A review by silverthane
The Life You Never Expected: Thriving While Parenting Special Needs Children by Rachel Wilson, Andrew Wilson
1.0
One of my best friends is a Christian and he gave me a copy of this book as I have a child with special needs.
This book has been written by two members of a network of evangelical, charismatic churches known as 'Newfrontiers' I am not a fan of these churches, particularly their complementarian approach however since my friend gave me the book as a gift I felt obliged to give it a go.
The authors (a married couple) have two young children with Autism. The book is marketed as a guide for Christian parents living with children who have special needs with particular emphasis being on relying on God's love, guidance and, of course, your church community. Whereas there is nothing wrong with these ideas in themselves (in fact, they are great ideas if you are inclined to believe in God) the way they are put across is absolutely, mortifyingly terrible.
Let's begin with practical information and the 'good' things about the book. The book is short at 152 pages long and I got through it within two days. The layout is simple and so is the message. It is not difficult to understand what this book is saying which makes it very accessible. Also, as mentioned earlier, the basic idea for the book is sound; lean on God in times of distress and trouble (not exactly original advice but there you go)
Now the bad; the couple who wrote the book seem to view their children less as two beautiful individuals who deserve their unwavering, unconditional love and support and more like two child-shaped mill stones around their necks dragging them into the abyss of self pity and cries of 'Why God? Why?!'
The authors spend a good deal of the book effectively complaining that it is really really hard looking after two children with Autism but they accept what is obviously a challenge sent by God. They complain endlessly about how very difficult and stressful it is for them and how, at times, it makes their lives unbearable whilst simultaneously disregarding and ignoring any misery and difficulty suffered by their children who have to live with a very difficult neurological disorder for which there is no cure and which makes life very frightening and difficult to cope with. The authors literally make no mention of how it must make their children feel. From reading the book I felt overwhelming pity not for the parents but for the poor children; that their parents are so vacuous and selfish.
The book made me angry because of the authors attitudes. There are so many dreadful parts of the book it's hard to know what to highlight. A particularly awful chapter was when the father decided to compare having Autistic children with receiving a real orange instead of a chocolate orange at a dinner party. To quote
'You've been given an orange. Not a chocolate orange; an actual orange. Eleven segments of erratically sized, pith-covered segments, with surprisingly large pips in annoying places, requiring a degree in engineering in order to peel it properly...You pause to reflect. There's nothing wrong with oranges; you say to yourself...But your heart sinks, all the same. An orange was not what you expected...not only that but it wasn't what you wanted'
Just imagine how that mans poor children will feel when they get old enough to read that. It's a ridiculous comparison anyway. "Basically Son, you're like a shit dessert at a dinner party that no-one wants, sorry"
His wife isn't any better. She wrote a new updated version of 'The Beatitudes' a famous part of Jesus Christ's 'Sermon on the Mount' just for people with special needs (because the original doesn't apply to them, right?) 'Blessed are the autistic, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are the tube-fed, for they will be comforted' No, I'm not kidding. It really is that crass. Frequently.
The book goes on like this with both authors complaining about how all their aspirations for their children are gone because of autism. They write about how much they've wept over it. Again it is all about self pity with these two. In one chapter they mention the importance of thinking of others instead of yourself and I nearly died from a sudden overdose of irony.
Perhaps the worst part of this awful stain of a book was the subject of healing. Now I knew this would come up sooner or later as I know Newfrontiers is the kind of church big on 'laying on hands' but when the subject did rear its ugly head I was shocked by the way the author seems to view his own children; as something to be fixed. He talks about different types of Christians and how they view faith healing and he uses a Winnie the Pooh analogy. This could be for simplicity or it could be because the guy has the imagination of an ameba. Either way it's daft.
'We have Tigger-types who bounce around insisting that God will always heal us if we just have enough certainty that he will, and we have Eeyore-types who mope around mumbling that disabilities are just part of the way things are, and asking God to heal us is a waste of time. Being a Winnie-the-Pooh type in the middle, believing that God wants to heal but trusting him when he doesn't, can be exhausting. The Tigger-types make you feel guilty; the Eeyore-types make you feel grumpy. And you're still the one with the disabled child'
It's difficult to describe the anger I felt when I read this offensive tripe. This conceited, awful person wrote this about his own children. The disgust and disappointment that his children weren't fixed by God practically drips off the paper. This is how he views his own children; like some broken laptop he's returned to Argos 'There's obviously been a mistake, my children are DISABLED God. Please fix them and return them ASAP so I can have an easier life" It seems to have never crossed his simple mind that God created and loves those children for who they are. Autism isn't leprosy or cancer or some other disease to be cured of. His children aren't freaks or misfits and they are fine as they are. Created perfectly and loved by God.
Believe me when I say I could go on giving examples. The whole 152 pages are full of this type of nonsense. Oh one last thing I forgot to mention in the 'positive' section. If you have children with special needs and you are having a down day and feel like a bad parent just have a quick read through this book. I guarantee when you realise there are parents out there like these two you'll realise you aren't so bad after all.
