A review by amberreadsgood
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

challenging dark tense slow-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? Character
  • Strong character development? No
  • Loveable characters? No
  • Diverse cast of characters? No
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

I read this fresh off the heels of Know My Name by Chanel Miller, so it was a very interesting contrast. I know one was a memoir and one was inspired-by-true-events fiction, but My Dark Vanessa still felt very close to reality. I read the afterword where feedback from the author's early readers said Vanessa was an unlikable and incomprehensible character, and I do agree. As someone who has not experienced anything like this, it was very difficult to understand why Vanessa thought and did the things she did, as a victim who desperately refused to think of herself as a victim, or of what happened to her as abuse and grooming. I didn't like her or understand her, but I appreciate the different viewpoint Russell has offered us, because I'm sure there are plenty of people  who have gone through similar trauma for whom this rings true.

Tangentially (concerning the afterword again), I found it really odd that Russell's early readers encouraged her to write from Strane's perspective instead of Vanessa's, given her unlikability and the inability to relate to her; were they suggesting we should relate/want to relate to the predator instead?? That's a troubling thought. I've never read it before, but if you want something like that, may as well read Lolita or any other number of book that I'm sure exists with this perspective. I applaud Russell for unapologetically sticking to Vanessa's perspective for her book.

I'm not sure I can say I really enjoyed this book, given that I didn't like any of the characters, it felt like reading a 17 year long train wreck get worse and worse, and the outcome at the end of it all was disappointing. But honestly, this is what roots the book in uncomfortable reality.
Strane offing himself, the school concluding the investigation on Strane and carrying on as normal, and Vanessa still struggling to come to terms with everything that has happened to her
are all things that are incredibly disappointing, frustrating, and heartbreaking, but it's what absolutely happens in real life. Brock Turner was sentenced to six months' incarceration, served only half that.
Strane killed himself because he was a coward who would not face up to the fact that he groomed and raped a 15 year old (and in fact justified it over and over to himself and Vanessa to the point where they both believed it), and never faced any formal consequences for his heinous actions.
Life imitates art indeed.

I think the author achieved what she set out to do. It might not have 100% been my cup of tea, but I admire the approach she took. It was different, difficult, and full of uncomfortable feelings in a way I thought felt realistic. Vanessa is complicated, she has a wealth of complex and painful emotions towards everyone in her life including herself, which I think reflects very well how terribly the abuse really affected her. She's not necessarily incomprehensible, she's fucking traumatised, and she's built a narrative around the abuse that she can accept so she can cope with the scale of it.

Special shoutout to Ruby the therapist, doing the hard yards trying to dig Vanessa out of the emotional hellscape she was buried in, and attempting to get her to understand what she experienced. Saving lives out there.
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