A review by sarah42783
Shadow Blizzard by Alexey Pehov
4.0
đ Carrot-Eating Goblins For The Win Buddy Read (CEGFTWBRâ˘) with Evgeny and Eilonwy đ
Why you should read this trilogy in general and this instalment in particular:
â If you donât, the Evil Russians⢠will come and get you.
Need I say more? Didnât think so.
⥠The author was born in March.
What Impeccable Birth Month Taste (IBMTâ˘) indeed. And Iâm not saying that just because Pehov and I share the Mostest Awesomest Zodiac Sign Ever (MAZSEâ˘). Of course not, donât be silly now. Iâm way above pathetic considerations such as this one.
⢠Itâs contemporary Russian Fantasy.
Which is Slightly Very Cool in and of itself. And delightfully refreshing, too. And also refreshingly delightful, come to think of it.
⣠The story arc might not be groundbreakingly original, but itâs entertaining as fish.
Yes, itâs true, the series arc kinda sorta smells liketeen spirit The Lord of the Shrimps Rings, BUT: Itâs pretty well-written. Itâs fast-paced. Itâs packed with Fun Adventure Stuff (FASâ˘). There are fights and battles and duels. There is slaughter and blood, and severed limbs abound. Thereâs hahahahaha stuff aplenty. And also Splendiferously Creepy Stuff (SCSâ˘). There are great, engaging characters. And there are evil, backstabbing bastards, too *swoons* Also, there are bloody-fishing-hell-of-the-stinking-barnacle-I-didnât-see-that-one-coming twists and surprises. Which never hurts, if you ask me. All in all, I think one might perhaps say that this series could possibly be a moderately pleasurable read. Maybe.
Donât ask.
⤠Welcome to the zoothree quarters half of it instead.
There are goblins, there are dwarves, there are gnomes, and there are elves. There are ogres, there are giants, there are trolls and there are orcs. There are centaurs, there are demons, there are dragons and there are phantoms. There are gargoyles, there are midget zombies, there are shaggy-haired rats with humongous teeth and claws (best pet ever, methinks) and there are dragoatflies (itâs a grasshopper! Itâs a dragonfly! Itâs a goat! Itâs a bloody shrimping dragoatfly!). There are men-eating monsters with frog-like skulls, there are half-bird, half-bear creatures, there are beasts that are all jaws and row upon row upon row of blinding-white, dagger-sharp teeth, there are crosses between monkeys and wolves, and there are soap bubble/spider hybrids. There are also slightly brain-dead, stubborn, vindictive, ever-bleatingDoralissians goatmen. And last, but obviously not least, there are homicidally-inclined, evil, aristocratic crayfish. Ergo, pure bliss is me and stuff.
Looks like pure bliss is not everyone, though.
⼠Hrad Spein.
Such a wonderfully welcoming place this is. The perfect holiday spot, really. You do not want to go there. Oh no, you donât. You better trust me on this one. I mean, I know a thing or two about slightly petrifying locations (comes with the job description and all that) but even Iâthesupposedly fearless nefarious tyrantâwas most creeped out by Hrad Spein, which is saying something and stuff. Anyway, you do not want to go there, but you definitely want to read about it. (Bold + underline enough, or should I also capitalize this to get my point across?) Actually, the Hrad Spein chapters in Shadow Blizzard alone make reading this trilogy worthwile. So QED and stuff. Sorry what? You want to know more about Hrad Spein? Hahahahaha. Too bad.
⌠Alexy Pehov is a ruthless killer.
You better not get attached to any of the characters in this trilogy, because they have the very unfortunate tendency to drop like anemic flies well past their expiration date. Which is somewhat very awesome, if you ask me. You have to admire an author who has absolutely no mercy on his fictional children and gleefully butchers them one after the other, no matter how likeable and/or central to the plot they are. Some people might think of it as cruel, and also a little heartbreaking, but I happen to be quite merciless, and my black, withered heart is black and withered, so none of this affected me at all. Especially not Spoiler Spoiler Spoilerâs death (not the characterâs real name, in case you were wondering). And neither did Spoiler Spoiler Spoilerâs death (not the characterâs real name either, in case you were wondering again). Of course not. Donât be silly now. I am no weak, puny human and therefore absolutely not distressed when SOME OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS in a book are viciously killed deadly dead. No no no, nuh-uh, not me.
