A review by cathepsut
Ocean Grave by Matt Serafini
Did not finish book. Stopped at 48%.
Creature feature. Modern day, with an inept guy trying to be a treasure hunters, tying to find loot in the ocean. Officially he is on his honeymoon, which he uses as an excuse to travel to Madgascar for his treasure hunting scheme. There are pirates as well. Something lurks in the depths. Has potential for a fun romp with monster fish and a high body count, right? Unfortunately the writing is pretty bad and the plot is ridiculous. I can‘t finish this thing. DNF after 140 pages and about 46%.
The mouth of the monster makes a brief appearance after 50+ pages and the head of the monster shows up again at 120+ pages. Sadly, the description of the fish is so vague that it is nonexistent. Hello, creature feature, the characters of the book get to see the monster, shouldn’t the reader?
And don‘t get me started on the writing in general…
“A long piece of driftwood rocked atop the ocean a few hundred kilometers away. Underneath the blazing sun, Mosi could only see a silhouette lift up onto its forearms and wave a hand around. “Please!” The voice was male. Possibly American. His hand reached out, stretching toward Mosi.“ (page 23)
A few hundred kilometers? Wow, that‘s some eye sight and a really loud voice.
And then on page 51:
“Zane balanced himself on the rail and dropped toward the water. The moonlight reached down a few kilometers so dark blue became a gradient of deeper blacks. Soon he was paddling through impenetrable onyx.“
Someone needs to explain to the author what a kilometer is and tell him to drop the „kilo“.
And the descriptions and word choices…
“His eyes were like fried eggs.“
Round? White and yellow?
“She would’ve shot this down with the quickness, because who believed in buried treasure anymore?“
With the quickness, huh? Well, ok then.
“They ran toward it with raised knees, Sara getting out in front of Blake who was bogged down by their luggage, …“
Running with raised knees… Why am I thinking of Monty Python and the Holy Grail all of a sudden?
“She moved with molasses and…“
I‘m picturing her creeping along next to a blob of molasses…
“I’ll gladly take might after all this.”
Huh?
And what‘s with the thin passageways and thin corridors? Is that really a thing?
“The blonde slipped inside the standup shower where the curves of her outline were perfectly amplified by patterned glass.“
As opposed to a sitdown shower? And I wish he would stop describing her as „the blonde“.
The research into scuba diving didn‘t go terribly smoothly either.
“Flippered feet wobbled against the edge and Zane took a deep pull on his valve, swallowing a burst of bottled air before dropping through the gloom like a brick.“
Nope, that is not how it works. More air in the body, more buoyancy. No chance of „dropping like a brick“ that way.
“His body bounced around, scuba tank scraping the cavern’s ceiling as panic bubbles erupted around his breather.“
I have never heard anybody call the regulator a breather.
“His mind ran to a dozen defeated corners, projecting possible fatalities. How he’d rip his wet suit and drown.“
Wetsuits are wet inside, hence the name. They are for thermal insulation. It is unlikely to rip neoprene, but even if you did, it would make absolutely no difference. Well, ok, a part of you would be colder than the rest. Has the author done no research whatsoever before writing this book?
Another gem:
“Imani was a former despot, ousted from Zimbabwe during a revolt where the citizens tired of election rigging and forced the prime minister’s resignation.“
Hm, unlikely scenario. Zimbabwe has had all of 2 prime minsters since its independence. Probably should have picked a different country, not one that was run by the same guy for 30 years.
I don‘t know how I managed to read 140 pages of this. On top of the lack of any meaningful descriptions, any character development whatsoever or a logical succession of events, this whole thing just makes no sense and is utterly ridiculous. I don‘t understand how reviewers can give this 4 and 5 stars?
I skimmed to find out what monster we are dealing with. Found it. I‘m not telling, just in case you do want to read this one here after all. My recommendation: Read Steve Alteninstead.
The mouth of the monster makes a brief appearance after 50+ pages and the head of the monster shows up again at 120+ pages. Sadly, the description of the fish is so vague that it is nonexistent. Hello, creature feature, the characters of the book get to see the monster, shouldn’t the reader?
And don‘t get me started on the writing in general…
“A long piece of driftwood rocked atop the ocean a few hundred kilometers away. Underneath the blazing sun, Mosi could only see a silhouette lift up onto its forearms and wave a hand around. “Please!” The voice was male. Possibly American. His hand reached out, stretching toward Mosi.“ (page 23)
A few hundred kilometers? Wow, that‘s some eye sight and a really loud voice.
And then on page 51:
“Zane balanced himself on the rail and dropped toward the water. The moonlight reached down a few kilometers so dark blue became a gradient of deeper blacks. Soon he was paddling through impenetrable onyx.“
Someone needs to explain to the author what a kilometer is and tell him to drop the „kilo“.
And the descriptions and word choices…
“His eyes were like fried eggs.“
Round? White and yellow?
“She would’ve shot this down with the quickness, because who believed in buried treasure anymore?“
With the quickness, huh? Well, ok then.
“They ran toward it with raised knees, Sara getting out in front of Blake who was bogged down by their luggage, …“
Running with raised knees… Why am I thinking of Monty Python and the Holy Grail all of a sudden?
“She moved with molasses and…“
I‘m picturing her creeping along next to a blob of molasses…
“I’ll gladly take might after all this.”
Huh?
And what‘s with the thin passageways and thin corridors? Is that really a thing?
“The blonde slipped inside the standup shower where the curves of her outline were perfectly amplified by patterned glass.“
As opposed to a sitdown shower? And I wish he would stop describing her as „the blonde“.
The research into scuba diving didn‘t go terribly smoothly either.
“Flippered feet wobbled against the edge and Zane took a deep pull on his valve, swallowing a burst of bottled air before dropping through the gloom like a brick.“
Nope, that is not how it works. More air in the body, more buoyancy. No chance of „dropping like a brick“ that way.
“His body bounced around, scuba tank scraping the cavern’s ceiling as panic bubbles erupted around his breather.“
I have never heard anybody call the regulator a breather.
“His mind ran to a dozen defeated corners, projecting possible fatalities. How he’d rip his wet suit and drown.“
Wetsuits are wet inside, hence the name. They are for thermal insulation. It is unlikely to rip neoprene, but even if you did, it would make absolutely no difference. Well, ok, a part of you would be colder than the rest. Has the author done no research whatsoever before writing this book?
Another gem:
“Imani was a former despot, ousted from Zimbabwe during a revolt where the citizens tired of election rigging and forced the prime minister’s resignation.“
Hm, unlikely scenario. Zimbabwe has had all of 2 prime minsters since its independence. Probably should have picked a different country, not one that was run by the same guy for 30 years.
I don‘t know how I managed to read 140 pages of this. On top of the lack of any meaningful descriptions, any character development whatsoever or a logical succession of events, this whole thing just makes no sense and is utterly ridiculous. I don‘t understand how reviewers can give this 4 and 5 stars?
I skimmed to find out what monster we are dealing with. Found it. I‘m not telling, just in case you do want to read this one here after all. My recommendation: Read Steve Alteninstead.