A review by xymosfraoula
Tell Me I'm Worthless by Alison Rumfitt
5.0
I fucking LOVE horror I fucking LOVEEEE symbolism and themes and characters and writing you can sink your teeth into and then 4 days later die from gut inflammation related trauma. So good. Under the spoilers cut is just an excerpt from a notes app rant, it's far from a full analysis. In all seriousness, this is a masterclass in horror writing, but please heed the trigger warnings before going into it.
Fascism as something adjacent to TERF ideology as something adjacent to the political foundation of Britain as an empire and England as (now) a country, as the House's sweeping all-destructive force of absolute evil, and how the 2 protagonists interact with it WITHIN it is endlessly interesting to me. And the way Rumfitt talks about this!!! In the very beginning of the book!!! About how a nazi forum does not make you a nazi - you were already a nazi when you logged in the forum.
This is a better take on the lukewarmish Julia Shaw idea of "you could become a nazi even if you didnt think you ever would!!! Criminals are humans too, so be careful when you condemn them!!" By sort of exploring how quickly one can be radicalized. Rumfitt doesn't empathize with the TERFS and the fascists and the nazis by saying everyone can fall down that rabbit hole, but her attention instead shifts and rests on how easily and RAPIDLY corruptive and destructive of a force it is - Alice, Ila and Hannah were inseparable before interacting w it. Of course. But hurtful ideology was in them before they could ever have a say in it. Of course. Alice and Ila both say "they would never" have done what they did, and they wouldn't without the House's influence - of course - its not about How Fascism can find its way in, plausibly, but about that It Can find its way in, and how non-action is action and how trauma response can be exploited by the bigoted and the hateful. Of course. It shows how even someone like Ila (brown, Jewish, lesbian, ESPECIALLY someone whose relationship womanhood felt strained and misplaced and was not taken seriously because she is not white English, side by side with Alice's struggle with womanhood and in general how both the protagonists struggle and cope with gender. INSANE.) can subscribe to truly nazi TERF ideology, and how Alice can choose to keep the poster up on her wall, because she can survive hauntings that others would not. If she stays still, lays her own personal protection spellls in place and crosses out his eyes, he and his actions cannot hurt her - but he's real, and his attention will shift to someone you love because they don't have the opportunity and privilege to stay still and protected. Of course.
On top of all that, it's so well written that when I finished Part 2 and Part 3 I had to Really try and keep myself from crying and/or vomming. Part 3 is such a beautiful piece of spoken word poetry that tears thru you, it makes the gore and the horror feel natural.
Other things that make me insane include: Part 3 as a whole I fucking LOVED, the whole 3 years of friendship followed by 3 years of silence before Alice and Ila met again (Alison the ouroboros sucking its own clit didn't go by unnoticed), the parallels between the protagonists storylines, the scene where the LED lights shift and stay at red was cool as shit to me as a horror scene, the house the house THE FUCKING HOUSE AS A SETTING!! OH MY GOD, the perfect cyclical heros journey of it all and the final rebirth that involves the literal gutting of the two protagonists, FUCKED. The only way through IS within, motherfucker, but being delicate and acquiescent will kill you, or even worse will turn you into something bleached and cut and vivisected and broken that believes it is better off consumed. In a way that perhaps misses the point of this book massively I wish I could let Alison Rumfitt hunt me for sport but in like a cute and sexy way. I think it would fix me.
Wooooohh anyway! Alison fucking Rumfitt. I'm seeing her live soon and I can't wait.
Spoiler
Fascism as something adjacent to TERF ideology as something adjacent to the political foundation of Britain as an empire and England as (now) a country, as the House's sweeping all-destructive force of absolute evil, and how the 2 protagonists interact with it WITHIN it is endlessly interesting to me. And the way Rumfitt talks about this!!! In the very beginning of the book!!! About how a nazi forum does not make you a nazi - you were already a nazi when you logged in the forum.
This is a better take on the lukewarmish Julia Shaw idea of "you could become a nazi even if you didnt think you ever would!!! Criminals are humans too, so be careful when you condemn them!!" By sort of exploring how quickly one can be radicalized. Rumfitt doesn't empathize with the TERFS and the fascists and the nazis by saying everyone can fall down that rabbit hole, but her attention instead shifts and rests on how easily and RAPIDLY corruptive and destructive of a force it is - Alice, Ila and Hannah were inseparable before interacting w it. Of course. But hurtful ideology was in them before they could ever have a say in it. Of course. Alice and Ila both say "they would never" have done what they did, and they wouldn't without the House's influence - of course - its not about How Fascism can find its way in, plausibly, but about that It Can find its way in, and how non-action is action and how trauma response can be exploited by the bigoted and the hateful. Of course. It shows how even someone like Ila (brown, Jewish, lesbian, ESPECIALLY someone whose relationship womanhood felt strained and misplaced and was not taken seriously because she is not white English, side by side with Alice's struggle with womanhood and in general how both the protagonists struggle and cope with gender. INSANE.) can subscribe to truly nazi TERF ideology, and how Alice can choose to keep the poster up on her wall, because she can survive hauntings that others would not. If she stays still, lays her own personal protection spellls in place and crosses out his eyes, he and his actions cannot hurt her - but he's real, and his attention will shift to someone you love because they don't have the opportunity and privilege to stay still and protected. Of course.
On top of all that, it's so well written that when I finished Part 2 and Part 3 I had to Really try and keep myself from crying and/or vomming. Part 3 is such a beautiful piece of spoken word poetry that tears thru you, it makes the gore and the horror feel natural.
Other things that make me insane include: Part 3 as a whole I fucking LOVED, the whole 3 years of friendship followed by 3 years of silence before Alice and Ila met again (Alison the ouroboros sucking its own clit didn't go by unnoticed), the parallels between the protagonists storylines, the scene where the LED lights shift and stay at red was cool as shit to me as a horror scene, the house the house THE FUCKING HOUSE AS A SETTING!! OH MY GOD, the perfect cyclical heros journey of it all and the final rebirth that involves the literal gutting of the two protagonists, FUCKED. The only way through IS within, motherfucker, but being delicate and acquiescent will kill you, or even worse will turn you into something bleached and cut and vivisected and broken that believes it is better off consumed. In a way that perhaps misses the point of this book massively I wish I could let Alison Rumfitt hunt me for sport but in like a cute and sexy way. I think it would fix me.
Wooooohh anyway! Alison fucking Rumfitt. I'm seeing her live soon and I can't wait.