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A review by villyidol
Barbarian by Juno Wells, Kim Fox
3.0
Kind of an anniversary read. Last April my love for mint chocolate chip ice cream ended abruptly. Thanks, Rod Holder! *shakes fist* But it was also the beginning of some treasured friendships. Like most friendships these days, it started with a genitally tentacled alien in need of some water. Or maybe that's just me. Anyways, all of us were already set on this path some time before. And I thought now would be a good time to briefly return to the blue side.
What is this blue side? you might ask. Well, it's pretty straightforward, actually. Just your regular romance plot, but with some especially colorful protagonists.
Okay, so this seems to be the way it usually goes: There's a group of female earthlings that gets abducted by some green aliens (for some reason they are always green). Said female earthlings are not too happy about it, and a bit of a tussle ensues. In all that chaos something goes wrong with the spaceship and the whole party has to land on some coveniently positioned planet, where, however, they face some rather unwelcoming circumstances. In this case here it's dinosaurs (yay!). But that foreign world is also inhabited by very gentle blue aliens (for some reason they are always blue) whose tribes happen to be short on females (of course). One of the earthlings and one of the aliens respectively get separated from the rest of their kind, and slowly (or actually rather quickly) they get pretty close with each other. But, as is often the case when you meet some alien friend for the first time, there's the problem of communication at first.
Yep, French is really pretty hard. Shortly after that point in the story other things get pretty hard as well, and also astonishingly big. An extended period of la copulation follows.
The blue ones might not speak English (or French) very well, but they still are extraordinarily gifted with their tongues. Add to that some quite unearthly sized and/or shaped appendages, and it will surely lead to several climaxes in the story. Now would be the point where mint chocolate chip ice cream might come into play. But here it does not. And anyway, for me that ship has sailed. Thanks, Rod Holder! *shakes fist*
Where was I? Ah, right, because of the female shortage on his planet the blue guy would love nothing more than to impregnate his precious earthling with his precious (and potentially very tasty) seed. This now, this is where the relationship might come to be seriously tested. But then again, they know each other for days already, so usually it is smooth sailing.
Obviously, now the blue guy wants to introduce his mate to his tribe. But remember, no females there. So of course this leads to a bit of a scramble. But, big surprise, here in this particular book it doesn't happen at all for the reasons I thought it would. In fact, Turic's tribe finds Avery not very desirable. And they are also kinda rude in expressing their distaste for her. But Turic, ever the gentleman, vigorously defends her pride.
D'aww! Such a sweetheart. But, yeah, Avery is right. This review also contains a little too much information already. So, nothing more about the story.
This book was funnier than [b: Ice Planet Barbarians|25128811|Ice Planet Barbarians (Ice Planet Barbarians, #1)|Ruby Dixon|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1551411246l/25128811._SX50_.jpg|44825213], but not necessarily better. During my first visit to the blue side I saw two characters that made for a pretty sweet couple. In spite of one of them having fangs, and horns, and a tail. But do some minor anatomical differences like these really matter that much? True love comes on the inside, right?! Turic, by the way, is much more human-like. What he has in common with Vektal is his blue skin, huge cock, and skilled tongue. But I liked Vektal and Georgie better together. They also had more of the nookie, which is pretty important for a book like this. This here of course has dinosaurs and quite some humorous bits. Though if you want to read something funny, that also has some human/alien, er, relations in it, I would still recommend Rod Holder’s [b: Water For Alien Were-Dinos|26220671|Water for Alien Were-Dinos (or E.T., The Extra Tentacle)|Rod Holder|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1441849628l/26220671._SY75_.jpg|46203505]. Unless you love mint chocolate chip ice cream and would really much rather have it stay that way.
What is this blue side? you might ask. Well, it's pretty straightforward, actually. Just your regular romance plot, but with some especially colorful protagonists.
Okay, so this seems to be the way it usually goes: There's a group of female earthlings that gets abducted by some green aliens (for some reason they are always green). Said female earthlings are not too happy about it, and a bit of a tussle ensues. In all that chaos something goes wrong with the spaceship and the whole party has to land on some coveniently positioned planet, where, however, they face some rather unwelcoming circumstances. In this case here it's dinosaurs (yay!). But that foreign world is also inhabited by very gentle blue aliens (for some reason they are always blue) whose tribes happen to be short on females (of course). One of the earthlings and one of the aliens respectively get separated from the rest of their kind, and slowly (or actually rather quickly) they get pretty close with each other. But, as is often the case when you meet some alien friend for the first time, there's the problem of communication at first.
He turns and frowns as he looks down at me. "Ratchata hurew?" he says.
"I don’t speak alien," I answer with a frustrated shake of my head. "I speak English and about ten words of French. Bonjour. Avion. Chaises."
He doesn't seem to understand French either. I'm not surprised. French is hard as shit.
Yep, French is really pretty hard. Shortly after that point in the story other things get pretty hard as well, and also astonishingly big. An extended period of la copulation follows.
The blue ones might not speak English (or French) very well, but they still are extraordinarily gifted with their tongues. Add to that some quite unearthly sized and/or shaped appendages, and it will surely lead to several climaxes in the story. Now would be the point where mint chocolate chip ice cream might come into play. But here it does not. And anyway, for me that ship has sailed. Thanks, Rod Holder! *shakes fist*
Where was I? Ah, right, because of the female shortage on his planet the blue guy would love nothing more than to impregnate his precious earthling with his precious (and potentially very tasty) seed. This now, this is where the relationship might come to be seriously tested. But then again, they know each other for days already, so usually it is smooth sailing.
Obviously, now the blue guy wants to introduce his mate to his tribe. But remember, no females there. So of course this leads to a bit of a scramble. But, big surprise, here in this particular book it doesn't happen at all for the reasons I thought it would. In fact, Turic's tribe finds Avery not very desirable. And they are also kinda rude in expressing their distaste for her. But Turic, ever the gentleman, vigorously defends her pride.
"Avery may not be a Sandroka," Turic says, defending me. "But she is female. She has a culip. A beautiful culip that drips with sweetness and smells like the divine Cheecho herself. Turic drank her sweet nectar all of last night and this morning."
"Jesus, Turic," I whisper. "TMI."
D'aww! Such a sweetheart. But, yeah, Avery is right. This review also contains a little too much information already. So, nothing more about the story.
This book was funnier than [b: Ice Planet Barbarians|25128811|Ice Planet Barbarians (Ice Planet Barbarians, #1)|Ruby Dixon|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1551411246l/25128811._SX50_.jpg|44825213], but not necessarily better. During my first visit to the blue side I saw two characters that made for a pretty sweet couple. In spite of one of them having fangs, and horns, and a tail. But do some minor anatomical differences like these really matter that much? True love comes on the inside, right?! Turic, by the way, is much more human-like. What he has in common with Vektal is his blue skin, huge cock, and skilled tongue. But I liked Vektal and Georgie better together. They also had more of the nookie, which is pretty important for a book like this. This here of course has dinosaurs and quite some humorous bits. Though if you want to read something funny, that also has some human/alien, er, relations in it, I would still recommend Rod Holder’s [b: Water For Alien Were-Dinos|26220671|Water for Alien Were-Dinos (or E.T., The Extra Tentacle)|Rod Holder|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1441849628l/26220671._SY75_.jpg|46203505]. Unless you love mint chocolate chip ice cream and would really much rather have it stay that way.