A review by emleemay
When We Were Friends by Holly Bourne

4.0

"There's no such thing as 'good men' and 'bad men.' They are the same men," she said. "They just treat different women differently based on how they view you."

I told my friend while reading this book that I was thankful I hadn't discovered Holly Bourne as a teenager because I'm pretty sure I would have developed a complex about men and relationships. Well, more so than I already did, being a teenage girl and all.

There are a lot of ugly truths crawling around inside [b:When We Were Friends|60023128|When We Were Friends|Holly Bourne|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1652106511l/60023128._SX50_.jpg|94519985]. Too often it reminded me of my own adolescence and college years-- the female friendships fraught with jealousies, the desperation to be thought attractive, the insecurities and anxiety, the performances we put on so we could have romantic relationships that were dissatisfying anyway.

Bourne has explored teen friendships and romantic relationships before, but where this one differs is that it is actually an adult novel about reevaluating adolescence when you are grown and more removed from the events that unfolded.

It begins when an old friend of Fern's from school, Jessica, turns up out of the blue and attempts to reconnect. Fern hasn't spoken to Jessica ever since a betrayal tore apart their friendship, but they're older now, more mature and with more life experience, so surely things will be different this time. However, the more Jessica slots herself into Fern's life once again, the more Fern finds herself having doubts that people ever really change.

I found Bourne's [b:Pretending|43788851|Pretending|Holly Bourne|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1576007311l/43788851._SY75_.jpg|68128436] especially depressing because it ultimately suggests that what happens to us in those formative teen years defines who we are and shapes the life we go on to have afterwards. This book touches on that again-- even though Fern is now in her thirties, she cannot fully let go of the anxieties and insecurities she had at sixteen.

There are so many aspects to this book that I related to.

For one, finding men on Facebook wearing 'feminist' t-shirts: the very same men who slut-shamed, belittled, cheated on, ghosted and sexually assaulted girls when they were in high school or college. Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of people changing, growing and maturing, but the hypocrisy still stings a bit.

For another, the weird conflict often felt as a teenager between wanting to be a strong, modern feminist and "being jealous of your friend who got assaulted on the dance floor because why didn't he pick you to assault?" What a mess. I applaud any woman who made it through this time without getting completely screwed up.

However long the wait is for Bourne's next book, it will be too long.