops at my disposal.
So here we go, time to get on with it and cut some serious crap.
Book 1 in this series was slightly brilliant. Most Epic Fantasy freaks seem to think it's a little sub-par, but my little self being a teensy little bit Fantasy impaired, I thought it was all sorts of dazzling. Because great, creative world building with somewhat humongous potential. And a delicious, Equally Ferocious Opportunity Cast of Characters (EFOCoC™). And and violence, blood, gore and stuff. And and and twists and turns and shocks and stuff. So yeah, you could say I kinda enjoyed book 1 ←is recapping my review for Seven Forges what I call cutting some serious crap, you ask? Sure looks like it.
Now take all the glorious stuff from ↑↑↑ (aka book 1), raise it to the shrimping power of 2, and you get The Blasted Lands:
✔ Ze plot thickens a whole freaking damn lot! Enchantingly yummy war coming right up! Woo hoo! Bring it on, you Sa'ba Taalor bastards! My Merros is going to kick your gray assessix two hundred ways to Sunday, you vicious, religious freaks. Plus, he's got Hugh Hefner Desh and his mostest excellentest bunnies sorceresses on his side. Plus plus, he's got newly appointed, uber nifty empress Nachia on his side. So watch out, you bunch of brutal zealots, you're about to get slightly slaughtered!
Afraid, you clique of fanatic savages? You should be. My Wondrously Amazing Fellein Team (WAFT™) is going to beat the shrimping crap out of you.
✔ Delightfully murderous and delectably cunning characters galore.
✔ Kick-ass sistas are doin' it for themselves, aka Cool Ruthless Chicks R Us (CRCRU™), aka so many new recruits for the harem I will have to build a new wing ASAP. Then again, some space might be freed up soon. It depends on what Evil Mr Moore is Evil (EMMiE™) is up to with my maybe-former-love Swech.
✔ Bye, bye recycling! Hello necromancy! Now that's what I call being barbarically efficient!
✔ The Freaking Veils of Utter Disgustment (FVoUT™). Shrimp knows I wanted to know what the Sa'Ba Taalor hid behind their infamous veils. Now I do know. And I might be nefarious and devious and stuff, but EW EW EW. And EW. I really didn't need to know that, Mr Moore. I knew you were slightly malevolent, but this was just too...
Exactly, dear Alfred. See, this is so sickeningly sick that even my pet raccoon is on the verge of puking his guts out. Poor baby. This doesn't mean the whole FVoUT™ business isn't cool, though. Oh no. Because, oh yes, sickeningly sick stuff can be deliciously awesome, too. Sometimes.
What else? I don't know. I kinda liked this book? Maybe. Not sure though. I think I might have to think it over before I give a definite opinion here. I'll let you know ASAP. By 2056 or something. You're welcome.
» And the moral of this I didn't Cut the Crap as Seriously as I Wanted to But it Could Have Been Much Worse so Go Me Crappy Non Review (IdCtCaSaIWtBiCHBMWsGMCNR™) is: let's dance.
P.S.: in case you haven't noticed, the book covers for this series are getting morepornalicious lickable by the minute. Bye now.
· Book 1: Seven Forges ★★★★
· Book 3: City of Wonders ★★★★
· Book 4: The Silent Army ★★
Actual rating: 4.5 stars and a half. More or less.
Okay, my first resolution for 2017 is to stop writing never-ending, pit-stop requiring reviews
Spoiler
and the Little Barnacles go:Come on, people! Have a little trust in my supernatural strength and abilities, will you?! I can do this! Of course I can!
Spoiler
Oh, just shut the shrimp up.
Not only are my babies homicidal, they are quite creative, too. I feel so blessed to have such astonishingly talented troops at my disposal.
So here we go, time to get on with it and cut some serious crap.
Book 1 in this series was slightly brilliant. Most Epic Fantasy freaks seem to think it's a little sub-par, but my little self being a teensy little bit Fantasy impaired, I thought it was all sorts of dazzling. Because great, creative world building with somewhat humongous potential. And a delicious, Equally Ferocious Opportunity Cast of Characters (EFOCoC™). And and violence, blood, gore and stuff. And and and twists and turns and shocks and stuff. So yeah, you could say I kinda enjoyed book 1 ←is recapping my review for Seven Forges what I call cutting some serious crap, you ask? Sure looks like it.
Now take all the glorious stuff from ↑↑↑ (aka book 1), raise it to the shrimping power of 2, and you get The Blasted Lands:
✔ Ze plot thickens a whole freaking damn lot! Enchantingly yummy war coming right up! Woo hoo! Bring it on, you Sa'ba Taalor bastards! My Merros is going to kick your gray asses
Afraid, you clique of fanatic savages? You should be. My Wondrously Amazing Fellein Team (WAFT™) is going to beat the shrimping crap out of you.
✔ Delightfully murderous and delectably cunning characters galore.
✔ Kick-ass sistas are doin' it for themselves, aka Cool Ruthless Chicks R Us (CRCRU™), aka so many new recruits for the harem I will have to build a new wing ASAP. Then again, some space might be freed up soon. It depends on what Evil Mr Moore is Evil (EMMiE™) is up to with my maybe-former-love Swech.
✔ Bye, bye recycling! Hello necromancy! Now that's what I call being barbarically efficient!
✔ The Freaking Veils of Utter Disgustment (FVoUT™). Shrimp knows I wanted to know what the Sa'Ba Taalor hid behind their infamous veils. Now I do know. And I might be nefarious and devious and stuff, but EW EW EW. And EW. I really didn't need to know that, Mr Moore. I knew you were slightly malevolent, but this was just too...
Exactly, dear Alfred. See, this is so sickeningly sick that even my pet raccoon is on the verge of puking his guts out. Poor baby. This doesn't mean the whole FVoUT™ business isn't cool, though. Oh no. Because, oh yes, sickeningly sick stuff can be deliciously awesome, too. Sometimes.
What else? I don't know. I kinda liked this book? Maybe. Not sure though. I think I might have to think it over before I give a definite opinion here. I'll let you know ASAP. By 2056 or something. You're welcome.
» And the moral of this I didn't Cut the Crap as Seriously as I Wanted to But it Could Have Been Much Worse so Go Me Crappy Non Review (IdCtCaSaIWtBiCHBMWsGMCNR™) is: let's dance.
P.S.: in case you haven't noticed, the book covers for this series are getting more
· Book 1: Seven Forges ★★★★
· Book 3: City of Wonders ★★★★
· Book 4: The Silent Army ★★