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A review by shonaningyo
My Friend Dahmer by Derf Backderf
4.0
This was just...wow.
This book made me feel all sorts of things, mostly pity, empathy, sympathy, etc.
What Jeffrey Dahmer is renowned for is inexcusably evil, depraved, sadistic, cruel, etc. and all that jazz.
But while Derf was only a "sort-of friend" to Dahmer, the way he drew the comics (which kind of reminds me of some of the weird commercial animations that appear on Adult Swim) and the tone he used was with a tone of finality, morbidity, depression, and regret.
Because if you went to school with a to-be serial killer, wouldnt you have tried your damnedest to make sure they wouldn't have walked down such a path?
Dahmer was the kid who "didn't belong". I can attest to that feeling on account of my Asperger's and ADHD making me a tough cookie to get along with in my early years, but once I hit around 6th grade I readily began to accept how to change my behavior and become more approachable. For some that is not easy at all: You may have done some things or simply act a certain way as to be rendered a complete freak or undesirable, as in the case of Dahmer.
His "sort-of friend" Derf repeatedly states that they weren't close friends and admits that he was more of a "mascot" to their little group that they made fun of, but not with malicious intent, because Dahmer never asserted that he was bothered by it. That doesn't make it okay, but kids are stupid and since these are teenaged boys, if you don't say it outright how are they supposed to know? And this was the 70s, people...
His parents' constant fighting, his mother's obvious mental problems, coupled with Dahmer's own unlikeability at school and feeling like he had no one to turn to when he began to feel certain urges. Who was he supposed to turn to when he could barely connect with kids at school, or teachers, or his own family? You learn to develop coping skills and how to handle emotions from your environment, they're not just instilled within you at birth. The fact that he had no such tools made it virtually impossible for him to say anything about what he was feeling.
Reading and looking at the artist's depiction of what Dahmer did during his teen years... drinking, hanging around the school drunk, beating trees with branches to let go of his anger, generally being by himself, and struggling with his thoughts... It pained me deeply.
During Freshman year of high school I was in a bad place. It was around Christmas and I was in a pit of despair due to stress and confusion and worry and self-hatred and other feelings that I didn't know existed. I had random thoughts of "What would happen if I smothered my little sister with this pillow?" "What would happen if I shoved this pencil right through this kid's ear canal?". I even contemplated stealing knives from the kitchen and murdering my sisters in my sleep. I was so goddamn afraid of what I was thinking and too afraid to kill myself. The tears that I cried were buckets and buckets and I eventually was sent to a psych ward for two weeks in like, February.
Those days are like a black mark on my brain. Now imagine that kind of anguish and stretch that out for say, your whole high school career. That was what Dahmer was going through. He was terrified of what he was thinking and he tried to drink to numb those thoughts. His parents were completely oblivious, as were the teachers and his classmates just knew he was a cold time bomb that hopefully fizzled out before anything outrageous happened.
Again, what Dahmer eventually came to do to those poor people is reprehensible but I am staunchly against the idea that he was "a coward" for not killing himself, as the author put it. Is it really that easy to kill yourself? I didn't despite my wish to seriously harm and possibly fatally wound other people during those dark days of mine. Why didn't he get help from his father who tried to be there for him? My Mom and Dad technically were there for me, it doesn't mean that I immediately went to them for help when I started feeling like I did. My mom found me in my room with the door closed and the light turned off, bawling in the corner in the dark.
No one was there to intervene on his behalf. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own problems or too oblivious to see he had some goddamn problems. When you realize that no one cares, it's hard to believe that anyone would help you or understand you. He felt that no one could understand him and I bet he would be correct, especially during the time he was a kid and the people he was surrounded by.
His fear of loneliness was also heartbreaking because I've felt that too.
According to the interviews he has given, he was truly sorry for what he had done. Despite his cruelty and mercilessness with how he treated his victims and their bodies, he was sorry. That one cannibal dictator in Uganda or whatever became a pastor and now preaches God's love. So it is definitely not beyond my belief that Dahmer truly was remorseful. He just couldn't stop himself because at some point it seems like no matter what you do, it won't stop. And so he decided to not hold it back any longer. And he killed those people, raped them, etc.
Again, I know I sound like an apologist or one of those serial killer lovers that gets too engrossed in people like them, but Dahmer to me is a kind of tragic story when you look into such a depressing aspect of his life like this comic. I find people like David Parker Ray and Henry Lee Lucas and Charles Manson to be absolute freaking fucked up freaks of nature, but Dahmer...I don't know. I've been there, I've experienced shades of what he has, so I can't immediately say "How can you do that? How could you not stop yourself?"
Well he had no medication other than booze to wave away the terrible thoughts he had. And he was never someone who could easily get close to other people so as to trust them. The adults around him didn't give a shit about him. Really, is it that hard to understand?
