A review by dragonlilly
Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot by Mo Isom
2.0
Like other people, I want to preface that Mo Isom was brave in writing this book as well as voicing the audio for the audiobook. She wrote this story from the heart and filled it with her experience, but while she hoped that her experience would speak to others who may have had slightly different experiences as well, this did not do that. She made good points at times, but then at other moments she either didn't address something at all or didn't go deep enough in her discussion. I have my own story, and she has hers, and while they started off vaguely similarly they veered off into completely different directions about identity and what is right or wrong that I did not fully agree with.
First off, putting virginity on a pedestal is always a bad thing, and I am glad that Isom agrees that it can heighten one's sin of pride in their own 'virginity,' put others down for making mistakes, and can cause people to test how far they can go without fully 'losing' their virginity. All of this can cause people to suffer during their life, either mentally or physically, and we can see how Isom's pride in her virginity during her childhood caused her to have a very bad mental state when it came to her sense of self and eventual guilt that would be created later in life, even during her marriage where sex seemed to be so intertwined with sin. But there should have been a bit more talk on purity culture and its evils, and this is where the insightful discussions seem to stop in the book until the very end.
I came into this book looking forward to learning about the conversations the church forgot, and how much the church needs to change in its approach towards sex and towards its teaching of sex, but that conversation was only present for a few moments at the end. More discussions need to be had about sex and sexuality in schools and churches since, as Isom's story demonstrated, parents either avoid the discussion with their children entirely or they do not say enough during the discussion. Some parents also may not be educated enough to fully discuss these things with their children. Isom only vaguely approached this in her book and it would have been better to hear about what she felt needed to be specifically discussed with children.
I have also been expanding my own personal understanding as a Christian on what I believe. As Christians we have seen how the Bible has changed over time and how Christ has changed the old laws and enforced new ones. I feel that this makes the Bible a living document in a way. It details God's moving and changing relationship with his people, and it changes according to the time. Laws are set according to what is needed at the time. Sex has always been a good and important thing in the Bible, and Isom mentions this. Some people take it too far at times, which can happen with all things in this world. Too much of a good thing can be bad, like how too much of a certain vitamin can be detrimental in your body. Everything has a balance. I personally would only have sex with someone I truly love and want to be with long-term, but not everyone may agree with that opinion. I am also starting to get the feeling that sex before marriage is not really a bad thing at all. It is hard to truly define what marriage is entirely in this present day. You could say marriage is through a priest and a church, but what if you do not have access to that? Is there a type of marriage that is better than another? I thought God is supposed to know our hearts, or I suppose our heart posture (a phrase that for some reason makes me cringe, along with 'one's season in life'). If that is the case, does God accept a couple, unmarried, yet living a practically married life with one another until they die? These are questions we need to start looking into because times are changing. Ways of thinking are changing. Our relationships with God are changing too.
Isom tends to be preachy in this book and sees things only one way, and this disappointed me and sometimes angered me when I read this book. The book is unnecessarily lengthy, yet it doesn't expand on the discussions we should be having. It did not offer forgiveness or kindness to women and couples, and was more prone to blaming women for the slippage of men. At first, she also makes out marriage as solely a thing to avoid sexual immorality, meaning 'now that you're married, you can finally have sex!' which of course seems like marriage for a strange reason. I know what Paul said, but he says that as a last resort. Frankly, I do not think sex before marriage is solely wrong, and I think we should stop demonizing it. God says sex unites people, and it is a beautiful thing that brings people together in an intense and intimate way, and that is of course a wonderful thing. It is a pure thing that does not make one impure, although some people can cruelly abuse it and make it traumatic. But sex between two lovers should not be demonized, as sex as God created it is an expression of love. I think if it fulfills that expression, it is good. That is what the church and Isom should be focusing on, along with all the precautions and making sure people understand concepts of protection and considering whether or not one wants pregnancy of course. I am glad that finally at the very end Isom discusses how wonderful and unifying sex is meant to be and how sinless it can be, but it took a while for her to get to this part, which seems to be the part that this entire book should have been about.
In terms of the sexpectations that Isom describes due to porn or previous intimate actions before marriage, I completely disregard this as a lack of communication. A romantic relationship is forged by communication and openness. It should be fun to discuss sex with your partner, as well as informative. It should be a special moment when you and your partner get to learn more about one another and both of your bodies.
I think times in the church need to change somewhat, and this is coming from a Catholic and loves the traditions held in mass and all the hymns and readings. But, just because I like some traditions and wholeheartedly follow them, doesn't mean I don't think discussions need to be had, or changed need to be made. Both of these things certainly need to occur more often in the present day and we need to talk more about things like this. I appreciate Isom telling her story, and I am sure it resonated with many people, but it was at times disagreeable and it was more accepting of certain elements of Christianity and human ideas when it should have gone against them. I do not hate this book, as it actually further strengthened my own beliefs in what is right, and Isom made some good points at times that did in fact express the beauty of sex, but that is not truly what this book was about, even though I believe Isom wanted it to be.
