A review by sarah42783
Shadow Prowler by Алексей Пехов, Alexey Pehov, Andrew Bloomfield

4.0

😈 Blame It All On The Evil Russians™ Buddy Read (BIAOTEVBR™) with Evgeny, Eilonwy, Lee and My Dearest of Wives 😈

Rating breakdown:
• Super Extra Fun Entertaining Story: +5 stars.
• Somewhat Slightly Cool Cast of Characters: +5 stars.
• Barbarically Clunky Translation: - 5 stars.
• Poorly Poor Editing Job: - 1 star.

And the moral of this breakdown is: thou shalt not judge a book by its subpar translation and/or its in-dire-need-of-editing editing. No, thou shalt not.


Well, technically, you can if you want to. I mean, it’s a free country, after all (much to my utter desperation and sorrow and stuff), so if you want to waste your time whining about the moderately clumsy Russian to Crusta-Speak English translation and wondering (among other things) why the fish the MC’s name was changed from Sounds Perfectly Fine Garrett (SPFG™) to Sounds Pretty Pathetic Harold (SPPH™), when another character’s name remained the same despite causing much confusing confusion in English (for his name is For), then feel free and stuff. Oh, and if you happen to have a few extra minutes to spare after wasting your time in this foolish manner, you could squander it a bit more by wondering (among other things) why the stinking shrimp one of the characters suddenly calls Harold Garrett (instead of, um, you know, Harold) towards the end of the book. Or why Garrett, no, sorry, I meant to say Harold. No, wait, it’s Garrett I meant. Unless it was Harold. I forget. Anyway, what was I going to say? Can’t remember now. Oh, well. So. Pondering over such puny issues is obviously beneath me, but, had I given them some thought (which I didn’t), I would probably have come to the very logical conclusion that Russian authors provide their translators and editors with high quality stuff. (And that, whatever it is, I want some.)



Anyway, if you do the Super Clever Thing (SCT™) like me, and decide to ignore all the above mentioned stuff, then there’s a slight chance you might perhaps enjoy the book. Maybe. A little. Okay, to be revoltingly honest, I have to admit that the premise of the story is a teensy little bit clichéd, as it comes fully equipped with a hastily brought-together fellowship bunch of diverse characters joining forces to fight Sauron the Ultimate Evil and stuff. BUT. If you do the SCT™ again (yes, it’s exhausting. Believe me, I know), and go with the scrumptiously entertaining flow, then you’ll find your little self being scrumptiously entertained. And if you don’t, then that means you read the book wrong.

“And what exactly makes this trope fest book such a delightfully engrossing piece of fun fantasy,” you ask? Why evil, aristocratic crayfish, obviously:

“The rotten skunks have really got cheeky!” Deler boomed. “They’re dressed up in guards’ uniforms.” “But who are they?” “Crayfish,” the gnome said, and spat, without turning away from the window. “Creatures of the Crayfish Dukedom.”

You have to admit the presence of villainous crustaceans alone warrants a 5+ star rating. And this is only one of the Many Slightly Awesome Things (MSAT™) that make this book Very Slightly Awesome (VSA™). Want to know about the other MSAT™? Why, of course you do!

① My Yummy Thief of a Boyfriend Garrett Harold.
Okay, so Harold isn’t the sexiest moniker ever, but this particular Harold happens to be a thief, which makes him automatically hot and stuff. Also, his nickname is Shadow Harold (because spoiler spoiler spoiler) and shadows make me think of my #1 boyfriend Sandman Slim (because spoiler spoiler spoiler), which makes Harold Instantly Extra Super Hot (IESH™). Also also, he is NOT one of these disgustingly young MCs who make me feel like an Egyptian mummy from the First Dynasty a bit ancient, which certainly doesn’t hurt and stuff. Also also also, he is one delicious, snarky smart-ass, so yum and stuff.