⧠Kli-Kli for President.
Because there is much much MUCH more to this little greenbedbug goblin than meets the compound eye. Because Kli-Kli is quite probably the mostest awesomest character in the trilogy. Because Kli-Kli is most assuredly one of the bestest sidekicks ever. Because Kli-Kli is Super Extra Resourceful (SERâ˘). Because Kli-Kli is hilariously annoying and annoyingly hilarious. Because Kli-Kli is really quite touching â I never wrote this revoltingly heartfelt sentence, ergo you never read it. Just so you know. Because Kli-Kli is a super cool dance teacher. Sometimes. Because Kli-Kli is the best friend one could ever ask for. (Not me, obviously, because I hate friends in general, and best friends in particular.) And because Kli-Kli is full of I-am-slightly-gobsmacked-surprises which I could tell you about but wonât tell you about because spoiler spoiler spoiler and stuff you are quite welcome.
So. Time for some Doralissian-Approved Shrimp Maths (DASMâ˘):
â + ⥠+ ⢠+ ⣠+ ⤠+ ⼠+ ⌠+ ⧠=
You could say that, yes.
Now. Time for the awfully disgusting truth: slightly awesome as this trilogy is, the translation is pretty clunky and the editing a little problematic. The good news is, the translation improves a lot after book 1. The bad news is, the editing gets much, much worse. I mean, I seriously wonder if anyone even bothered to reread book 3 before it was released. Or maybe itâs just that my editing standards are unreasonably high. Who cares about extra spaces between words, anyway? Iâm probably the only one who finds readingwords things like âea gle,â âplea sure,â âgrin ning,â âtreacher ous,â and (my personal favorite) âphi los o phersâ ever-so-slightly exasperating. Same thing about missing spaces (âoffitsâ instead of âoff itsâ). And extra, free of charge hyphens (âduke-dom,â âtwi-light,â âtravel-erâs,â etc). As for quirky little creations like âwordofonner,â Iâm sure no one but me finds them a teensy little but, um, puzzling and stuff. Yep, pretty sure indeed.
â˝ And the moral of this I Intended to Cut the Crap Drastically in this Review but Guess What I Didnât Ha Crappy Non Review (IItCtCDitRbGWIDHCNRâ˘) is: I rated all three instalments in this trilogy 4 stars. Despite the not-so-convincing translation and slightly disastrous editing. Get it? Good.
⢠Book 1: Shadow Prowler â â â â
⢠Book 2: Shadow Chaser â â â â
[Pre-review nonsense]
Mr Pehov. Alexey Dear. Far be it from me to threaten you or anything so vulgar, but if you don't write a Kli-Kli spinoff, I'm unleashing the murderous crustaceans on you. No need to fret, though. I mean, coming up with new adventures for Kli-Kli shouldn't be too hard for you. The Tiny Carrot Addict is, after all, Prime Goblin Material (PGMâ˘) and stuff.
Yep, that's my Kli-Kli right there, the Mostest Awesomest Goblin That Ever Was And Ever Will Be (MAGTEWAEWBâ˘)! So much scrumptiousness shouldn't be left languishing in a completed trilogy, if you ask me. Ergo, Alexey Dear, you owe it to the little green bed bug to dedicate a book to him. A trilogy would work, too. And so would a 10+ book series.
Oh, and by the way, it's not like I shamelessly threatened you withbodily crustacean-inflicted harm or anything, so no pressure and stuff.
â˝ Full Super Extra Crappy Non Review (SECNRâ˘) to come.
Why you should read this trilogy in general and this instalment in particular:
â If you donât, the Evil Russians⢠will come and get you.
Need I say more? Didnât think so.
⥠The author was born in March.
What Impeccable Birth Month Taste (IBMTâ˘) indeed. And Iâm not saying that just because Pehov and I share the Mostest Awesomest Zodiac Sign Ever (MAZSEâ˘). Of course not, donât be silly now. Iâm way above pathetic considerations such as this one.
⢠Itâs contemporary Russian Fantasy.
Which is Slightly Very Cool in and of itself. And delightfully refreshing, too. And also refreshingly delightful, come to think of it.
⣠The story arc might not be groundbreakingly original, but itâs entertaining as fish.
Yes, itâs true, the series arc kinda sorta smells like
Donât ask.
