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A review by libralita
The Bane Chronicles by Cassandra Clare, Maureen Johnson, Sarah Rees Brennan
5.0
What Really Happened in Peru:
Rating: 5/5
I adore Ragnor and Magnus’s bromance, I love how Magnus calls Ragnor his “sweet little peapod”.
Magnus and the monkey was glorious.
“‘You are just jealous,’ Magnus remarked calmly. ‘Because you do not have the soul of a true artiste like myself.’
‘Oh, I am positively green with envy,’ Ragnor snapped.”—page 23
You two little shits.
I felt so bad for Magnus when Imasu was telling him how bad he was. That’s so sad. Then when Imasu broke up with him.
“‘Do you think that eventually our kind becomes far enough removed from humanity that transform into creatures that are untouchable and unlovable by humanity?’ Magnus asked.”—page 34
Yeah, you need another drink.
That’s lame that we didn’t really get to know why Magnus was banned from Peru.
The Runaway Queen/Vampires, Scones and Edmund Herondale:
TRQ Rating: 3/5
VS&EH Rating: 5/5
So my computer is being stupid and I lost these reviews, which I’m so pissed off about. But to be short, The Runaway Queen was a bit boring compared to the first story. However VS&EH was much more funny and interesting to see the Clave be assholes to Downworlders. I guess they kind of came a long way.
The Midnight Heir:
Rating: 5/5
Jesus H Christ, James Herondale you’re a fuck disgrace to Tessa, Will and the man you’re named after.
“‘There isn’t any chance,’ Magnus asked, without much hope, ‘that you are rather a nice fellow who believes he is cursed and must make himself seem unlovable to spare those around him from a terrible fate? Because I have heard that happens sometimes.’”—page 164
haha, I loved this.
“‘What happened?’ Magnus asked musingly. ‘Well, let me see. He stole a bicycle and rode it, not using his hands at any point, through Trafalgar Square. He attempted to climb Nelson’s Column and fight with Nelson. Then I lost him for a brief period of time, and by the time I caught up with him, he wandered into Hyde Park, waded into the Serpentine, spread his arms, wide and was shouting, ‘Ducks, embrace me as your king!’”—page 166
For the love of god, what the hell is with the Herondales and ducks.
“Magnus raised an eyebrow. ‘He’s your son.’
‘What are you trying to imply?’ Will demanded…”—page 169
Hehehe.
“‘Do stop flirting with my husband,’ said Tessa.
‘I shall not,’ Magnus declared, ‘but I will pause briefly so that I may catch up on your news…’”—page 170
I adore these two.
OH GOD JEM, THIS BOOK IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY!
I think Herondale actually translates to “I have a fucking death wish”
Wow, Tatiana has fucking issues. Also Grace does, too.
Oh, so James is kind of a dick because of a girl. A bat shit crazy girl.
The Rise of the Hotel Dumort
Rating: 4/5
Magnus owned a speakeasy in 1929? Weird but not surprising.
Greymark! It’s Luke’s ancestor! Cool!
It’s interesting to see to see Magnus through the Stock Market Crash.
This was a pretty interesting story, but I prefer the funnier stories like Peru.
Saving Raphael Santiago:
Rating: 5/5
“Go to faeries for gossip about vampires, to werewolves for gossip about faeries, and do not gossip about werewolves, because they try to bite your face off: that was Magnus’s motto.”—page 258
Good motto.
Magnus and Raphael as roommates.
“‘And you constantly give the Shadowhunters lip, so they all dislike you, save a few wayward rebellious souls,’ said Ragnor. ‘How many times have I told you, Magnus? Behavior professionally in a professional setting. Which means no being rude to Nephilim, and also no getting attached to Nephilim.’
‘I never get attached to Nephilim!’ Magnus protested.
Ragnor coughed, and it the midst of the cough said something that sounded like, ‘blerondale.’”—page 281
Ragnor, you shit, I love you.
This story is really sad because both Ragnor and Raphael are dead and I had to google it because I forgot how Ragnor died. How could you kill Ragnor, he’s the greatest foil for Magnus.
Lily! I love her.
“Sorry. I went deaf with sheer amazement that anyone could like Raphael.”—Magnus, page 289
Haha same.
“‘Oh no, Raphael, please don’t leave me,’ Magnus said in a monotone. ‘Where would I be without the light of your sweet smile? If you go, I will throw myself upon the ground and weep.’
‘Will you?’ asked Raphael, raising one thin eyebrow. ‘Because if you do, I will stay and watch the show.’”—page 290-291
They two need their own show.