② Not a boring moment to be had.
It’s all fun, fast-paced, super entertaining stuff all the time. Add to that Halloween-approved, creepalicious scenes featuring the scariest creatures ever (aka cute little kids *shudders*), blood gushing from ragged wounds in “jolly, rhythmical spurts”, one of the best bar fights ever, and strategically inserted, most excellent flashbacks that give much more depth to the story, and tada! You get your little self a Slightly Very Good Book (SVGB™) and stuff.

③ The scrumptious cast of secondary characters.
This is one awesome fellowship bunch, if you ask me. Okay, we don’t know all of them that well yet, since this is only the beginning of their journey to fight Sauron the Baddest Bad, but I already 💕lurves💕 a few of them, and have consequently done the Preemptive Kidnapping Adopting Thing (PKAT™), just in case. So first we have Kli-Kli, aka the coolest, most annoyingly hilarious and hilariously annoying goblin in the history of coolest, most annoyingly hilarious and hilariously annoying goblins. Then we have Deler the dwarf and Hallas the gnome, who, as an Evil Russian™

whose name I shan’t reveal because I’m not like that, oh no, not me

*waves at Evgeny*

once mentioned, are kinda sorta like a decaf-yet-cool version of One-Eye and Goblin

anyone who dares ask who One-Eye and Goblin are will get the murderous crustaceans unleashed on their lovely derriere post haste. But hey, no pressure and stuff

. And finally we have Potential High Security Harem Specimen #12589, aka my soon-to-be Super Hot Elven Girlfriend of the Extra Sexey Fangs (SHEGotESF™), Lady Mine Mine Mine Miralissa. What can I say, I’ve always had a soft spot for chicks who run around with bow in hand and a dagger dripping with gore at their side.

④ Welcome to the zoo!
I might perhaps maybe have previously mentioned that there are goblins and dwarves and gnomes and elves

oh my!

in this most engaging tale. Well, guess what, there are also ogres and giants and trolls, oh my! And orcs and demons and centaurs, oh my! And dragons and phantoms and puny humans, oh my! Yes! You read that right! There are even puny humans in this story! Amazing, is it not? But you know what the coolest of coolest cuddly pets are in this book (apart from the homicidal crayfish, obviously)? Ever-bleating goat-men. Sorry, I think the politically correct term for them is Doralissians. I personally think “goat-men” sounds much hotter, but what do I know? Anyway, the Doralissians are pretty wondrous creatures beings. Not only do they howl and baaaaaa non-stop, they’re also hot-tempered as fish, stubborn as shrimp and stupider than a herd of brain-dead dinoflagellates. Quite the deliciously irresistible mix, methinks.



That’s what happens when you put a barrel of Russian vodka in a goat-men pen Doralissian compound, just so you know.

⑤ Hahahahaha.
Need I say more? Didn’t think so.

➽ And the moral of this So Many New Potential Harem Slaves Boarders I Better Have Fleet Admiral DaShrimp Build a New High Security Wing Double Quick Just In Case and Stuff Crappy Non Review(SMNPHSBIBHFADBaNHSWDBJICaSCNR™) is: thieving stuff + assassination stuff + creepy stuff + adventurous stuff + jolly camaraderie stuff + quite humerus humorous stuff = Alexey Pehov 1 – Translation and Editing Team of Doom™ 0.

• Book 2: Shadow Chaser ★★★★
• Book 3: Shadow Blizzard ★★★★



[Pre-review nonsense]

Yummy thief + best goblin court jester ever + murderous aristocratic crayfish + ever-bleating goat-men + creepy stuff + hahahahaha + blood and gore, yay! =



This is my recently acquired Homicidal Goat Herd of Doom (HGHoD™), just so you know. They loved reading this book just as much as I did, in case you hadn't noticed.

➽ Full I'm Speed Learning Cyrillic script So I Can Read the Next Installment in Russian Because this Translation Kinda Sorta Sucked Wasn't the Best Ever Crappy Non Review (ISLCSSICRtNIiRBtTKSSWtBECNR™) to come.