⤠Welcome to the zoo
Spoiler
I nearly almost copied the following paragraph from my [b:Shadow Prowler|7022317|Shadow Prowler (Chronicles of Siala #1)|Alexey Pehov|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1327364808s/7022317.jpg|7268992] review, but I didnât, because Iâm not like that. Iâll just copyThere are goblins, there are dwarves, there are gnomes, and there are elves. There are ogres, there are giants, there are trolls and there are orcs. There are centaurs, there are demons, there are dragons and there are phantoms. There are gargoyles, there are midget zombies, there are shaggy-haired rats with humongous teeth and claws (best pet ever, methinks) and there are dragoatflies (itâs a grasshopper! Itâs a dragonfly! Itâs a goat! Itâs a bloody shrimping dragoatfly!). There are men-eating monsters with frog-like skulls, there are half-bird, half-bear creatures, there are beasts that are all jaws and row upon row upon row of blinding-white, dagger-sharp teeth, there are crosses between monkeys and wolves, and there are soap bubble/spider hybrids. There are also slightly brain-dead, stubborn, vindictive, ever-bleating
Looks like pure bliss is not everyone, though.
⼠Hrad Spein.
Such a wonderfully welcoming place this is. The perfect holiday spot, really. You do not want to go there. Oh no, you donât. You better trust me on this one. I mean, I know a thing or two about slightly petrifying locations (comes with the job description and all that) but even Iâthe
⌠Alexy Pehov is a ruthless killer.
You better not get attached to any of the characters in this trilogy, because they have the very unfortunate tendency to drop like anemic flies well past their expiration date. Which is somewhat very awesome, if you ask me. You have to admire an author who has absolutely no mercy on his fictional children and gleefully butchers them one after the other, no matter how likeable and/or central to the plot they are. Some people might think of it as cruel, and also a little heartbreaking, but I happen to be quite merciless, and my black, withered heart is black and withered, so none of this affected me at all. Especially not Spoiler Spoiler Spoilerâs death (not the characterâs real name, in case you were wondering). And neither did Spoiler Spoiler Spoilerâs death (not the characterâs real name either, in case you were wondering again). Of course not. Donât be silly now. I am no weak, puny human and therefore absolutely not distressed when SOME OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS in a book are viciously killed deadly dead. No no no, nuh-uh, not me.
Spoiler
⧠Kli-Kli for President.
Because there is much much MUCH more to this little green
So. Time for some Doralissian-Approved Shrimp Maths (DASMâ˘):
â + ⥠+ ⢠+ ⣠+ ⤠+ ⼠+ ⌠+ ⧠=
You could say that, yes.
Now. Time for the awfully disgusting truth: slightly awesome as this trilogy is, the translation is pretty clunky and the editing a little problematic. The good news is, the translation improves a lot after book 1. The bad news is, the editing gets much, much worse. I mean, I seriously wonder if anyone even bothered to reread book 3 before it was released. Or maybe itâs just that my editing standards are unreasonably high. Who cares about extra spaces between words, anyway? Iâm probably the only one who finds reading
â˝ And the moral of this I Intended to Cut the Crap Drastically in this Review but Guess What I Didnât Ha Crappy Non Review (IItCtCDitRbGWIDHCNRâ˘) is: I rated all three instalments in this trilogy 4 stars. Despite the not-so-convincing translation and slightly disastrous editing. Get it? Good.
⢠Book 1: Shadow Prowler â â â â
⢠Book 2: Shadow Chaser â â â â
[Pre-review nonsense]
Mr Pehov. Alexey Dear. Far be it from me to threaten you or anything so vulgar, but if you don't write a Kli-Kli spinoff, I'm unleashing the murderous crustaceans on you. No need to fret, though. I mean, coming up with new adventures for Kli-Kli shouldn't be too hard for you. The Tiny Carrot Addict is, after all, Prime Goblin Material (PGMâ˘) and stuff.
Yep, that's my Kli-Kli right there, the Mostest Awesomest Goblin That Ever Was And Ever Will Be (MAGTEWAEWBâ˘)! So much scrumptiousness shouldn't be left languishing in a completed trilogy, if you ask me. Ergo, Alexey Dear, you owe it to the little green bed bug to dedicate a book to him. A trilogy would work, too. And so would a 10+ book series.
Oh, and by the way, it's not like I shamelessly threatened you with
â˝ Full Super Extra Crappy Non Review (SECNRâ˘) to come.