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A review by emleemay
Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward by Gemma Hartley
2.0
2½ stars.
When I first saw the main title of this book - those two words "Fed Up" - before I even knew what the book was about, I thought of my mum. I pictured her juggling the wants and needs of three kids after a day of work, arms full of laundry that she would load into the machine in between making us dinner. I remembered distinctly the way she sometimes would find a rare moment to sit down and say with a tired sigh: "I'm fed up."
[b: Fed Up|7751805|Fed Up|Sierra Cartwright|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1355975135s/7751805.jpg|10595016] is for a more modern woman than my mother. My mum worked full time, did most of the household chores, and took on an immense emotional burden as well. This book is talking to the women who have achieved what seems like a decent level of equality with their husbands or male partners, but still bear a disproportionate amount of the emotional burden.
It is really important to factor in emotional labor when considering equality. I'm glad we're beginning to discuss it. Hartley shares how her husband seems happy to do household chores, but it remains her responsibility to manage and delegate tasks. "Why didn't you just ask me to do that?" He might ask, instead of recognizing it as something that needs to be done and using his own initiative. She is responsible for organizing parties and holidays, getting gifts for both of their families, and she must constantly remind him to call his mother.
It may sound like nitpicking, but it is emotionally draining to always be responsible for what everyone else is doing. It is also emotionally draining to feel responsible for defusing every argument, and to feel like it is probably just easier to do a task yourself than to deal with the trouble of delegating it.
However, I think the major problem with the book is that it is presented as a study of emotional labor, but is actually a memoir of Hartley's personal experiences with her husband and kids. She carries out very few interviews with other women, returning again and again to her own anecdotes. I would have liked to see her do more research; reach out to more women who are not white and middle class. Her few attempts to touch upon other kinds of experiences seem to get buried under the repetitive descriptions of her own life.
Emotional labor is a topic that could speak to many women, but I think only a small group will see themselves in this book. I personally don't.
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When I first saw the main title of this book - those two words "Fed Up" - before I even knew what the book was about, I thought of my mum. I pictured her juggling the wants and needs of three kids after a day of work, arms full of laundry that she would load into the machine in between making us dinner. I remembered distinctly the way she sometimes would find a rare moment to sit down and say with a tired sigh: "I'm fed up."
[b: Fed Up|7751805|Fed Up|Sierra Cartwright|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1355975135s/7751805.jpg|10595016] is for a more modern woman than my mother. My mum worked full time, did most of the household chores, and took on an immense emotional burden as well. This book is talking to the women who have achieved what seems like a decent level of equality with their husbands or male partners, but still bear a disproportionate amount of the emotional burden.
It is really important to factor in emotional labor when considering equality. I'm glad we're beginning to discuss it. Hartley shares how her husband seems happy to do household chores, but it remains her responsibility to manage and delegate tasks. "Why didn't you just ask me to do that?" He might ask, instead of recognizing it as something that needs to be done and using his own initiative. She is responsible for organizing parties and holidays, getting gifts for both of their families, and she must constantly remind him to call his mother.
It may sound like nitpicking, but it is emotionally draining to always be responsible for what everyone else is doing. It is also emotionally draining to feel responsible for defusing every argument, and to feel like it is probably just easier to do a task yourself than to deal with the trouble of delegating it.
However, I think the major problem with the book is that it is presented as a study of emotional labor, but is actually a memoir of Hartley's personal experiences with her husband and kids. She carries out very few interviews with other women, returning again and again to her own anecdotes. I would have liked to see her do more research; reach out to more women who are not white and middle class. Her few attempts to touch upon other kinds of experiences seem to get buried under the repetitive descriptions of her own life.
Emotional labor is a topic that could speak to many women, but I think only a small group will see themselves in this book. I personally don't.
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