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A review by emi_dilli
The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy by Lola Phoenix
2.0
Phoenix’s writing feels like a transcribed podcast composed of therapy notes and their own journaling; the book is therefore very self-referential.
Phoenix provides a number of helpful paragraphs that attempt to pick apart how trauma and anxiety affect adult relationships. Phoenix also touches on some elements of intersectionality, although only on a surface level. I wish Phoenix had drawn on other writers’ extensive work on love and attachment (Audre Lorde, bell hooks, even Bowlby?).
Content-wise, the book is mostly reassuring. Style-wise, the sentences meander, change subject, and misuse punctuation. You have to re-read and re-read to understand what is being said. Phoenix could have done with a better editor, half their word count, and about 500 more full stops.
Here is an example: “Although you're non-monogamous when you decide that that is the style of relationship that you want to have, when you actually put these concepts into practice, you're beginning to call your own bluff.“ (p129). I still don’t understand what this sentence is trying to say.
Useful sections exist, but the writing lacked the depth and rigour of scientific argument. Phoenix is attempting to reassure anxious people prone to self-doubt; however, I find the best anti-self-gaslighting tool is indisputably well-researched evidence and data. Phoenix’s writing is little more than vague memoir.
I realise I have grown used to self-help books that are packed with studies, statistics, and useful analogies. I enjoy writers who reference a plethora of experts and other writers (Shon Faye, Angela Chen, Rafia Zakaria, Katherine Angel).
Phoenix’s ideas are good, but their style lacks humour and rhetoric. Their style is certainly better suited to podcasting.
Phoenix provides a number of helpful paragraphs that attempt to pick apart how trauma and anxiety affect adult relationships. Phoenix also touches on some elements of intersectionality, although only on a surface level. I wish Phoenix had drawn on other writers’ extensive work on love and attachment (Audre Lorde, bell hooks, even Bowlby?).
Content-wise, the book is mostly reassuring. Style-wise, the sentences meander, change subject, and misuse punctuation. You have to re-read and re-read to understand what is being said. Phoenix could have done with a better editor, half their word count, and about 500 more full stops.
Here is an example: “Although you're non-monogamous when you decide that that is the style of relationship that you want to have, when you actually put these concepts into practice, you're beginning to call your own bluff.“ (p129). I still don’t understand what this sentence is trying to say.
Useful sections exist, but the writing lacked the depth and rigour of scientific argument. Phoenix is attempting to reassure anxious people prone to self-doubt; however, I find the best anti-self-gaslighting tool is indisputably well-researched evidence and data. Phoenix’s writing is little more than vague memoir.
I realise I have grown used to self-help books that are packed with studies, statistics, and useful analogies. I enjoy writers who reference a plethora of experts and other writers (Shon Faye, Angela Chen, Rafia Zakaria, Katherine Angel).
Phoenix’s ideas are good, but their style lacks humour and rhetoric. Their style is certainly better suited to podcasting.