First off, putting virginity on a pedestal is always a bad thing, and I am glad that Isom agrees that it can heighten one's sin of pride in their own 'virginity,' put others down for making mistakes, and can cause people to test how far they can go without fully 'losing' their virginity. All of this can cause people to suffer during their life, either mentally or physically, and we can see how Isom's pride in her virginity during her childhood caused her to have a very bad mental state when it came to her sense of self and eventual guilt that would be created later in life, even during her marriage where sex seemed to be so intertwined with sin. But there should have been a bit more talk on purity culture and its evils, and this is where the insightful discussions seem to stop in the book until the very end.
I came into this book looking forward to learning about the conversations the church forgot, and how much the church needs to change in its approach towards sex and towards its teaching of sex, but that conversation was only present for a few moments at the end. More discussions need to be had about sex and sexuality in schools and churches since, as Isom's story demonstrated, parents either avoid the discussion with their children entirely or they do not say enough during the discussion. Some parents also may not be educated enough to fully discuss these things with their children. Isom only vaguely approached this in her book and it would have been better to hear about what she felt needed to be specifically discussed with children.
I have also been expanding my own personal understanding as a Christian on what I believe. As Christians we have seen how the Bible has changed over time and how Christ has changed the old laws and enforced new ones. I feel that this makes the Bible a living document in a way. It details God's moving and changing relationship with his people, and it changes according to the time. Laws are set according to what is needed at the time. Sex has always been a good and important thing in the Bible, and Isom mentions this. Some people take it too far at times, which can happen with all things in this world. Too much of a good thing can be bad, like how too much of a certain vitamin can be detrimental in your body. Everything has a balance. I personally would only have sex with someone I truly love and want to be with long-term, but not everyone may agree with that opinion. I am also starting to get the feeling that sex before marriage is not really a bad thing at all. It is hard to truly define what marriage is entirely in this present day. You could say marriage is through a priest and a church, but what if you do not have access to that? Is there a type of marriage that is better than another? I thought God is supposed to know our hearts, or I suppose our heart posture (a phrase that for some reason makes me cringe, along with 'one's season in life'). If that is the case, does God accept a couple, unmarried, yet living a practically married life with one another until they die? These are questions we need to start looking into because times are changing. Ways of thinking are changing. Our relationships with God are changing too.
Isom tends to be preachy in this book and sees things only one way, and this disappointed me and sometimes angered me when I read this book. The book is unnecessarily lengthy, yet it doesn't expand on the discussions we should be having. It did not offer forgiveness or kindness to women and couples, and was more prone to blaming women for the slippage of men. At first, she also makes out marriage as solely a thing to avoid sexual immorality, meaning 'now that you're married, you can finally have sex!' which of course seems like marriage for a strange reason. I know what Paul said, but he says that as a last resort. Frankly, I do not think sex before marriage is solely wrong, and I think we should stop demonizing it. God says sex unites people, and it is a beautiful thing that brings people together in an intense and intimate way, and that is of course a wonderful thing. It is a pure thing that does not make one impure, although some people can cruelly abuse it and make it traumatic. But sex between two lovers should not be demonized, as sex as God created it is an expression of love. I think if it fulfills that expression, it is good. That is what the church and Isom should be focusing on, along with all the precautions and making sure people understand concepts of protection and considering whether or not one wants pregnancy of course. I am glad that finally at the very end Isom discusses how wonderful and unifying sex is meant to be and how sinless it can be, but it took a while for her to get to this part, which seems to be the part that this entire book should have been about.
In terms of the sexpectations that Isom describes due to porn or previous intimate actions before marriage, I completely disregard this as a lack of communication. A romantic relationship is forged by communication and openness. It should be fun to discuss sex with your partner, as well as informative. It should be a special moment when you and your partner get to learn more about one another and both of your bodies.
I think times in the church need to change somewhat, and this is coming from a Catholic and loves the traditions held in mass and all the hymns and readings. But, just because I like some traditions and wholeheartedly follow them, doesn't mean I don't think discussions need to be had, or changed need to be made. Both of these things certainly need to occur more often in the present day and we need to talk more about things like this. I appreciate Isom telling her story, and I am sure it resonated with many people, but it was at times disagreeable and it was more accepting of certain elements of Christianity and human ideas when it should have gone against them. I do not hate this book, as it actually further strengthened my own beliefs in what is right, and Isom made some good points at times that did in fact express the beauty of sex, but that is not truly what this book was about, even though I believe Isom wanted it to be.