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A review by reclusivebookslug
If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo
emotional
hopeful
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
You gotta love a book with a trans main character, written by a trans author, with a trans model on the cover.
This was one of the first books I read about trans people when I was younger, at a time when I didn't hold any animosity toward them but was deeply uninformed on the topic. Looking back now as someone with a better grasp on the queer community, I still enjoy it. In many ways, Amanda's experience is rare, in a way that makes her story more understandable and palatable to those innocently ignorant. I admire how the author addresses this at the end of the book. I think there's some merit to introducing people to a new concept by starting with something they're more familiar with, as long as that image does not invalidate others. At the same time, Amanda is not the platonic ideal of a trans person for a cis audience, either, which balances things out for me. The book discusses her dysphoria, mental health issues, bullying, experience with transphobic hate crime, fear of rejection, and guilt about how her gender has affected her family and for "hiding" her identity from her peers in a new town.
I can't comment on the realism or relatability of the trans issues discussed, except to say that I have heard similar from other trans people, but I will say that the description of mental health issues, in particular suicidal ideation, mirrors my own experiences.
The ending, or lack thereof, is both frustrating and thematically important. It doesn't matter if she gets the guy at the end, that's out of her control. The important thing is that she has learned to accept herself and realize that she deserves love (whether or not that love comes from a specific person being mostly irrelevant). Grant does not get to determine whether or not her story has a happy ending, she does. On the other hand... I was rooting for them to be together and part of me desperately wants a fluffy monologue. The closure we get about her friends sticking by her in part makes up for the lack of romantic closure, and the friendship aspect is in many ways more important for her character.
This was one of the first books I read about trans people when I was younger, at a time when I didn't hold any animosity toward them but was deeply uninformed on the topic. Looking back now as someone with a better grasp on the queer community, I still enjoy it. In many ways, Amanda's experience is rare, in a way that makes her story more understandable and palatable to those innocently ignorant. I admire how the author addresses this at the end of the book. I think there's some merit to introducing people to a new concept by starting with something they're more familiar with, as long as that image does not invalidate others. At the same time, Amanda is not the platonic ideal of a trans person for a cis audience, either, which balances things out for me. The book discusses her dysphoria, mental health issues, bullying, experience with transphobic hate crime, fear of rejection, and guilt about how her gender has affected her family and for "hiding" her identity from her peers in a new town.
I can't comment on the realism or relatability of the trans issues discussed, except to say that I have heard similar from other trans people, but I will say that the description of mental health issues, in particular suicidal ideation, mirrors my own experiences.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Suicide attempt
Minor: Hate crime, Homophobia, and Transphobia