This book made me feel all sorts of things, mostly pity, empathy, sympathy, etc.
What Jeffrey Dahmer is renowned for is inexcusably evil, depraved, sadistic, cruel, etc. and all that jazz.
But while Derf was only a "sort-of friend" to Dahmer, the way he drew the comics (which kind of reminds me of some of the weird commercial animations that appear on Adult Swim) and the tone he used was with a tone of finality, morbidity, depression, and regret.
Because if you went to school with a to-be serial killer, wouldnt you have tried your damnedest to make sure they wouldn't have walked down such a path?
Dahmer was the kid who "didn't belong". I can attest to that feeling on account of my Asperger's and ADHD making me a tough cookie to get along with in my early years, but once I hit around 6th grade I readily began to accept how to change my behavior and become more approachable. For some that is not easy at all: You may have done some things or simply act a certain way as to be rendered a complete freak or undesirable, as in the case of Dahmer.
His "sort-of friend" Derf repeatedly states that they weren't close friends and admits that he was more of a "mascot" to their little group that they made fun of, but not with malicious intent, because Dahmer never asserted that he was bothered by it. That doesn't make it okay, but kids are stupid and since these are teenaged boys, if you don't say it outright how are they supposed to know? And this was the 70s, people...
His parents' constant fighting, his mother's obvious mental problems, coupled with Dahmer's own unlikeability at school and feeling like he had no one to turn to when he began to feel certain urges. Who was he supposed to turn to when he could barely connect with kids at school, or teachers, or his own family? You learn to develop coping skills and how to handle emotions from your environment, they're not just instilled within you at birth. The fact that he had no such tools made it virtually impossible for him to say anything about what he was feeling.
Reading and looking at the artist's depiction of what Dahmer did during his teen years... drinking, hanging around the school drunk, beating trees with branches to let go of his anger, generally being by himself, and struggling with his thoughts... It pained me deeply.
During Freshman year of high school I was in a bad place. It was around Christmas and I was in a pit of despair due to stress and confusion and worry and self-hatred and other feelings that I didn't know existed. I had random thoughts of "What would happen if I smothered my little sister with this pillow?" "What would happen if I shoved this pencil right through this kid's ear canal?". I even contemplated stealing knives from the kitchen and murdering my sisters in my sleep. I was so goddamn afraid of what I was thinking and too afraid to kill myself. The tears that I cried were buckets and buckets and I eventually was sent to a psych ward for two weeks in like, February.
Those days are like a black mark on my brain. Now imagine that kind of anguish and stretch that out for say, your whole high school career. That was what Dahmer was going through. He was terrified of what he was thinking and he tried to drink to numb those thoughts. His parents were completely oblivious, as were the teachers and his classmates just knew he was a cold time bomb that hopefully fizzled out before anything outrageous happened.
Again, what Dahmer eventually came to do to those poor people is reprehensible but I am staunchly against the idea that he was "a coward" for not killing himself, as the author put it. Is it really that easy to kill yourself? I didn't despite my wish to seriously harm and possibly fatally wound other people during those dark days of mine. Why didn't he get help from his father who tried to be there for him? My Mom and Dad technically were there for me, it doesn't mean that I immediately went to them for help when I started feeling like I did. My mom found me in my room with the door closed and the light turned off, bawling in the corner in the dark.
No one was there to intervene on his behalf. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own problems or too oblivious to see he had some goddamn problems. When you realize that no one cares, it's hard to believe that anyone would help you or understand you. He felt that no one could understand him and I bet he would be correct, especially during the time he was a kid and the people he was surrounded by.
His fear of loneliness was also heartbreaking because I've felt that too.
According to the interviews he has given, he was truly sorry for what he had done. Despite his cruelty and mercilessness with how he treated his victims and their bodies, he was sorry. That one cannibal dictator in Uganda or whatever became a pastor and now preaches God's love. So it is definitely not beyond my belief that Dahmer truly was remorseful. He just couldn't stop himself because at some point it seems like no matter what you do, it won't stop. And so he decided to not hold it back any longer. And he killed those people, raped them, etc.
Again, I know I sound like an apologist or one of those serial killer lovers that gets too engrossed in people like them, but Dahmer to me is a kind of tragic story when you look into such a depressing aspect of his life like this comic. I find people like David Parker Ray and Henry Lee Lucas and Charles Manson to be absolute freaking fucked up freaks of nature, but Dahmer...I don't know. I've been there, I've experienced shades of what he has, so I can't immediately say "How can you do that? How could you not stop yourself?"
Well he had no medication other than booze to wave away the terrible thoughts he had. And he was never someone who could easily get close to other people so as to trust them. The adults around him didn't give a shit about him. Really, is it that hard to understand?