A review by pajge
My Autobiography of Carson McCullers: A Memoir by Jenn Shapland

5.0

 

woah. this’ll be a long review

i have an incessant need for lesbian literature. i read and research so much of it for many personal reasons, and in all my obscure finds, all my google searches, i have never, ever seen carson mentioned as a lesbian writer or anything, not even a nod to ‘the member of the wedding’, which sounds incredibly queer coded--is code even the right term? it sounds like it’s just there. anyhow, i haven’t read it, i never read carson because i just didn’t know. i found this particular book while sleepily scrolling the new yorker one night. i’m so grateful for that. it’s about the author coming into her own with her discovery of carson’s identity, an identity that’s been intentionally scrubbed and obscured in other biographies. it approaches the ‘reveal’ of what was always there in plain sight, unacknowledged by other biographers, with tactful and careful prose. jenn shapland also hits on the nuances of her undeniable self serving quest to prove carson’s identity in beginning to realise and actualize her own. her anecdotes on discovering herself were just as delightful as those on carson.

carson and mary literally sent each other emily dickinson poems. like, it’s all right there and i can’t imagine how infuriating it must’ve been to research all this and have all these claims made in contradiction to the plain evidence! why aren’t carson and mary regarded as emily and sue, or vita and virginia?

there’s one part i really liked on shapland telling people she was working on this: “But when the person does know Carson’s work, they reply to my mention of her name with a look, a sort of swoon. Isn’t she wonderful? I am never sure how to answer this; yes, I am writing a book about her? I love her, they say, as if this is possible. As I grew closer to Carson through research, it became more and more obvious that I was not alone in my sense of possession, of being possessed.”

Those who saw me reading this, who had read carson, it was that same exact reaction. now i sit alone on my porch having just finished this in the sunlight. feeling so many feelings. appreciation for one. gratitude. love. just read this, read this and tell everyone about it