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A review by siobhancollierauthor
Breathe by Abbi Glines
2.0
Overall, this story is okay, but there were some things that annoyed me. Just a quick edit a few weeks after finishing would have cleared it up ...
Ebooks seem to be magnets for typos, and I mean, I have some books I love that, when I got my kindle, I downloaded, and they have typos (like half my Shopaholic books are missing the letter B in capitals, which is a Biggie when the main character has both her first name and surname starting with that letter!) so I am more or less willing to overlook them, sometimes it's the formatting, sometimes it's the transcribing - but sometimes, it's from not reviewing the work. Everyone has those moments of writing something you've heard rather than what you're thinking, a quick once over will point out you wrote the wrong word. You can tell this happened occasionally, sadly, or else Abi's fingers missed keys and she just didn't notice.
The story otherwise ... it could be very repetitive. Sadie, the main character, says she has no personality so many times I'm inclined to agree with her. There were other things that niggled, like Jax looked at Sadie once, and they were in love. He went away for work for a day, and Sadie was heartbroken. His friend came over for a visit, and he's moving on ... it was all a bit much. Especially as she spent all her time with her friend Marcus.
The dialogue was clunky. I get it, you want to show you've mastered the English language, but first person in teenage writing does NOT work out with that! (It's not just you Abi, I notice this everywhere. Where writers get it right, they get it sooooo right, but it's rare) - If you read the dialogue out loud and it doesn't flow like a real conversation, you're not doing it right. Sometimes, the dialogue was more formal than the descriptive parts. Sometimes, Sadie's reaction came as someone else was speaking, which made for hard reading. Also, what's up with the way Ms Mary speaks? No g's man, no g's.
But despite this ... I liked it. Even if I'm thinking singers don't make enough to have houses like that. And is Alabama on the coast? I'm from England, you're never more than 80 miles away from the coast. Genuine question. But despite my endless questions ... there was some heart to it that made it readable, and you could feel some sympathy to Sadie that Jessica just couldn't give one, even after she had Sam. That's a terrible mother, the very least she could have done was go on welfare. I feel for you Sadie, no wonder you're trying to have a tragic love affair in a summer with a "rockstar" (though, I pictured the Jonas Brothers the entire time :/) with a mother like that, I'd escape into a bit of fantasy too.
**Edit** Oh, also, this kinda got me wondering, every time she missed him, Sadie would listen to his music or wish for a poster to go on her wall. What's so wrong with a phone call or visiting his house or, I don't know, a personal picture of the two of them so she can remember the happy times they had when she clocked off for the day? Tell me they didn't spend a whole month in love without photos. Even the photo of them in the magazine would've been something ... right?
**Second Edit** I just google mapped it (loves me some google maps) - Alabama does have a teeny, tiny bit of the coast on the Gulf of Mexico. With the town of Mobile highlighted on first glance so ... yeah, I'll give you that Abi!
Ebooks seem to be magnets for typos, and I mean, I have some books I love that, when I got my kindle, I downloaded, and they have typos (like half my Shopaholic books are missing the letter B in capitals, which is a Biggie when the main character has both her first name and surname starting with that letter!) so I am more or less willing to overlook them, sometimes it's the formatting, sometimes it's the transcribing - but sometimes, it's from not reviewing the work. Everyone has those moments of writing something you've heard rather than what you're thinking, a quick once over will point out you wrote the wrong word. You can tell this happened occasionally, sadly, or else Abi's fingers missed keys and she just didn't notice.
The story otherwise ... it could be very repetitive. Sadie, the main character, says she has no personality so many times I'm inclined to agree with her. There were other things that niggled, like Jax looked at Sadie once, and they were in love. He went away for work for a day, and Sadie was heartbroken. His friend came over for a visit, and he's moving on ... it was all a bit much. Especially as she spent all her time with her friend Marcus.
The dialogue was clunky. I get it, you want to show you've mastered the English language, but first person in teenage writing does NOT work out with that! (It's not just you Abi, I notice this everywhere. Where writers get it right, they get it sooooo right, but it's rare) - If you read the dialogue out loud and it doesn't flow like a real conversation, you're not doing it right. Sometimes, the dialogue was more formal than the descriptive parts. Sometimes, Sadie's reaction came as someone else was speaking, which made for hard reading. Also, what's up with the way Ms Mary speaks? No g's man, no g's.
But despite this ... I liked it. Even if I'm thinking singers don't make enough to have houses like that. And is Alabama on the coast? I'm from England, you're never more than 80 miles away from the coast. Genuine question. But despite my endless questions ... there was some heart to it that made it readable, and you could feel some sympathy to Sadie that Jessica just couldn't give one, even after she had Sam. That's a terrible mother, the very least she could have done was go on welfare. I feel for you Sadie, no wonder you're trying to have a tragic love affair in a summer with a "rockstar" (though, I pictured the Jonas Brothers the entire time :/) with a mother like that, I'd escape into a bit of fantasy too.
**Edit** Oh, also, this kinda got me wondering, every time she missed him, Sadie would listen to his music or wish for a poster to go on her wall. What's so wrong with a phone call or visiting his house or, I don't know, a personal picture of the two of them so she can remember the happy times they had when she clocked off for the day? Tell me they didn't spend a whole month in love without photos. Even the photo of them in the magazine would've been something ... right?
**Second Edit** I just google mapped it (loves me some google maps) - Alabama does have a teeny, tiny bit of the coast on the Gulf of Mexico. With the town of Mobile highlighted on first glance so ... yeah, I'll give you that Abi!