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A review by shonaningyo
Why Do Men Have Nipples?: Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini by Mark Leyner, Billy Goldberg
2.0
I swear to God I reviewed this before... buuuut.. No seriously, I swear to God I reviewed this book before! As in, typed it down. Maybe I was dictating it to my Mum.. who knows...
ANYWAYS!!
At first I thought this book was good... But then I realized it wasn't.
Why?
Because in the middle of everything the author would stop and interject with some manuscript-styled ramblings with his partner-in-crime about some random shit that I don't give a FUCK ABOUT. Seriously. It didn't even make sense. Not even a little bit. And not even the funny-haha-this-is-so-random, but dude-did-you-even-pay-for-an-editor-to-take-out-this-kind-of-inane-shit?!-random...
And it got to the point where the author didn't even answer a few questions. Either that, or they were short and clipped. Some questions that required a short and decisive answer got a long rambling of stupid crap and facts and figures and statistics and historical background that I didn't friggin need, whereas questions that required that got basically nothing.
And at some point in reading this I came to a realization that this person who is supposedly in the medical field (either that or his crazy-ass friend who is helping to put together this crap) doesn't really know anything. Yes there's all this bark and woof-woof-woof of "facts", but seriously... what the heck are you trying to say?
AND! AND! This book is for people who are drunk? It mentions it and addresses that this is pretty much a handbook for DRUNK curiosos (people who are curious.. my own word) hammered enough to ask these stupid and kind of innappropriate questions, but not drunk enough to not completely comprehend that you're actually addressing the question.
That being said: Yes, take the formal route and use the official medical terms for EVERY SINGLE THING in this book. Don't dumb it down for us, don't even consider the idea that these people you are answering the question for have more than likely forgotten 11th grade Biology (or if they're Catholic, doesn't even know what a urethra is or what exactly the mons on a woman is) or have only seen a few seasons of House but still don't know all the details of the human body and how it works (cue eye roll and scrunched up face of happy-anger). That's great. You keep using your sharp, white, scalpel-y words that makes a normal person--let alone a drunk person-- feel very stupid for asking the question, because they sure as hell thought that a person who knew these kinds of things would probably make it easier for a layman to understand. Apparently they were wrong, and this is how all doctors or medical professionals talk when discussing something along the lines of what is in this book, and they should feel very stupid and foolish for thinking otherwise. And there goes the downward spiral of Jaegger as they drown themselves in their own feelings of self-hatred for thinking otherwise.
Seriously, dude. WTF?
AND FOR THE RECORD.
Men have nipples because we all started out as female in the womb. At the last second the Y chromosomes kicked in and it added male genitals and testosterone and stuffs... which is why boys still have nipples; just a remnant from what could have been (looks longingly into the sunset). And it's more than likely also why the vagina and the penis and their other hanging things have intrinsically -- or basically, when you get right down to it -- the same tissue makeup ... Also, if you want to look at it in another light, it's a way to mirror women, kind of to complement them by looking similar. Both women have eyes, noses, ears, hair (difference in growth rate and where it does grow , yes) and so nipples shouldn't be any different.
ANYWAYS!!
At first I thought this book was good... But then I realized it wasn't.
Why?
Because in the middle of everything the author would stop and interject with some manuscript-styled ramblings with his partner-in-crime about some random shit that I don't give a FUCK ABOUT. Seriously. It didn't even make sense. Not even a little bit. And not even the funny-haha-this-is-so-random, but dude-did-you-even-pay-for-an-editor-to-take-out-this-kind-of-inane-shit?!-random...
And it got to the point where the author didn't even answer a few questions. Either that, or they were short and clipped. Some questions that required a short and decisive answer got a long rambling of stupid crap and facts and figures and statistics and historical background that I didn't friggin need, whereas questions that required that got basically nothing.
And at some point in reading this I came to a realization that this person who is supposedly in the medical field (either that or his crazy-ass friend who is helping to put together this crap) doesn't really know anything. Yes there's all this bark and woof-woof-woof of "facts", but seriously... what the heck are you trying to say?
AND! AND! This book is for people who are drunk? It mentions it and addresses that this is pretty much a handbook for DRUNK curiosos (people who are curious.. my own word) hammered enough to ask these stupid and kind of innappropriate questions, but not drunk enough to not completely comprehend that you're actually addressing the question.
That being said: Yes, take the formal route and use the official medical terms for EVERY SINGLE THING in this book. Don't dumb it down for us, don't even consider the idea that these people you are answering the question for have more than likely forgotten 11th grade Biology (or if they're Catholic, doesn't even know what a urethra is or what exactly the mons on a woman is) or have only seen a few seasons of House but still don't know all the details of the human body and how it works (cue eye roll and scrunched up face of happy-anger). That's great. You keep using your sharp, white, scalpel-y words that makes a normal person--let alone a drunk person-- feel very stupid for asking the question, because they sure as hell thought that a person who knew these kinds of things would probably make it easier for a layman to understand. Apparently they were wrong, and this is how all doctors or medical professionals talk when discussing something along the lines of what is in this book, and they should feel very stupid and foolish for thinking otherwise. And there goes the downward spiral of Jaegger
Spoiler
(did I spell it right? I maybe Irish/German but I don't care for alcohol .. I'm only 16 for God's sake .. oh you'll say 'that's no excuse, I drank my first 5th of Whiskey when I was 11!' yes, but I find alcohol to be a disgusting poison.. I agree with the strait-laced religious people on this one... :/ )Seriously, dude. WTF?
AND FOR THE RECORD.
Men have nipples because we all started out as female in the womb. At the last second the Y chromosomes kicked in and it added male genitals and testosterone and stuffs... which is why boys still have nipples; just a remnant from what could have been (looks longingly into the sunset). And it's more than likely also why the vagina and the penis and their other hanging things have intrinsically -- or basically, when you get right down to it -- the same tissue makeup ... Also, if you want to look at it in another light, it's a way to mirror women, kind of to complement them by looking similar. Both women have eyes, noses, ears, hair (difference in growth rate and where it does grow , yes) and so nipples shouldn't be any different.