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A review by davidbythebay
Miss Memory Lane: A Memoir by Colton Haynes
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
fast-paced
5.0
Thank you to Colton Haynes and Atria Books for the ARC giveaway copy.
First, this was an incredible memoir. BUY IT NOW (it comes out tomorrow, May 31, 2022).
Now, I have to come clean: I was not too familiar with Colton Haynes' work going into this memoir. What drew me to this was the description that it was a memoir about coming to terms with his sexuality, abuse, addiction, and what I was sure to be insights into mental health. I greatly enjoy memoirs about coming to terms with one's sexuality. Anything dealing with mental illness - depression, anxiety, and addiction - also interest me. This was one of the best memoirs I have read on the subject, and in general.
Colton - because I feel after reading this we are clearly on a first name basis - takes a meandering approach to his life story, which is a great way to write a memoir. The key to this memoir is this: while it is told linearly in time, it is a bit more conversational than most memoirs I've read. Hence the "meandering" tone of it. Indeed, I'd have to go the step further and call this more than conversational. This was therapeutic conversation. I felt more like I was sitting down with Colton at a group therapy session or an intimate moment of vulnerability than reading a surface-level puff-piece. He is here to tell his story, to review his life for himself, and to help others by telling his story honestly and openly.
One draw back to his style - which is such a minor, personal thing - is that sometimes names and people pop up with little context, as if I am supposed to know who this person is already when it is the first time they have appeared in the narrative. (Some of this is probably due to my ignorance over his television career.) Stick with it and you get the context or at least the purpose they play in his memoir. Then again, isn't that life? People pop in and out and they aren't the focus of the story; the events involving these people are the focus. For a moment I felt this distracting, but then I realized it wasn't necessarily about who this person is so much as what they represent or what event occurred with them present.
I once read another celebrity coming-to-terms memoir from an out gay celebrity and I felt let down by the one-dimensional approach of stating things but never exploring them. Colton NEVER says anything without truly exploring his emotions and thoughts. He is viscerally honest about his parents, his family, his friends, but most importantly himself. For example, he speaks of childhood trauma and abuse and tells you what he felt and how it shaped him. In another instant, he speaks of his thoughts around men and being gay, what he sought out and why, how that made him feel. This was beyond honest. This was truth. I felt the truth coming off the page.
His approach is moving. I cannot tell you how many times I cried. I cried because what Colton went through was at times disgusting, at times saddening, and at times heart-wrenching. I cried because what Colton said rang so true to my own experiences. I cried because of how Colton laid bare his life, even his unhealthy thoughts on sex and how he has grown from his experiences. I cannot still believe how what he said could easily have come out of my own mouth. Reading this made me cry because I realized my own history and life, I realized how I look at men and sex and how similar it is to how Colton viewed them. I was left emotional, in the best ways possible.
Though I was left in tears, I am left feeling immense gratitude to Colton for his honest memoir. It showed me I am not alone. Not in my anxiety and depression. Not in my sexuality. The highest compliment I can think of for any memoir that is confessional and honest is that it made me feel like I'm not alone. Colton Haynes' "Miss Memory Lane" made me feel seen and heard. I see Colton. I hear Colton. I am glad he has shared his story and I am so glad he wrote this book.
In short: This is perhaps THE BEST memoir I have ever read. Certainly it is the best memoir I've read about coming to terms with one's sexuality and dealing with one's own faults, becoming self aware and actualizing changes for a better life. I wish Colton all the luck in the world with this book and in whatever he does in the future. He, like everyone else in this world, deserves to be loved completely and unconditionally. Based on this memoir, he has begun to love himself in that way.
UPDATE April 30, 2023: It's almost been a year, and I had to read this again. It was just as amazing this second time around. In the last year I've embarked on a huge career change and became a Peer Recovery Coach, using my recovery in mental illness and eating disorders/food addiction to help others in early recovery from their demons. And I have to attribute Colton Haynes for this shift. His story illuminated several things I knew about myself and was ignoring, such as my own recovery. I've been in recovery for years, but reading this reinvigorated my recovery just when I needed it. And I can never thank him enough. Amazing! If you haven't read this yet, what are you waiting for?
