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A review by lisaeirene
When I Ran Away by Ilona Bannister
5.0
Brilliant, gut-wrenching, REAL book. This was an A+ for me. The book had so many layers. It was about grief and tragedy but also largely about motherhood and postpartum depression and anxiety.
The story begins on 9/11. Gigi, covered in debris from the Twin Towers, is on a ferry to Staten Island to her parent's house, runs into "the cute guy" she used to see at the work coffeeshop and they are bonded in the horror of that day. Years later, Gigi is a single mom and runs into Harry again. They begin to date, fall in love, get married and move to London (where he's from).
While the first part of the story is largely about grief, the rest of the story diverts from here and it's about Gigi's postpartum journey. It's so compelling and emotional and I could relate to so much of. She has a very traumatic birth with her son and it's so obvious she has postpartum depression and anxiety but she's not getting any help for it.
She's also suffering from the very normal and real experience of having a newborn: just being exhausted, sleep deprived to the point of almost psychosis, feeling touched out:
"I want them to stop calling for me, clawing at me, walking on me, sitting on me, leaning on me, punching me, throwing things that I have to pick up, crying for me, dropping shit, spilling shit, needing to be carried, wiped, washed, lifted, moved until my muscles feel like they’re coming off my bones, my scar pulsing, breasts heaving, back breaking and then, Harry, you grasping for me, pawing for me in the bed at night, looking for sex and wanting my body too. And how could you, how could anyone, want this body. I can’t explain the anger. How exhaustion and anger are the same feeling. I’m angry about being so tired, and the more tired I get, the more enraged."
The book is brilliant and so real and I think a LOT of mothers can relate to something in this book. "But I was drowning. The waves had taken me under and no one had seen."
I didn't have postpartum depression but I had anxiety and I felt like reading Gigi's story was my story:
"...since we got home a few days ago I’ve started watching him. All night sometimes. I still can’t sleep because it’s chaos behind my eyes and it’s easier…I mean, I’m not so scared if I keep them open. So I watch him through the mesh on the mini crib." The constant vigilance, the inability to sleep because you need to watch the baby and make sure it's breathing. This book was written by a woman that KNOWS.
Five stars, best book I've read in a long time.
The story begins on 9/11. Gigi, covered in debris from the Twin Towers, is on a ferry to Staten Island to her parent's house, runs into "the cute guy" she used to see at the work coffeeshop and they are bonded in the horror of that day. Years later, Gigi is a single mom and runs into Harry again. They begin to date, fall in love, get married and move to London (where he's from).
While the first part of the story is largely about grief, the rest of the story diverts from here and it's about Gigi's postpartum journey. It's so compelling and emotional and I could relate to so much of. She has a very traumatic birth with her son and it's so obvious she has postpartum depression and anxiety but she's not getting any help for it.
She's also suffering from the very normal and real experience of having a newborn: just being exhausted, sleep deprived to the point of almost psychosis, feeling touched out:
"I want them to stop calling for me, clawing at me, walking on me, sitting on me, leaning on me, punching me, throwing things that I have to pick up, crying for me, dropping shit, spilling shit, needing to be carried, wiped, washed, lifted, moved until my muscles feel like they’re coming off my bones, my scar pulsing, breasts heaving, back breaking and then, Harry, you grasping for me, pawing for me in the bed at night, looking for sex and wanting my body too. And how could you, how could anyone, want this body. I can’t explain the anger. How exhaustion and anger are the same feeling. I’m angry about being so tired, and the more tired I get, the more enraged."
The book is brilliant and so real and I think a LOT of mothers can relate to something in this book. "But I was drowning. The waves had taken me under and no one had seen."
I didn't have postpartum depression but I had anxiety and I felt like reading Gigi's story was my story:
"...since we got home a few days ago I’ve started watching him. All night sometimes. I still can’t sleep because it’s chaos behind my eyes and it’s easier…I mean, I’m not so scared if I keep them open. So I watch him through the mesh on the mini crib." The constant vigilance, the inability to sleep because you need to watch the baby and make sure it's breathing. This book was written by a woman that KNOWS.
Five stars, best book I've read in a long time.