A review by thebookdog
When I Hit You by Meena Kandasamy

challenging dark hopeful inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

 
TW: Mentions of gender-based violence, and sexual harassment.

Quite strangely, I read Meena Kandasamy’s ‘When I Hit You’ on the day when I read a string of comments on Facebook, posted by a man, mentioning that domestic violence is a personal thing. What happens between two partners shouldn’t pique anybody’s curiosity, he wrote.

I read the book on the day when I watched the interview of a politician dismissing Chinmayi’s, and more than 10 women’s accusation against lyricist Vairamuthu. The politician, who is a lawyer, demanded evidences, and chose to believe what the lyricist calls a political conspiracy schemed against him.

I read the book on the day when I saw a woman make plans to move out of the house where she is abused by her husband. While discussing her situation, I heard a question that someone quietly released — “Are there any bruises on her face? Are those visible?”

I read the book, and thought of a man, who wrote in his review that he wasn’t sure of the authenticity of Kandasamy’s story because the husband hadn’t spoken. He wondered, without flinching, without questioning his misogyny, if Kandasamy’s narrator was a liar. He made that remark despite knowing that the book is an auto-fiction.

I read the book, and thought of a woman who breached my boundaries over and over again, thinking that she needed to save me from what she thought was an abusive relationship. She made me realise that many friends, despite their good intention, don’t respect women’s agency. They want to be heroes in someone else’s story.

Like Kandasamy mentions in her book, the questions are always directed toward the survivors. And then they are blamed for many things — for screaming too much, for not screaming enough, for staying, for leaving, for enabling, for enduring, for ‘provoking’, for submitting, and for everything. Like Kandasamy’s protagonist they are nameless, and they suffer in silence.