A review by isabellarobinson7
The Iliad by Homer
Rating: ?? stars
No I have never read the Iliad. Well, I’ve never read the Iliad in full, I have grabbed little snippets of it for papers in the past but have never actually read it cover to cover. But it is safe to say that the Trojan War is a rather large gap in my Greek mythological knowledge. (Probably because everyone dies at the end of it and so don't turn up in any other stories.) So after my interest was peaked by reading Lisa Peterson and Denis O'Hare’s An Iliad in May of this year (yes, I read An Iliad before I read the Iliad. Don't ask for my reasoning because I have none) I finally picked it up. I can't rate this thing because it's the frickin Iliad so I will just say some things instead.
First thing I will say is that I figured out a way to solve the Trojan War: Zygons and video games (it's super simple, I don't know why no one thought of it). Just make a Zygon turn into Helen, then Aphrodite can give “Helen” to Paris, and Menelaus can keep normal Helen. But then we have the problem of Agamemnon who just wants to fight stuff, so we can give him Call of Duty or something and that will occupy him. The end. Everyone is happy.
Now I will show you the little "dramatis personae" I had in my head while reading this. I wrote it down as I was getting through it so it is pretty much exactly how all the characters were in my head, so, enjoy:
Dramatis Personae
Greeks:
- Achilles: ankle guy; he zoom
- Ajax: super strong fighting dude; maker of bathroom cleaning products; probably says bro a lot
- Patrocolas: Achilles BFF; dies because he can't fight good
- Menelaus: gets his wife stolen and has a tantrum
- Agamemnon: brother of Menelaus; will attack in any direction you point him
- Helen: pretty lady everyone goes crazy over
Trojans:
- Hector: prince dude; big general guy; dies and gets dragged around the city for a bit
- Paris: less important prince dude; wife stealer
- Priam: king dude; doesn't really do much but cry for dead son
- Cassandra: spooky future lady; everyone thinks she's lying
Ok that's it. Review done.
No I have never read the Iliad. Well, I’ve never read the Iliad in full, I have grabbed little snippets of it for papers in the past but have never actually read it cover to cover. But it is safe to say that the Trojan War is a rather large gap in my Greek mythological knowledge. (Probably because everyone dies at the end of it and so don't turn up in any other stories.) So after my interest was peaked by reading Lisa Peterson and Denis O'Hare’s An Iliad in May of this year (yes, I read An Iliad before I read the Iliad. Don't ask for my reasoning because I have none) I finally picked it up. I can't rate this thing because it's the frickin Iliad so I will just say some things instead.
First thing I will say is that I figured out a way to solve the Trojan War: Zygons and video games (it's super simple, I don't know why no one thought of it). Just make a Zygon turn into Helen, then Aphrodite can give “Helen” to Paris, and Menelaus can keep normal Helen. But then we have the problem of Agamemnon who just wants to fight stuff, so we can give him Call of Duty or something and that will occupy him. The end. Everyone is happy.
Now I will show you the little "dramatis personae" I had in my head while reading this. I wrote it down as I was getting through it so it is pretty much exactly how all the characters were in my head, so, enjoy:
Dramatis Personae
Greeks:
- Achilles: ankle guy; he zoom
- Ajax: super strong fighting dude; maker of bathroom cleaning products; probably says bro a lot
- Patrocolas: Achilles BFF; dies because he can't fight good
- Menelaus: gets his wife stolen and has a tantrum
- Agamemnon: brother of Menelaus; will attack in any direction you point him
- Helen: pretty lady everyone goes crazy over
Trojans:
- Hector: prince dude; big general guy; dies and gets dragged around the city for a bit
- Paris: less important prince dude; wife stealer
- Priam: king dude; doesn't really do much but cry for dead son
- Cassandra: spooky future lady; everyone thinks she's lying
Ok that's it. Review done.