The Fall of the Hotel Dumort:
Rating: 4/5
The girl is doing drugs in the plane? Wow this is the 70s.
Don’t you hate it when four Vampires crash on your sofa, trash your house and are watching cartoons?
The drugs! The vampires are attacking people with drugs in their system and now they’re addicted to the blood. That’s why they’re so sickly! Thanks City of Heavenly Fire for that moment where Simon was drunk.
“‘Don’t even try the face with me. I am not one of your conquests, Magnus. I am your friend. We are supposed to get pizza, not do the nasty.’”—page 342-343
Catarina! Glad to see you back.
Magnus needs to watch ‘The Society of the Blind Eye’ episode from Gravity Falls.
Moral of story: don’t do drugs kids, or vampires might drink your blood and go on a murder spree.
What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything (And Who You’re Not Officially Dating Anyway):
Rating: 5/5
This is another adorable comic for this story.
Excuse me but the fact that Magnus has coffee mug that says, “Better Than Gandalf” is the greatest thing ever.
Elyaas and Magnus interacting is the best, Clare and Rees Brennan is probably the best at writing comedy for this book.
Magnus calling for advice was the absolutely cutest thing ever.
“Ragnor was spending a lot of time lately in Idris, the Shadowhunter’s city of glass, where phones, television, and the Internet did not work, and where Magnus imagined the Angel’s chosen ones had to resort pornographic woodcuts when they wanted to unwind after a long day’s demon-hunting.”—page 367
For the love of god, Magnus.
What the hell is Tessa doing in the Amazon rainforest?
There are too many funny lines from the scene where Magnus called Ragnor to ask advice for Alec. I feel so bad, no one is giving him advice!
“Magnus crossed the floor in three easy strides and boomed into the intercom: ‘WHO DARES DISTURB THE HIGH WARLOCK AT WORK?’
There was a pause.
‘Seriously, if you are Jehovah’s Witnesses…’”—page 376
Another great line.
“For all that, Magnus had many reasons. Nephilim were guarded, Nephilim were arrogant, Nephilim were to be avoided. Even the Shadowhunters Magnus had met and liked had been, every one, a trouble sundae with dark secrets cherries on top.”—page 379
I like this line.
MALEC! My shipper heart.
The Last Stand of the New York Institute:
Rating: 5/5
It’s so interesting to see Valentine in his prime.
Hey, the Clave being stupid and worthless!
Apparently being a “promising Shadowhunter” gives the ability to get away with murder for Clave in 1989.
I adore Magnus being protective of Catarina, that’s so cute.
Oop Stephen knows and god Luke you were a douche canoe back in the day.
“‘I am fighting for a better world for myself and my son,’ said the woman called Maryse.
‘I have no interest in the world you want,’ Magnus told her. ‘Or in your doubtless repellent brat, I might add.’”—page 415
hehehehehe.
HOW DARE YOU STAB MAGNUS BANE?!
I think Whitelaws are my favorite Nephilim families.
Alright, Luke, isn’t that big of a douche canoe.
“Valentine said slowly, ‘Did you not promise me unconditional obedience? Tell me, what use have I for a second-in-command who undermines me like this?’”—page 423
Friendship and parabatai, you’re doing it wrong.
Oh, God, I forget what a bastard Valentine. He killed his own kind and he doesn’t even give a fuck. What a sick and twisted man.
Adam Whitelaw’s death was the saddest thing, ever.
TESSA AND MAGNUS CURLED UP WATCHING PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND TESSA COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW IT’S NOT FAITHFUL TO THE BOOK! I’M SO HAPPY!
“‘If your head fell off,’ Tessa said, ‘the hairdressing industry would go into an economic meltdown.’”—page 431
TESSA!
“The Great Catsby” Magnus you shit.
BABY CLARY IS THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD!
The Course of True Love
Rating: 5/5
SO MUCH CUTE MALEC! I’M DYING!
Alec is so insecure and sweet, he’s adorable!
I adored this so much.
The Voicemail of Magnus Bane:
Rating: 5/5
Isabella is comedy MVP in this.
Alec was really breaking my heart.
“Maybe we could be bros who shoot arrows together.”—Simon, page 500
That sounds sexual.
“Greetings, Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, from Raphael Santiago of New York vampire clan, loyal servant of our glorious Queen Maureen, forever may she reign in dark glory, and the future Prince Consort Simon, babelicious rock god.
We have to begin all our telephone calls in this manner now. Including our nightly call to a place called Hot Topic.
