A review by bookph1le
The Man They Wanted Me to Be: Toxic Masculinity and a Crisis of Our Own Making by Jared Yates Sexton

5.0

Part memoir, part non-fiction social science book, Sexton uses his own troubled upbringing and struggles with toxic masculinity to illustrate the terrible effects both women and men suffer as a result of society's efforts to enforce stringent gender roles. Reading this book was a very painful experience at times, but it was unquestionably valuable as Sexton has a very level-headed, informed take and a lot of perspective on his privilege as a heterosexual white man, which he acknowledges as he dissects the havoc toxic masculinity has wreaked in his life.

The U.S. has a lot of reckoning to do when it comes to gender issues, and though this book would be timely at any point, I think holds a special importance now, given the connections between toxic masculinity and the scourge of gun violence that's taken hold of our country. The only real way this country has any hope of lessening our issues with gun violence and domestic violence is by examining traditional gender roles and moving forward into an era that acknowledges that gender is largely a social construct. The science is overwhelming on this point, and if we want to build a better country for every last person who lives here, we have to deal with the fallout from centuries of gender-based oppression. Patriarchy hurts every last person living within its confines, male and female alike, and it's time we tried reaching a point of equilibrium.