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A review by twerkingtobeethoven
The Doors of Stone by Patrick Rothfuss
1.0
August 13th 2022, SHIT'S HITTING THE FAN, WOOOOOOOOO! https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/wdoiq2/in_december_readers_donated_over_700000_to/
So 2022 is just behind the corner and, basically, fuck this guy. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
And, apparently, Rothfuss hasn't been working on book #3 for dogshite. Fuck, I'm laughing. Hard.
Check this shit out! https://www.newsweek.com/kingkiller-chronicle-editor-believes-author-hasnt-written-anything-years-1520812
"I think you are right," Wollheim responded. "I don't think he's written anything for six years."
Also, check out Amazon Germany trolling the neckbeard!
Well, fuck me senseless...you shitting me? I can't believe it.
LULZ
----
HEAR YE! HEAR YE! THERE'S AN UPDATE!
https://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/2018/04/rdd-morty/
«And by “this,” I mean there’s an official Rick and Morty Dungeons & Dragons crossover comic happening. And I’m writing it.»
So, once again, Rothfuss is doing fuck all but finishing book #3. Go figure.
---
"There’s no point writing brilliant books if you lose the support of publishers, the interest of booksellers and the attention of readers."
[ai:Joe Abercrombie|276660|Joe Abercrombie|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1421267339p2/276660.jpg]
https://www.joeabercrombie.com/2017/05/30/progress-report-may-17
According to what I read on fantasy-faction, DOS won't be released in 2015 either. 2016? Me arse. 2017 maybe. At this point, I'm giving up on Rothfuss altogether.
And, since I don't give a poo anymore, I'll just write down the right epilogue to "Doors of Stone" for ya'll to enjoy.
Sorry about the spoilers an'all but, as I stated, I don't give a flying squirrel's chuff anymore.
So here we go.
"DOORS OF STONE" in less than two minutes!
Kvothe goes on a furnication-rampage and proceeds to have sexual intercourses with just about everything walking on two legs. Only he's not exactly Nacho Vidal so, when he eventually ends up between Denna's thighs, go figure, she's not one bit happy with his poor performance and calls him a twat, a limp weenie, a sissy, and a useless fucking bastard cunting yobbo. At that point, Kvothe is forced to come clean and reveals he's made up all the Felurian shite he bragged about in the second book. Denna goes "Oh really? I don't give a shit anyway. Now twat off you fuck... I mean... ah, whatever.", becomes a raging lesbian, and opens her own butch-hotel in Tarbean (The Carpetmunching Unicorn). Kvothe, realizing he's nothing but a worthless pile of vermin ordure, considers suicide but, eventually, changes his mind because he's chickenshit and full of his own shite. So he becomes a waiter, and finds out he actually likes the job as it gives him plenty of time to annoy every bastard customer with his made-up drivel. Only nobody buys his bullcrap for a minute... until, one day, Chronicler shows up and, go figure! Not only does he believe all the epic horse-bartering, he also writes down everything he's fed. The gullible idiot.
The end.
Edit - According to amazon, the book has a release date: August 17th 2017. Oh, 896 pages. Six years and five months after TWMF. I'm not pulling this out of my ar... err... making this up, and it's not April 1st either. See for yourselves: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Untitled-Rothfuss-Kingkiller-Chronicle-Book/dp/0575081449 I know I'll end up buying the book, eventually. I also know it'll be the last book I'll ever read by this author.
Never.
Fucking.
Again.
Period.
Edit #2 - There is no release date. https://youtu.be/dW8efme5eSU <--- Skip to 2:01:05 & 2:03:06 and hear for yourselves. Book 3 is going to come out "later" because of.... wait for it... DONALD TRUMP.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Alright, this bloke is taking the piss out of us; either that or he's fucking delusional. It's not that he's a lazy author doing fuck all but finishing the book, it's the politics of his country keeping him from finishing the bastard. Right, you twats, now you know who's to blame: DONALD FUCKING TRUMP. That's who's behind Patrick Rothfuss's writer's block.
