A review by casskrug
Splinters: A Memoir by Leslie Jamison

5.0

this just ticked all the boxes of what i love in a book - marriage, mother-daughter relationships from both perspectives, writing and art, grappling with the self, and starting over. leslie jamison is exploring the dissolution of her marriage to a fellow writer, being a single parent to her daughter and balancing that with her work - teaching, writing, book tours and speaking engagements that she needs to travel for, taking her daughter along for the journey. she was lucky to have assistance from her mom on these trips, but it really does make you wonder how she was able to manage. 

leslie reflects on her parent’s relationship, especially after their divorce, when they developed an unconventional friendship - leslie’s mother even officiated her father’s subsequent wedding. this is very much in contrast with leslie and her ex after they split up and are not on speaking terms with each other. leslie and her mother were incredibly close after her father left, and you can see how leslie is almost projecting that closeness onto her relationship with her own daughter. she wants them to have the same relationship that she has with her mother, and her mother’s presence in the home after the birth of her daughter results in this triptych of maternal bonding that ultimately pushes leslie’s husband away. (how many times can i use the words “mother” and “daughter” in this review?) 

i do think that she was really fair to her ex-husband in this book - you can see that she's grappling with feeling guilty about the hurt that she caused him, she's not blaming him for everything. she’s trying to reconcile her share of the blame with the reasons why she needed to leave the relationship, but she doesn’t disparage him when discussing those reasons. 

i saw a review that was a bit frustrated with leslie getting back on the dating scene and falling into some of the unhealthy patterns that clouded her past relationships, but i think that's just life for you. i understand wanting to see growth and see her do better, but people trip up sometimes, they don’t suddenly become perfect people with perfect relationships. even though it’s a journey of ups and downs, she does make an effort to break out of her behavioral patterns and not repeat the same mistakes. 

if you’re interested in this book but not ready to take the plunge, i would check out her new yorker essay. it is basically this book distilled into an essay, and if you enjoy it, you will love the book!

new yorker essay:  https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/01/22/the-birth-of-my-daughter-the-death-of-my-marriage