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A review by mariahistryingtoread
Blackbird Fly by Erin Entrada Kelly
3.0
In true Erin Estrada Kelly fashion, her ability to convey the absurd phenomena that is adolescence to a painstakingly earnest yet agonizing degree shines above all else.
This is the third book I’ve read by her and I enjoyed it as much as I always do. That being said, it's pretty clear this is her first book. While she captures the mannerisms and behaviors of middle schoolers exceptionally well - as is typical - the other aspects of the story are not nearly as refined.
Apple has a lot of internalized racism due to being the only Filipino kid at her school and presumably the only, if not one of the very few, kids of color. She takes a lot of her self-hate out on her immigrant mother as she blames her for the bullying and discrimination she faces. The reason for her ire towards her mother is two fold. She resents her mother for making them move to Louisiana in the first place and her mothers’ view of America as heavily influenced by her Filipino upbringing runs counter to Apple’s lived experience. Apple has lived in America since she was 4 years old. As such she is quintessentially American in a way her mother does not understand nor desire to. While she still has her Filipino heritage, of course, she is not confident enough to see it for the boon it is.
There are many things that Apple shouldn’t feel embarrassed about - her mother’s accented English, the food they eat, their relatively meager funds compared to her so-called friends to name a few - as these are things that a great many kids can relate to in one way or another. However, that is only scratching the surface of the tension between the two.
I do not have immigrant parents so I’m speaking from a place of first hand knowledge of my own minority parents expectations. There is overlap but keep in mind each provides a distinct upbringing unique to the individuals involved.
As is common for minority parents - though it does seem to particularly stand out when looking at immigrant parents - Apple's mother can't connect with her emotionally. She substitutes discipline for care, exerting authority over Apple as a way to show her compassion but all it does is drive the wedge deeper since Apple only feels the contempt not the concern underneath. This cultural difference exacerbates the divide at every turn. The strong hold the former country has on the parent makes sense as the parent spent most of their life in that country absorbing those norms. It also is just natural for people to identify with their roots especially for minorities as we tend to be collectivist in manner. However, this strict adherence often puts them at odds with their kids because American ideals predominantly run directly opposed to those of collectivist cultures. The kids are caught in the middle as they are expected to follow societal standards they don’t have a personal attachment to while balancing the American way of life which is far more relevant due to the weight of its impact on their lives comparatively.
The nonfiction book Minor Feelings summarizes part of the reason for this disconnect well. Minor feelings are described as "the racialized range of emotions that are negative, dysphoric and therefore untelegenic built from the sediments of everyday racial experience and the irritation of having one's perception of reality constantly questioned or dismissed. Minor feelings occur when American optimism is enforced upon you which contradicts your own racialized reality thereby creating a static of cognitive dissonance". Apple is just starting to recognize these feelings and it’s a source of great stress for her since she lacks the proper support to cope. Her mother surely feels this on some level as well as it’s not exclusive to the younger generation, but as an adult she’s likely to have the emotional wherewithal to handle it whereas Apple is only a kid.
Her mother also buys into the misconception America is a meritocracy so she believes that school is the entire secret to getting ahead in life causing Apple to be kept from the one thing that might possibly combat her feelings of inadequacy: music.
All that being said, this plot thread unfortunately does not follow through. It’s very strong in the beginning only to peter off in the middle. I cannot emphasize enough how malicious Apple was to her mother in speech, but to a far greater extent in her negative thoughts about her. Even taking into account her mother’s hand in the widening gulf between them, Apple’s hostility borders on the obscene. It tapers off into mild intolerance from the middle on when it really should have stayed the same if not ratcheted up higher. As deeply opposed as Apple was to her mother it made no sense for her rancor to dissipate so rapidly. The issues I saw in the relationship were things that would not have fallen off without outside intervention or a huge blow up where Apple crossed the line to force the issue to a head. The unfolding of this plot is further hindered by the disappearance of her mother from the plot. What stands as a central theme in the beginning is abandoned in favor of focusing on Apple’s rising self esteem. That is an important facet of Apple’s arc, but since her low self esteem is anchored in it, it should have been addressed simultaneously.
