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A review by entirelybonkerz
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling
4.0
The first half of this book was a drag. It was hard to get through, I was annoyed to no end over how whiny and teenagy Harry was. I understand that Rowling decided to write a book with this level of frustration because the ministry is supposed to represent government structures. Ignorant people who refuse to listen and make your life harder instead of protecting you when they're supposed to.
I get it.
In general this book had an awful, slow, annoying start. With some small highlights like Harry's first kiss, Kreacher (bro I love that hateful grumpy elf lmao - sorry not sorry), Harry's first breakup, Dumbledore's Army and a few funny scenes. It was a long, exhausting book, with some lovely bits sprinkled in between. That is why this is my first four star review for this series.
I also think Sirius' death would have made me more emotional if it hadn't been so sudden. The subtlety of it all made it impossible for me to actually absorb it and it wasn't as impactful as Cedric's for example.
Harry's reaction to his death on the other hand, later on - while locked in a room with Dumbledore - broke my heart. So yeah, a hard book to get through that had it's wonderful and strong moments. AND Fuck Umbridge! BUT I hear she was apparently SA'ed by a bunch of centaurs in the woods towards the end?????? SO I GUESS someone did Fuck Umbridge (question mark?) LMAO.
Did anyone catch that? I almost didn't but now it makes total sense. lol This series is definitely more grown up and dark now, so I am totally ok with the ambiguity of what happened to her. Many fantasy books have dark scenes like that, it's not uncommon, even if it's left unsaid, I think it was a cathartic ending for her character development. Someone doing physical things to her against her will, like she did to most kids at the school. Dark? Oh yeah. But, whatever. Evil villains get evil endings.
But this is all I have to say about the book's plot.
Because this review will be a Snape ESSAY and if you disagree I might not be kind when I tell you how fucking wrong you are.
YALL ARE A BUNCH OF WHINY BABIES AND SNAPE WAS NEVER THAT BAD.
You are just so attached to the hatred you had for him as a child, since you read these books probably between the ages of 6-12, that you don't allow yourself to see him in any other way. Also, let's face it, what were your interpretation skills back then? To read between the lines? To look at all layers of a complex adult character? None. So I am not blaming you here.
BUT! He was never as bad as Voldemort. He was never as bad as Umbridge. Man, he is not even as bad and as hateful as Argus Filch. I hate Filch a lot more than I hate Snape and YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. I DON'T CARE. Fucking Kreacher is more hateful than Snape.
JK Rowling was very clear about Snape on interviews where she said, and I quote: "Snape can be bitter, spiteful and a bully, but he is also immensely brave and capable of love."
AREN'T WE ALL!!!!! People are so terrified of looking in the mirror and reading this series as an adult, Yeah yeah. He made some serious mistakes. Yeah yeah, he was an adult bullying children, bla bla bla bla. (get a helmet bro, life's tough)
Because if you ACTUALLY READ THIS SERIES WITH BRAIN WAVES ON (from the information I have gathered so far...)
SNAPE IS A MEMBER OF THE ORDER. He is on their side. He has been playing the part of a villain for years so he wouldn't ruin his cover. So he can be the spy Dumbledore wants him to be. He still carries the mark of the dark lord but was willing to save Sirius as soon as he heard he was captured. A guy who bullied him his entire life, along with his dear lovely *SPITS* JAMES POTTER *SPITS SOME MORE*. He begged Goyle to loose his grip on Neville's throat. He has done so much for the school.
Is he a pathetic whiny loser? Yes. Is he the worst person in this series? NO!!!!!!!!! He is fucking not. YALL ARE SMOKING THE CLEANEST WEED OUT THERE IF YOU THINK HE IS.
Just because I am pointing out his duality, just because I am making it clear to you that he is way too complexed to just be defined as a children's bully, does not mean I am erasing bad things he has done. But I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF GETTING BLACK AND WHITE opinions from people who are incapable of admitting that he is NOT A MONSTER. You're either incapable of admitting that or you're just so so so fucking at bad interpreting the books.
Yeah, he made fun of people. Yeah, he was mentally cruel to some. You don't have to love him, he's not a hero. But he is also NOT THE VILLAIN of this story.
And that is NOT MY OPINION, THAT WAS WRITTEN in the book.
I personally think he can be redeemed. If you disagree, knowing that he dies at the end (yes, people spoiled me on purpose on instagram because they're jelly bitches that I am reading this for the first time AND have better interpretation skills than their 10yo self)
then we can talk about the difference between redemption and paying penance. I don't think he intentionally caused as much harm as Dolores or Voldemort. He's just a character with lots of layers who had TONS of bits and pieces of compassion and love written within his mistakes (which as people we all do)
Anyways, I am going to die on this hill. Because I have seen people on the booktok, bookstagram community forgive MUCH WORSE things in dark romances just because they are fucking horny and imagine themselves fucking every character who murders an entire village. So I will NOT HAVE Snape slander and hypocrisy.
Was James Potter a dick? Yeah, he nearly tortured Snape. Does that make him the worst character alive? No. Was Snape a dick? Yeah, he really was just pathetic. Does that make him the worst character alive? No. He's actually a pretty fucking cool, layered, intense, HUMAN, character and possibly one of the best written characters in fantasy history.
SO DEAL WITH IT
I am so fucking tired of yall making excuses for the villains you want to FUCK and coming for me for MERELY POINTING OUT that Snape is not a Villain. Even Dumbledore is a dark, shady fucking character, who puts children in danger on purpose, but you don't love him any less. SO GROW UP AND Go eat some soap