L
M
A
O
Fuck off.
Meanwhile, in Germany...
So 2022 is just behind the corner and, basically, fuck this guy. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
And, apparently, Rothfuss hasn't been working on book #3 for dogshite. Fuck, I'm laughing. Hard.
Check this shit out! https://www.newsweek.com/kingkiller-chronicle-editor-believes-author-hasnt-written-anything-years-1520812
"I think you are right," Wollheim responded. "I don't think he's written anything for six years."
Also, check out Amazon Germany trolling the neckbeard!
Well, fuck me senseless...you shitting me? I can't believe it.
LULZ
----
HEAR YE! HEAR YE! THERE'S AN UPDATE!
https://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/2018/04/rdd-morty/
«And by “this,” I mean there’s an official Rick and Morty Dungeons & Dragons crossover comic happening. And I’m writing it.»
So, once again, Rothfuss is doing fuck all but finishing book #3. Go figure.
---
"There’s no point writing brilliant books if you lose the support of publishers, the interest of booksellers and the attention of readers."
[ai:Joe Abercrombie|276660|Joe Abercrombie|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1421267339p2/276660.jpg]
https://www.joeabercrombie.com/2017/05/30/progress-report-may-17
According to what I read on fantasy-faction, DOS won't be released in 2015 either. 2016? Me arse. 2017 maybe. At this point, I'm giving up on Rothfuss altogether.
And, since I don't give a poo anymore, I'll just write down the right epilogue to "Doors of Stone" for ya'll to enjoy.
Sorry about the spoilers an'all but, as I stated, I don't give a flying squirrel's chuff anymore.
So here we go.
"DOORS OF STONE" in less than two minutes!
Kvothe goes on a furnication-rampage and proceeds to have sexual intercourses with just about everything walking on two legs. Only he's not exactly Nacho Vidal so, when he eventually ends up between Denna's thighs, go figure, she's not one bit happy with his poor performance and calls him a twat, a limp weenie, a sissy, and a useless fucking bastard cunting yobbo. At that point, Kvothe is forced to come clean and reveals he's made up all the Felurian shite he bragged about in the second book. Denna goes "Oh really? I don't give a shit anyway. Now twat off you fuck... I mean... ah, whatever.", becomes a raging lesbian, and opens her own butch-hotel in Tarbean (The Carpetmunching Unicorn). Kvothe, realizing he's nothing but a worthless pile of vermin ordure, considers suicide but, eventually, changes his mind because he's chickenshit and full of his own shite. So he becomes a waiter, and finds out he actually likes the job as it gives him plenty of time to annoy every bastard customer with his made-up drivel. Only nobody buys his bullcrap for a minute... until, one day, Chronicler shows up and, go figure! Not only does he believe all the epic horse-bartering, he also writes down everything he's fed. The gullible idiot.
The end.
Edit - According to amazon, the book has a release date: August 17th 2017. Oh, 896 pages. Six years and five months after TWMF. I'm not pulling this out of my ar... err... making this up, and it's not April 1st either. See for yourselves: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Untitled-Rothfuss-Kingkiller-Chronicle-Book/dp/0575081449 I know I'll end up buying the book, eventually. I also know it'll be the last book I'll ever read by this author.
Never.
Fucking.
Again.
Period.
Edit #2 - There is no release date. https://youtu.be/dW8efme5eSU <--- Skip to 2:01:05 & 2:03:06 and hear for yourselves. Book 3 is going to come out "later" because of.... wait for it... DONALD TRUMP.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Alright, this bloke is taking the piss out of us; either that or he's fucking delusional. It's not that he's a lazy author doing fuck all but finishing the book, it's the politics of his country keeping him from finishing the bastard. Right, you twats, now you know who's to blame: DONALD FUCKING TRUMP. That's who's behind Patrick Rothfuss's writer's block.
L
M
A
O
Fuck off.
Meanwhile, in Germany...