First, this was an incredible memoir. BUY IT NOW (it comes out tomorrow, May 31, 2022).
Now, I have to come clean: I was not too familiar with Colton Haynes' work going into this memoir. What drew me to this was the description that it was a memoir about coming to terms with his sexuality, abuse, addiction, and what I was sure to be insights into mental health. I greatly enjoy memoirs about coming to terms with one's sexuality. Anything dealing with mental illness - depression, anxiety, and addiction - also interest me. This was one of the best memoirs I have read on the subject, and in general.
Colton - because I feel after reading this we are clearly on a first name basis - takes a meandering approach to his life story, which is a great way to write a memoir. The key to this memoir is this: while it is told linearly in time, it is a bit more conversational than most memoirs I've read. Hence the "meandering" tone of it. Indeed, I'd have to go the step further and call this more than conversational. This was therapeutic conversation. I felt more like I was sitting down with Colton at a group therapy session or an intimate moment of vulnerability than reading a surface-level puff-piece. He is here to tell his story, to review his life for himself, and to help others by telling his story honestly and openly.
One draw back to his style - which is such a minor, personal thing - is that sometimes names and people pop up with little context, as if I am supposed to know who this person is already when it is the first time they have appeared in the narrative. (Some of this is probably due to my ignorance over his television career.) Stick with it and you get the context or at least the purpose they play in his memoir. Then again, isn't that life? People pop in and out and they aren't the focus of the story; the events involving these people are the focus. For a moment I felt this distracting, but then I realized it wasn't necessarily about who this person is so much as what they represent or what event occurred with them present.
I once read another celebrity coming-to-terms memoir from an out gay celebrity and I felt let down by the one-dimensional approach of stating things but never exploring them. Colton NEVER says anything without truly exploring his emotions and thoughts. He is viscerally honest about his parents, his family, his friends, but most importantly himself. For example, he speaks of childhood trauma and abuse and tells you what he felt and how it shaped him. In another instant, he speaks of his thoughts around men and being gay, what he sought out and why, how that made him feel. This was beyond honest. This was truth. I felt the truth coming off the page.
His approach is moving. I cannot tell you how many times I cried. I cried because what Colton went through was at times disgusting, at times saddening, and at times heart-wrenching. I cried because what Colton said rang so true to my own experiences. I cried because of how Colton laid bare his life, even his unhealthy thoughts on sex and how he has grown from his experiences. I cannot still believe how what he said could easily have come out of my own mouth. Reading this made me cry because I realized my own history and life, I realized how I look at men and sex and how similar it is to how Colton viewed them. I was left emotional, in the best ways possible.
Though I was left in tears, I am left feeling immense gratitude to Colton for his honest memoir. It showed me I am not alone. Not in my anxiety and depression. Not in my sexuality. The highest compliment I can think of for any memoir that is confessional and honest is that it made me feel like I'm not alone. Colton Haynes' "Miss Memory Lane" made me feel seen and heard. I see Colton. I hear Colton. I am glad he has shared his story and I am so glad he wrote this book.
In short: This is perhaps THE BEST memoir I have ever read. Certainly it is the best memoir I've read about coming to terms with one's sexuality and dealing with one's own faults, becoming self aware and actualizing changes for a better life. I wish Colton all the luck in the world with this book and in whatever he does in the future. He, like everyone else in this world, deserves to be loved completely and unconditionally. Based on this memoir, he has begun to love himself in that way.
UPDATE April 30, 2023: It's almost been a year, and I had to read this again. It was just as amazing this second time around. In the last year I've embarked on a huge career change and became a Peer Recovery Coach, using my recovery in mental illness and eating disorders/food addiction to help others in early recovery from their demons. And I have to attribute Colton Haynes for this shift. His story illuminated several things I knew about myself and was ignoring, such as my own recovery. I've been in recovery for years, but reading this reinvigorated my recovery just when I needed it. And I can never thank him enough. Amazing! If you haven't read this yet, what are you waiting for?
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Pedophilia, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Violence, Grief, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Abandonment, and Alcohol
Moderate: Cancer, Panic attacks/disorders, and Vomit