A review by sharonleavy
Brutally Honest by Melanie Brown, Melanie B., Louise Gannon
4.0
Mel B, Scary Spice, Loud Mouthed, Confident, In Charge, Girl Power - she comes across as untouchable, the epitome of a strong, powerful woman. So she would never be controlled or manipulated by a man, right? Wrong.
This memoir is a harrowing look at years of living in an abusive relationship - hiding in secrecy, in shame, in pain. Plastering on a brave face in public and cracking up behind closed doors. Mel is incredibly open and honest about how she coped - alcohol, drugs, sex. She bravely documents how she came to the point where she appeared on live Saturday Night TV covered in bruises - sending a very clear message to her husband at the time.
This is uncomfortable to read, for a few reasons. One is that someone very close to me had a similar experience with gaslighting and it's very painful to imagine how she was feeling. Secondly, this is so intimate and I feel like I don't have the right to know this much about someone - but, I can see how it would be both cathartic for Mel to say it all out loud and also helpful for other women going through the same. This isn't in chronological order, it jumps all over the place - a result, as Mel says, of her ADHD. She thinks of one story and goes off on a tangent to another - but it all comes together in the end. I respect her hugely for taking herself out of the relationship and seeking help, and I hope she is much happier now. I also thought it was incredibly courageous to include a chapter from her eldest daughter, Phoenix, about how the relationship affected her.
At the back of the book, Mel has included a list that a friend of hers gave her. She says she wants people to share it, so I'm including it here:
15 Signs of Domestic Abuse:
1. Tells you that you can never do anything right.
2. Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away.
3. Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members.
4. Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs.
5. Controls every penny spent in the household.
6. Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses.
7. Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you.
8. Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do.
9. Prevents you from making your own decisions.
10. Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children.
11. Prevents you from working or attending school.
12. Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets.
13. Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons.
14. Pressures you to have sex when you don't want to or do things sexually you're not comfortabe with.
15. Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol.
If you recognise anything on that list, please don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't go through it on your own, you deserve better.
This memoir is a harrowing look at years of living in an abusive relationship - hiding in secrecy, in shame, in pain. Plastering on a brave face in public and cracking up behind closed doors. Mel is incredibly open and honest about how she coped - alcohol, drugs, sex. She bravely documents how she came to the point where she appeared on live Saturday Night TV covered in bruises - sending a very clear message to her husband at the time.
This is uncomfortable to read, for a few reasons. One is that someone very close to me had a similar experience with gaslighting and it's very painful to imagine how she was feeling. Secondly, this is so intimate and I feel like I don't have the right to know this much about someone - but, I can see how it would be both cathartic for Mel to say it all out loud and also helpful for other women going through the same. This isn't in chronological order, it jumps all over the place - a result, as Mel says, of her ADHD. She thinks of one story and goes off on a tangent to another - but it all comes together in the end. I respect her hugely for taking herself out of the relationship and seeking help, and I hope she is much happier now. I also thought it was incredibly courageous to include a chapter from her eldest daughter, Phoenix, about how the relationship affected her.
At the back of the book, Mel has included a list that a friend of hers gave her. She says she wants people to share it, so I'm including it here:
15 Signs of Domestic Abuse:
1. Tells you that you can never do anything right.
2. Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away.
3. Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members.
4. Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs.
5. Controls every penny spent in the household.
6. Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses.
7. Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you.
8. Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do.
9. Prevents you from making your own decisions.
10. Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children.
11. Prevents you from working or attending school.
12. Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets.
13. Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons.
14. Pressures you to have sex when you don't want to or do things sexually you're not comfortabe with.
15. Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol.
If you recognise anything on that list, please don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't go through it on your own, you deserve better.