Per the synopsis Apple gets dumped by her friends. She finds true, real friends along the way. But, one of her old friends is actually not all bad. She just lacks a backbone to stand up to the ringleader. I actually really liked this. Gretchen is weirdly a pretty good friend in her own way. Through her, Kelly is able to communicate the full messy scope of these kind of group friend dynamics. Gretchen is just a kid herself who is unsure of how to navigate these difficult circumstances. Though it’s not nearly enough, she does what she can. Gretchen certainly could stand up for Apple in a bombastic way. However, to a point it's important for Apple to advocate for herself instead. Apple is always going to be the best defender of her own personhood. Gretchen only sees part of Apple’s disquiet and Apple doesn't share her full feelings so the depth of her despair is not readily apparent for Gretchen to comment on, even if she wanted to.
What I didn’t like was how Gretchen’s feelings of hurt eventually superseded that of another wronged party.
Gretchen inevitably ends up on Alyssa’s bad side. She quickly comes under heavy fire for reasons out of her control and is ostracized by everyone. Apple reaches out to support her in her time of need.
On the other side of the coin, there was a girl Alyssa and a bunch of the popular kids bullied relentlessly. Apple never said anything directly, but she was guilty of standing by and even laughing.
Of course once Apple is kicked out of her group she and Halina become friends. Yet, Apple never actually apologizes to her despite her suffering through way worse than Gretchen does based on duration alone. Gretchen has a few days of malicious behavior directed at her. Halina has had at least a year. Regardless, the narrative shifts entirely to pitying Gretchen solely. Apple realizes she screwed up with Halina in text only to not take any sort of real accountability. It’s particularly noticeable because the other two characters she hurts in major ways receive meaningful acknowledgements of the harm she causes them.
I don’t believe Gretchen deserves to be bullied, but it's disappointing that the book takes pains to drum up support for Gretchen, who for all intents and purposes is an enabler, when Halina has done absolutely nothing wrong at all and she doesn't get a modicum of Apple’s commiseration.
Overall, this was a decent showcase just not the usual level of quality I’ve come to expect from Erin Entrada Kelly. Her average is still better than many other authors’ best so I’d definitely still recommend it. I’m only pointing out that if this is your first and you’re not feeling it there is better to come so don’t give up.
This is the third book I’ve read by her and I enjoyed it as much as I always do. That being said, it's pretty clear this is her first book. While she captures the mannerisms and behaviors of middle schoolers exceptionally well - as is typical - the other aspects of the story are not nearly as refined.
Apple has a lot of internalized racism due to being the only Filipino kid at her school and presumably the only, if not one of the very few, kids of color. She takes a lot of her self-hate out on her immigrant mother as she blames her for the bullying and discrimination she faces. The reason for her ire towards her mother is two fold. She resents her mother for making them move to Louisiana in the first place and her mothers’ view of America as heavily influenced by her Filipino upbringing runs counter to Apple’s lived experience. Apple has lived in America since she was 4 years old. As such she is quintessentially American in a way her mother does not understand nor desire to. While she still has her Filipino heritage, of course, she is not confident enough to see it for the boon it is.
There are many things that Apple shouldn’t feel embarrassed about - her mother’s accented English, the food they eat, their relatively meager funds compared to her so-called friends to name a few - as these are things that a great many kids can relate to in one way or another. However, that is only scratching the surface of the tension between the two.
I do not have immigrant parents so I’m speaking from a place of first hand knowledge of my own minority parents expectations. There is overlap but keep in mind each provides a distinct upbringing unique to the individuals involved.
As is common for minority parents - though it does seem to particularly stand out when looking at immigrant parents - Apple's mother can't connect with her emotionally. She substitutes discipline for care, exerting authority over Apple as a way to show her compassion but all it does is drive the wedge deeper since Apple only feels the contempt not the concern underneath. This cultural difference exacerbates the divide at every turn. The strong hold the former country has on the parent makes sense as the parent spent most of their life in that country absorbing those norms. It also is just natural for people to identify with their roots especially for minorities as we tend to be collectivist in manner. However, this strict adherence often puts them at odds with their kids because American ideals predominantly run directly opposed to those of collectivist cultures. The kids are caught in the middle as they are expected to follow societal standards they don’t have a personal attachment to while balancing the American way of life which is far more relevant due to the weight of its impact on their lives comparatively.