It would be needless to state, after this introduction, that I consider myself a damned soul.”—page 504
This was perfect!
Rating: 5/5
I adore Ragnor and Magnus’s bromance, I love how Magnus calls Ragnor his “sweet little peapod”.
Magnus and the monkey was glorious.
“‘You are just jealous,’ Magnus remarked calmly. ‘Because you do not have the soul of a true artiste like myself.’
‘Oh, I am positively green with envy,’ Ragnor snapped.”—page 23
You two little shits.
I felt so bad for Magnus when Imasu was telling him how bad he was. That’s so sad. Then when Imasu broke up with him.
“‘Do you think that eventually our kind becomes far enough removed from humanity that transform into creatures that are untouchable and unlovable by humanity?’ Magnus asked.”—page 34
Yeah, you need another drink.
That’s lame that we didn’t really get to know why Magnus was banned from Peru.
The Runaway Queen/Vampires, Scones and Edmund Herondale:
TRQ Rating: 3/5
VS&EH Rating: 5/5
So my computer is being stupid and I lost these reviews, which I’m so pissed off about. But to be short, The Runaway Queen was a bit boring compared to the first story. However VS&EH was much more funny and interesting to see the Clave be assholes to Downworlders. I guess they kind of came a long way.
The Midnight Heir:
Rating: 5/5
Jesus H Christ, James Herondale you’re a fuck disgrace to Tessa, Will and the man you’re named after.
“‘There isn’t any chance,’ Magnus asked, without much hope, ‘that you are rather a nice fellow who believes he is cursed and must make himself seem unlovable to spare those around him from a terrible fate? Because I have heard that happens sometimes.’”—page 164
haha, I loved this.
“‘What happened?’ Magnus asked musingly. ‘Well, let me see. He stole a bicycle and rode it, not using his hands at any point, through Trafalgar Square. He attempted to climb Nelson’s Column and fight with Nelson. Then I lost him for a brief period of time, and by the time I caught up with him, he wandered into Hyde Park, waded into the Serpentine, spread his arms, wide and was shouting, ‘Ducks, embrace me as your king!’”—page 166
For the love of god, what the hell is with the Herondales and ducks.
“Magnus raised an eyebrow. ‘He’s your son.’
‘What are you trying to imply?’ Will demanded…”—page 169
Hehehe.
“‘Do stop flirting with my husband,’ said Tessa.
‘I shall not,’ Magnus declared, ‘but I will pause briefly so that I may catch up on your news…’”—page 170
I adore these two.
OH GOD JEM, THIS BOOK IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY!
I think Herondale actually translates to “I have a fucking death wish”
Wow, Tatiana has fucking issues. Also Grace does, too.
Oh, so James is kind of a dick because of a girl. A bat shit crazy girl.
The Rise of the Hotel Dumort
Rating: 4/5
Magnus owned a speakeasy in 1929? Weird but not surprising.
Greymark! It’s Luke’s ancestor! Cool!
It’s interesting to see to see Magnus through the Stock Market Crash.
This was a pretty interesting story, but I prefer the funnier stories like Peru.
Saving Raphael Santiago:
Rating: 5/5
“Go to faeries for gossip about vampires, to werewolves for gossip about faeries, and do not gossip about werewolves, because they try to bite your face off: that was Magnus’s motto.”—page 258
Good motto.
Magnus and Raphael as roommates.
“‘And you constantly give the Shadowhunters lip, so they all dislike you, save a few wayward rebellious souls,’ said Ragnor. ‘How many times have I told you, Magnus? Behavior professionally in a professional setting. Which means no being rude to Nephilim, and also no getting attached to Nephilim.’
‘I never get attached to Nephilim!’ Magnus protested.
Ragnor coughed, and it the midst of the cough said something that sounded like, ‘blerondale.’”—page 281
Ragnor, you shit, I love you.
This story is really sad because both Ragnor and Raphael are dead and I had to google it because I forgot how Ragnor died. How could you kill Ragnor, he’s the greatest foil for Magnus.
Lily! I love her.
“Sorry. I went deaf with sheer amazement that anyone could like Raphael.”—Magnus, page 289
Haha same.
“‘Oh no, Raphael, please don’t leave me,’ Magnus said in a monotone. ‘Where would I be without the light of your sweet smile? If you go, I will throw myself upon the ground and weep.’
‘Will you?’ asked Raphael, raising one thin eyebrow. ‘Because if you do, I will stay and watch the show.’”—page 290-291
They two need their own show.
