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A review by imnotawitchimyourwife
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
5.0
This book should be required reading. It is an incredible resource for anyone in or around an abusive relationship, as well as an educational tool to understand and respond to abusive situations. I recommend it highly if you are in law, ministry, social, medical professions, or honestly any job that works closely with people. Bancroft tackles misconceptions of abuse (or chronic mistreatment of a partner), gives an outline of how it's perpetuated, and explains ways we can do better as a society. Well worth your time, I promise you.
Sidenote: I've seen criticisms from people who say Bancroft too loosely uses the word "abuse" to reference mistreatment, undermining, manipulating, etc, but I think those people don't understand how devastating verbal mistreatment can be if experienced continually. Verbal and emotional manipulation are also much less quick to be noticed as abusive, so it can continue and escalate much longer that straight up physical assault. He does a great job of explaining it, and having been in a verbally toxic and abusive relationship, I believe his somewhat broad definition to be spot on.
Sidenote: I've seen criticisms from people who say Bancroft too loosely uses the word "abuse" to reference mistreatment, undermining, manipulating, etc, but I think those people don't understand how devastating verbal mistreatment can be if experienced continually. Verbal and emotional manipulation are also much less quick to be noticed as abusive, so it can continue and escalate much longer that straight up physical assault. He does a great job of explaining it, and having been in a verbally toxic and abusive relationship, I believe his somewhat broad definition to be spot on.