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A review by omikun
All the Rage by Darcy Lockman
5.0
This is a must read for all the guys out there. I like to think of myself as pretty self conscious and self aware but I find myself doing or have done a lot of off loading of cognitive tasks to my partner. But when I live alone I have no problems taking on those tasks.
One side effect of not taking responsibility is this feeling of sleep walking. In grocery stores I feel lost and a bit helpless if I'm shopping with my partner. But when I go by myself I have a list and know exactly what to get. It's in and out and it feels rather empowering.
Another side effect is I lose respect from my partner. I act incompetent and she loses trust in my ability to self direct, at which point she nags and I complain about that! At the same time when I try to do something and make mistakes, I'm very sensitive to how she reacts. If it's negative, I'm very unlikely to try again any time soon.
So there's a give and take. One's behavior is often times the reaction to another, and their behavior is often times the reaction to our own! It's this tangled web of reactions. This book sites lots of data on the current state of relationships in general, but the problem is often deeper than just "the man isn't pulling his weight." Although I have to say it's mostly the guy not pulling his weight.
One side effect of not taking responsibility is this feeling of sleep walking. In grocery stores I feel lost and a bit helpless if I'm shopping with my partner. But when I go by myself I have a list and know exactly what to get. It's in and out and it feels rather empowering.
Another side effect is I lose respect from my partner. I act incompetent and she loses trust in my ability to self direct, at which point she nags and I complain about that! At the same time when I try to do something and make mistakes, I'm very sensitive to how she reacts. If it's negative, I'm very unlikely to try again any time soon.
So there's a give and take. One's behavior is often times the reaction to another, and their behavior is often times the reaction to our own! It's this tangled web of reactions. This book sites lots of data on the current state of relationships in general, but the problem is often deeper than just "the man isn't pulling his weight." Although I have to say it's mostly the guy not pulling his weight.