The nonfiction book Minor Feelings summarizes part of the reason for this disconnect well. Minor feelings are described as "the racialized range of emotions that are negative, dysphoric and therefore untelegenic built from the sediments of everyday racial experience and the irritation of having one's perception of reality constantly questioned or dismissed. Minor feelings occur when American optimism is enforced upon you which contradicts your own racialized reality thereby creating a static of cognitive dissonance". Apple is just starting to recognize these feelings and it’s a source of great stress for her since she lacks the proper support to cope. Her mother surely feels this on some level as well as it’s not exclusive to the younger generation, but as an adult she’s likely to have the emotional wherewithal to handle it whereas Apple is only a kid.
Her mother also buys into the misconception America is a meritocracy so she believes that school is the entire secret to getting ahead in life causing Apple to be kept from the one thing that might possibly combat her feelings of inadequacy: music.
All that being said, this plot thread unfortunately does not follow through. It’s very strong in the beginning only to peter off in the middle. I cannot emphasize enough how malicious Apple was to her mother in speech, but to a far greater extent in her negative thoughts about her. Even taking into account her mother’s hand in the widening gulf between them, Apple’s hostility borders on the obscene. It tapers off into mild intolerance from the middle on when it really should have stayed the same if not ratcheted up higher. As deeply opposed as Apple was to her mother it made no sense for her rancor to dissipate so rapidly. The issues I saw in the relationship were things that would not have fallen off without outside intervention or a huge blow up where Apple crossed the line to force the issue to a head. The unfolding of this plot is further hindered by the disappearance of her mother from the plot. What stands as a central theme in the beginning is abandoned in favor of focusing on Apple’s rising self esteem. That is an important facet of Apple’s arc, but since her low self esteem is anchored in it, it should have been addressed simultaneously.
Per the synopsis Apple gets dumped by her friends. She finds true, real friends along the way. But, one of her old friends is actually not all bad. She just lacks a backbone to stand up to the ringleader. I actually really liked this. Gretchen is weirdly a pretty good friend in her own way. Through her, Kelly is able to communicate the full messy scope of these kind of group friend dynamics. Gretchen is just a kid herself who is unsure of how to navigate these difficult circumstances. Though it’s not nearly enough, she does what she can. Gretchen certainly could stand up for Apple in a bombastic way. However, to a point it's important for Apple to advocate for herself instead. Apple is always going to be the best defender of her own personhood. Gretchen only sees part of Apple’s disquiet and Apple doesn't share her full feelings so the depth of her despair is not readily apparent for Gretchen to comment on, even if she wanted to.
What I didn’t like was how Gretchen’s feelings of hurt eventually superseded that of another wronged party.
Gretchen inevitably ends up on Alyssa’s bad side. She quickly comes under heavy fire for reasons out of her control and is ostracized by everyone. Apple reaches out to support her in her time of need.
On the other side of the coin, there was a girl Alyssa and a bunch of the popular kids bullied relentlessly. Apple never said anything directly, but she was guilty of standing by and even laughing.
Of course once Apple is kicked out of her group she and Halina become friends. Yet, Apple never actually apologizes to her despite her suffering through way worse than Gretchen does based on duration alone. Gretchen has a few days of malicious behavior directed at her. Halina has had at least a year. Regardless, the narrative shifts entirely to pitying Gretchen solely. Apple realizes she screwed up with Halina in text only to not take any sort of real accountability. It’s particularly noticeable because the other two characters she hurts in major ways receive meaningful acknowledgements of the harm she causes them.
I don’t believe Gretchen deserves to be bullied, but it's disappointing that the book takes pains to drum up support for Gretchen, who for all intents and purposes is an enabler, when Halina has done absolutely nothing wrong at all and she doesn't get a modicum of Apple’s commiseration.
Overall, this was a decent showcase just not the usual level of quality I’ve come to expect from Erin Entrada Kelly. Her average is still better than many other authors’ best so I’d definitely still recommend it. I’m only pointing out that if this is your first and you’re not feeling it there is better to come so don’t give up.