A review by just_another_ace_who_reads
The Course of Love by Alain de Botton
emotional
informative
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
This is such a unique little book, and after reading two romances before this, I really struggled to get into it. It felt more like the literary theories I've read than a book I saw compared to 'Normal People'. I see why the two would be compared, as this is an intense character study of two characters – Rabih and Kirsten – and the course of their love (as the title implies).
But I wouldn't go into this book expecting a kind of vague character study, one that is purely plot and no theory. It's more a mix of the two. The book is separated into sections, each with a chapter focusing on another area of love. It takes a while to get used to, but after a while, it was nice to read a section of Rabih and Kirsten's life, and the have a little vignette of philosophy from de Botton.
I think the downfalls of this book are some sections just didn't seem to be doing what they set out to be doing, and in some cases could bring across the wrong message, especially the study on adultery and sexual feelings for others outside of a relationship. I think de Botton had some good ideas, but he presented them in a way that wasn't explicitly clear not only of his position, but also not acknowledging the idea of those who don't experience sexual or romantic feelings regardless, or *consensual* open relationships. I feel like the lines were a little murky in this chapter, and there are other instances of this in the book as well.
I think that this book ended nicely, and in a way that made sense. If it had ended on "Ready for Marriage" (a chapter I found to be one of the most boring), it would have been a let down but the book ended as strongly as it began.
I feel like if you liked 'Beautiful World, Where Are You?' and the email exchange within that book, you'd be more inclined to like this than if you liked 'Normal People'. For my part, I'm glad I pushed through with this book, and although it took me a while I was writing notes on nearly every page I read.
Some of my favourite quotes:
"We learn the relief and privilege of being granted something more important to live for than ourselves"
"Love is, in its purest form, a kind of service"
"No one can hope to be strong enough to negotiate the thick tangles of existence, they maintain, without having once enjoyed a sense of mattering limitlessly"
"It is an expression of grateful wonder, verging on disbelief, that in a world of isolation and disconnection, the wrists, thighs, earlobes and napes of necks are all there, finally, for us to behold"
"They will never have to be resentful; they can continue to appreciate each other as only those without a future can"
"The only people who can still strike us as normal are those we don't yet know very well"
"The appropriate response is hence never cynicism or aggression but, in the rare moments one can manage it, always love"
"Some things need to go permanently wrong before we can start to admire the stem of a rose, or the petals of a bluebell"
"He is only a visitor who has managed to confuse his self with the world"
"This is what one has to take with both hands and cherish"
But I wouldn't go into this book expecting a kind of vague character study, one that is purely plot and no theory. It's more a mix of the two. The book is separated into sections, each with a chapter focusing on another area of love. It takes a while to get used to, but after a while, it was nice to read a section of Rabih and Kirsten's life, and the have a little vignette of philosophy from de Botton.
I think the downfalls of this book are some sections just didn't seem to be doing what they set out to be doing, and in some cases could bring across the wrong message, especially the study on adultery and sexual feelings for others outside of a relationship. I think de Botton had some good ideas, but he presented them in a way that wasn't explicitly clear not only of his position, but also not acknowledging the idea of those who don't experience sexual or romantic feelings regardless, or *consensual* open relationships. I feel like the lines were a little murky in this chapter, and there are other instances of this in the book as well.
I think that this book ended nicely, and in a way that made sense. If it had ended on "Ready for Marriage" (a chapter I found to be one of the most boring), it would have been a let down but the book ended as strongly as it began.
I feel like if you liked 'Beautiful World, Where Are You?' and the email exchange within that book, you'd be more inclined to like this than if you liked 'Normal People'. For my part, I'm glad I pushed through with this book, and although it took me a while I was writing notes on nearly every page I read.
Some of my favourite quotes:
"We learn the relief and privilege of being granted something more important to live for than ourselves"
"Love is, in its purest form, a kind of service"
"No one can hope to be strong enough to negotiate the thick tangles of existence, they maintain, without having once enjoyed a sense of mattering limitlessly"
"It is an expression of grateful wonder, verging on disbelief, that in a world of isolation and disconnection, the wrists, thighs, earlobes and napes of necks are all there, finally, for us to behold"
"They will never have to be resentful; they can continue to appreciate each other as only those without a future can"
"The only people who can still strike us as normal are those we don't yet know very well"
"The appropriate response is hence never cynicism or aggression but, in the rare moments one can manage it, always love"
"Some things need to go permanently wrong before we can start to admire the stem of a rose, or the petals of a bluebell"
"He is only a visitor who has managed to confuse his self with the world"
"This is what one has to take with both hands and cherish"