This book has been written by two members of a network of evangelical, charismatic churches known as 'Newfrontiers' I am not a fan of these churches, particularly their complementarian approach however since my friend gave me the book as a gift I felt obliged to give it a go.
The authors (a married couple) have two young children with Autism. The book is marketed as a guide for Christian parents living with children who have special needs with particular emphasis being on relying on God's love, guidance and, of course, your church community. Whereas there is nothing wrong with these ideas in themselves (in fact, they are great ideas if you are inclined to believe in God) the way they are put across is absolutely, mortifyingly terrible.
Let's begin with practical information and the 'good' things about the book. The book is short at 152 pages long and I got through it within two days. The layout is simple and so is the message. It is not difficult to understand what this book is saying which makes it very accessible. Also, as mentioned earlier, the basic idea for the book is sound; lean on God in times of distress and trouble (not exactly original advice but there you go)
Now the bad; the couple who wrote the book seem to view their children less as two beautiful individuals who deserve their unwavering, unconditional love and support and more like two child-shaped mill stones around their necks dragging them into the abyss of self pity and cries of 'Why God? Why?!'
The authors spend a good deal of the book effectively complaining that it is really really hard looking after two children with Autism but they accept what is obviously a challenge sent by God. They complain endlessly about how very difficult and stressful it is for them and how, at times, it makes their lives unbearable whilst simultaneously disregarding and ignoring any misery and difficulty suffered by their children who have to live with a very difficult neurological disorder for which there is no cure and which makes life very frightening and difficult to cope with. The authors literally make no mention of how it must make their children feel. From reading the book I felt overwhelming pity not for the parents but for the poor children; that their parents are so vacuous and selfish.
The book made me angry because of the authors attitudes. There are so many dreadful parts of the book it's hard to know what to highlight. A particularly awful chapter was when the father decided to compare having Autistic children with receiving a real orange instead of a chocolate orange at a dinner party. To quote
'You've been given an orange. Not a chocolate orange; an actual orange. Eleven segments of erratically sized, pith-covered segments, with surprisingly large pips in annoying places, requiring a degree in engineering in order to peel it properly...You pause to reflect. There's nothing wrong with oranges; you say to yourself...But your heart sinks, all the same. An orange was not what you expected...not only that but it wasn't what you wanted'
Just imagine how that mans poor children will feel when they get old enough to read that. It's a ridiculous comparison anyway. "Basically Son, you're like a shit dessert at a dinner party that no-one wants, sorry"
His wife isn't any better. She wrote a new updated version of 'The Beatitudes' a famous part of Jesus Christ's 'Sermon on the Mount' just for people with special needs (because the original doesn't apply to them, right?) 'Blessed are the autistic, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are the tube-fed, for they will be comforted' No, I'm not kidding. It really is that crass. Frequently.
The book goes on like this with both authors complaining about how all their aspirations for their children are gone because of autism. They write about how much they've wept over it. Again it is all about self pity with these two. In one chapter they mention the importance of thinking of others instead of yourself and I nearly died from a sudden overdose of irony.
Perhaps the worst part of this awful stain of a book was the subject of healing. Now I knew this would come up sooner or later as I know Newfrontiers is the kind of church big on 'laying on hands' but when the subject did rear its ugly head I was shocked by the way the author seems to view his own children; as something to be fixed. He talks about different types of Christians and how they view faith healing and he uses a Winnie the Pooh analogy. This could be for simplicity or it could be because the guy has the imagination of an ameba. Either way it's daft.
'We have Tigger-types who bounce around insisting that God will always heal us if we just have enough certainty that he will, and we have Eeyore-types who mope around mumbling that disabilities are just part of the way things are, and asking God to heal us is a waste of time. Being a Winnie-the-Pooh type in the middle, believing that God wants to heal but trusting him when he doesn't, can be exhausting. The Tigger-types make you feel guilty; the Eeyore-types make you feel grumpy. And you're still the one with the disabled child'
It's difficult to describe the anger I felt when I read this offensive tripe. This conceited, awful person wrote this about his own children. The disgust and disappointment that his children weren't fixed by God practically drips off the paper. This is how he views his own children; like some broken laptop he's returned to Argos 'There's obviously been a mistake, my children are DISABLED God. Please fix them and return them ASAP so I can have an easier life" It seems to have never crossed his simple mind that God created and loves those children for who they are. Autism isn't leprosy or cancer or some other disease to be cured of. His children aren't freaks or misfits and they are fine as they are. Created perfectly and loved by God.
Believe me when I say I could go on giving examples. The whole 152 pages are full of this type of nonsense. Oh one last thing I forgot to mention in the 'positive' section. If you have children with special needs and you are having a down day and feel like a bad parent just have a quick read through this book. I guarantee when you realise there are parents out there like these two you'll realise you aren't so bad after all.