A review by reggiereading
Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson

adventurous challenging dark emotional mysterious sad tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

i went into this hoping for a story like 'the one memory of flora banks' because i loved the memory-loss aspect of it, and i wasn't disappointed. i could almost see the twist coming at the end, but it was still so shocking. i liked the journal entry style of the majority of the book, but i found my immersion was slightly broken when the journal entries stopped, i'm not really sure why, but it was ok. the ending left me wanting an epilogue; i want to know if her memory was actually recovered or if it regressed like before; i want to know if she got back together with real ben; i want to know if she wrote another book!!
quotes:
"i am floating, i thought, completely without anchor, at the mercy of the wind."
"grief exploded in my chest like a grenade."
"it is only my grief that is fresh every day."
"what could i write in my journal that would get me through tomorrow, the next day, the one after that?"

"i knew somehow that i ought to"
"and now i had no choice."
"tried first to enjoy what was happening, and then, when i found that i could not, tried to ignore it. i asked for this, i thought, at the same time as i never asked for this."
"and i realized, ...., ben loves me in a way that can never be reciprocated."
"what are we, if not an accumulation of our memories?"
"i didn't want him to kiss me, but didn't push him away. i have asked for this, i thought. by wearing the stupid dress, by putting on the stupid make-up and perfume, by asking him to kiss me before we went out. i turned to face him and, though i didn't want to, kissed him back.... when his hand moved to my breast i didn't stop him but told myself it was natural, normal... later, much later, when i began to moan softly, it wasn't because of what he was doing. it wasn't pleasure at all, it was fear"

"before long i would sleep and, quietly, forget. how easy that would be, i thought. so much easier than this."
"but they're like threads i can't keep hold of. balloons that float into the sky before i can catch them."
"it felt better, somehow, to be helpless."
"i could not calm down, and did not want to."
"but for how long can i be a visitor in my own life?"

"crying, mostly, though, because i had brought all this on myself."

(i lost sequence with these next few ones, so these are out of order-- apologies!)

"i don't know what i expected him to do, or say. i suppose part of me wanted him to tell me how wrong i am, to try and convince me that my life is worth living. but he didn't. he just looked straight at me."

"i try to breathe, but cannot. my body, shuddering, pulped, turns to nothing, to ash and air." ... "i think. i never wanted this. i never asked for this. someone must help me. someone must come. i have made a terrible mistake, yes, but i do not deserve this punishment. i do not deserve to die."

"a sound suddenly escaped me. i tried to clamp it down, but failed. something between a gasp and a howl, it was the cry of an animal in pain.".."i was sobbing now, my body heaving, gasping for breath. crying for all the years that i had lost, and for all those that i would continue to lose between now and the day that i died."