Scan barcode
A review by sadiereadsagain
Before My Actual Heart Breaks by Tish Delaney
5.0
It has struck me in recent years that, despite growing up in the 80's and 90's near London with bomb threats being not uncommon on our trips into the city, I am fairly ignorant about the Troubles in Ireland. It was watching Derry Girls that really hammered that home - seeing the nostalgia of my very similar younger years and the pant-pissingly funny comedy of the characters sharply juxtaposed with the presence of armed soldiers and road blocks. And so I've started to seek out books set during the Troubles.
That was what first drew me to this book. That, and the fact that this sounded like the story of a woman entering her mid-life and realising that life had not gone as she'd hoped it would when she was a teenager. I'm pulled to that sort of story too.
But this book isn't just about the Troubles. And it isn't just about reflecting on your life as you start a new chapter. The layers to this book are rich. We meet Mary as a teenager, with a cold and abusive home life thanks to a mother whose only real concern is to be seen as the most pious of them all. Navigating segregation and military occupation for the chance to snog her boyfriend at the bus stop, Mary dreams of flying away. But when she finds herself pregnant and unmarried, Mary's dreams come crashing down with a bump. Forced by her mother, the judgement of society and the crushing religious control of the time, she finds herself on a very different path. Over the next twenty five years, Mary settles with her lot, but has she missed the chance to live the life she really wants?
This book touched me deeply. I hardly ever cry at books, yet I can't count the number of times this one moved me to tears. Maybe I relate to Mary on a very raw level, or maybe I just deeply felt for the loss of her dreams, of the girl she was, and how different things could have been even in the life she found herself living. I really felt that sense of the passage of time and how it can't be snatched back, and it was like an ache. This book really delves in to the damage that can be caused when someone is made to feel small, how they can be caged in by their lack of self worth and put up walls to protect themselves from the possibility of rejection. How the negativity inside our heads can blinker us to the opportunities that lie right at our feet.
I loved Mary - although at times it was easy to want to shake her out of her self pity, I could also see that she was broken and unable to build herself back up. In fact, most of the women in this book were fabulously written, even Mary's monster of a mother. The sense of place in this book is incredibly strong too, I really felt as if I was sitting with the family in their little kitchen. But really, it was that Delaney was able to get to those core human emotions - even for the stoic, silent characters of John and Mary's father - that really did it for me.
This book truly is heart breaking, but in the most beautiful way.
I was sent a NetGalley of this title from Bloomsbury UK in return for a review. All opinions are my own.
That was what first drew me to this book. That, and the fact that this sounded like the story of a woman entering her mid-life and realising that life had not gone as she'd hoped it would when she was a teenager. I'm pulled to that sort of story too.
But this book isn't just about the Troubles. And it isn't just about reflecting on your life as you start a new chapter. The layers to this book are rich. We meet Mary as a teenager, with a cold and abusive home life thanks to a mother whose only real concern is to be seen as the most pious of them all. Navigating segregation and military occupation for the chance to snog her boyfriend at the bus stop, Mary dreams of flying away. But when she finds herself pregnant and unmarried, Mary's dreams come crashing down with a bump. Forced by her mother, the judgement of society and the crushing religious control of the time, she finds herself on a very different path. Over the next twenty five years, Mary settles with her lot, but has she missed the chance to live the life she really wants?
This book touched me deeply. I hardly ever cry at books, yet I can't count the number of times this one moved me to tears. Maybe I relate to Mary on a very raw level, or maybe I just deeply felt for the loss of her dreams, of the girl she was, and how different things could have been even in the life she found herself living. I really felt that sense of the passage of time and how it can't be snatched back, and it was like an ache. This book really delves in to the damage that can be caused when someone is made to feel small, how they can be caged in by their lack of self worth and put up walls to protect themselves from the possibility of rejection. How the negativity inside our heads can blinker us to the opportunities that lie right at our feet.
I loved Mary - although at times it was easy to want to shake her out of her self pity, I could also see that she was broken and unable to build herself back up. In fact, most of the women in this book were fabulously written, even Mary's monster of a mother. The sense of place in this book is incredibly strong too, I really felt as if I was sitting with the family in their little kitchen. But really, it was that Delaney was able to get to those core human emotions - even for the stoic, silent characters of John and Mary's father - that really did it for me.
This book truly is heart breaking, but in the most beautiful way.
I was sent a NetGalley of this title from Bloomsbury UK in return for a review. All opinions are my own.