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A review by thehancam
The Octunnumi Fosbit Files Prologue by Trevor Alan Foris
2.0
I really wanted to love this book; I think the concept for the book and the fantasy world were interesting, but the poor writing kept pulling me out of the story so I was never fully immersed. Maybe I’m being a bit too high-brow, but I made a list of things that bugged me with the writing—
The dialogue is unbelievable, and almost remarkably so
An example of an actual conversation from the book—
Beyond being annoying, the dialogue was also frustratingly unbelievable in that one character would explain everything. EVERYTHING. And solely for the reader’s benefit; other characters in the scenes were already aware of these things, but this character would go on a 3-page, multi-paragraph, uninterrupted explanation of some of the most basic elements of this world. It reminds me of when my English teachers used to hound me to “show, not tell.” This is not showing; this is telling. People don't talk like that, and what a boring way to learn about a fantasy world.
Lack of dynamic female characters, and gross descriptions of women
I’ll let this one speak for itself—
The author then described this character walking as —
The dialogue is unbelievable, and almost remarkably so
An example of an actual conversation from the book—
"Sorry about that, old chap”
“You could have killed us”
“Nonsense, old chap”
“You blew up the house”
“Necessary, old chap, necessary”
Beyond being annoying, the dialogue was also frustratingly unbelievable in that one character would explain everything. EVERYTHING. And solely for the reader’s benefit; other characters in the scenes were already aware of these things, but this character would go on a 3-page, multi-paragraph, uninterrupted explanation of some of the most basic elements of this world. It reminds me of when my English teachers used to hound me to “show, not tell.” This is not showing; this is telling. People don't talk like that, and what a boring way to learn about a fantasy world.
Lack of dynamic female characters, and gross descriptions of women
I’ll let this one speak for itself—
He’s not sure if she is wearing a short skirt or a wide belt, but he is quite sure her top was meant for a child. One with a flat chest; a chest that did not bounce with each step.
The author then described this character walking as —
Jiggling her way around the room.