The Fall of the Hotel Dumort:
Rating: 4/5
The girl is doing drugs in the plane? Wow this is the 70s.
Don’t you hate it when four Vampires crash on your sofa, trash your house and are watching cartoons?
The drugs! The vampires are attacking people with drugs in their system and now they’re addicted to the blood. That’s why they’re so sickly! Thanks City of Heavenly Fire for that moment where Simon was drunk.
“‘Don’t even try the face with me. I am not one of your conquests, Magnus. I am your friend. We are supposed to get pizza, not do the nasty.’”—page 342-343
Catarina! Glad to see you back.
Magnus needs to watch ‘The Society of the Blind Eye’ episode from Gravity Falls.
Moral of story: don’t do drugs kids, or vampires might drink your blood and go on a murder spree.
What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything (And Who You’re Not Officially Dating Anyway):
Rating: 5/5
This is another adorable comic for this story.
Excuse me but the fact that Magnus has coffee mug that says, “Better Than Gandalf” is the greatest thing ever.
Elyaas and Magnus interacting is the best, Clare and Rees Brennan is probably the best at writing comedy for this book.
Magnus calling for advice was the absolutely cutest thing ever.
“Ragnor was spending a lot of time lately in Idris, the Shadowhunter’s city of glass, where phones, television, and the Internet did not work, and where Magnus imagined the Angel’s chosen ones had to resort pornographic woodcuts when they wanted to unwind after a long day’s demon-hunting.”—page 367
For the love of god, Magnus.
What the hell is Tessa doing in the Amazon rainforest?
There are too many funny lines from the scene where Magnus called Ragnor to ask advice for Alec. I feel so bad, no one is giving him advice!
“Magnus crossed the floor in three easy strides and boomed into the intercom: ‘WHO DARES DISTURB THE HIGH WARLOCK AT WORK?’
There was a pause.
‘Seriously, if you are Jehovah’s Witnesses…’”—page 376
Another great line.
“For all that, Magnus had many reasons. Nephilim were guarded, Nephilim were arrogant, Nephilim were to be avoided. Even the Shadowhunters Magnus had met and liked had been, every one, a trouble sundae with dark secrets cherries on top.”—page 379
I like this line.
MALEC! My shipper heart.
The Last Stand of the New York Institute:
Rating: 5/5
It’s so interesting to see Valentine in his prime.
Hey, the Clave being stupid and worthless!
Apparently being a “promising Shadowhunter” gives the ability to get away with murder for Clave in 1989.
I adore Magnus being protective of Catarina, that’s so cute.
Oop Stephen knows and god Luke you were a douche canoe back in the day.
“‘I am fighting for a better world for myself and my son,’ said the woman called Maryse.
‘I have no interest in the world you want,’ Magnus told her. ‘Or in your doubtless repellent brat, I might add.’”—page 415
hehehehehe.
HOW DARE YOU STAB MAGNUS BANE?!
I think Whitelaws are my favorite Nephilim families.
Alright, Luke, isn’t that big of a douche canoe.
“Valentine said slowly, ‘Did you not promise me unconditional obedience? Tell me, what use have I for a second-in-command who undermines me like this?’”—page 423
Friendship and parabatai, you’re doing it wrong.
Oh, God, I forget what a bastard Valentine. He killed his own kind and he doesn’t even give a fuck. What a sick and twisted man.
Adam Whitelaw’s death was the saddest thing, ever.
TESSA AND MAGNUS CURLED UP WATCHING PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND TESSA COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW IT’S NOT FAITHFUL TO THE BOOK! I’M SO HAPPY!
“‘If your head fell off,’ Tessa said, ‘the hairdressing industry would go into an economic meltdown.’”—page 431
TESSA!
“The Great Catsby” Magnus you shit.
BABY CLARY IS THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD!
The Course of True Love
Rating: 5/5
SO MUCH CUTE MALEC! I’M DYING!
Alec is so insecure and sweet, he’s adorable!
I adored this so much.
The Voicemail of Magnus Bane:
Rating: 5/5
Isabella is comedy MVP in this.
Alec was really breaking my heart.
“Maybe we could be bros who shoot arrows together.”—Simon, page 500
That sounds sexual.
“Greetings, Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, from Raphael Santiago of New York vampire clan, loyal servant of our glorious Queen Maureen, forever may she reign in dark glory, and the future Prince Consort Simon, babelicious rock god.
We have to begin all our telephone calls in this manner now. Including our nightly call to a place called Hot Topic.
It would be needless to state, after this introduction, that I consider myself a damned soul.”—page 504
This was perfect!