A review by emmasbibliotreasures
The First Day of Spring by Nancy Tucker

challenging dark emotional mysterious reflective sad fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? N/A
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

'So that was all it took,' I thought. 'That was all it took for me to feel like I had all the power in the world. One morning, one moment, one yellow-haired boy. It wasn't so much after all.'

Eight-year-old Chrissie knows she’s a bad seed. After all, everyone is always telling her so. But now she has a secret no one else knows. Something that makes her feel powerful and gives her a fizzing, sherbert feeling in her belly: she’s the one who killed two-year-old Steven. 

Fifteen years later, Julia is trying to be the best mother she can be to five-year-old Molly. Julia worries about everything. But most of all she worries that her past will return to haunt her and social services will take her daughter away. 

“I killed a little boy today.”

When a book starts with a sentence like that it grabs your attention from the start. And this one never let me go. Profoundly dark, unsettling, harrowing and moving, The First Day of Spring is aDarkly atmospheric, intense, haunting, affecting and thought-provoking, this book left me speechless. I loved it but felt totally hollowed out once it was over. This is an easy five stars from me and I’m sure it will be in my top reads of the year. Highly recommended. 

Rating: ✮✮✮✮✮

n extraordinary debut. Based on the real-life crimes of Mary Bell, a child convicted of killing two children in the sixties and was later released from prison with a new identity, Nancy Tucker skillfully explores the disturbing psyche of a child killer, asking if some people are born evil, and if forgiveness and redemption are ever possible for someone who kills. This deeply uncomfortable read is a story of murder, toxic families, neglect, poverty, trauma, and the shades of grey that exist between the black and white of morality. Tucker is an exceptional storyteller whose writing is compelling, perceptive, compassionate and menacing. Every word oozes darkness, malice, suffering, pain, and pent-up rage. But there is also helplessness, fragility, sadness and desperation woven in, creating a jarring contrast of emotions that will simultaneously send shivers down your spine and tug on your heart strings. This book broke me. I haven’t stopped thinking about it and I know it will stay with me forever. 

“I liked it that way. It meant I got to be a killer but I also got days off from being a killer. Because being a killer was quite a tiring thing to be.”

Tucker has created a cast of seriously complex characters for this book. They are damaged people trying to survive their hard lives, often resorting to desperate measures, and remind us that no-one is ever all good or all bad. Chrissie is a character I will never forget. She has never known love or affection, she’s always hungry, her clothes are dirty and tatty, and no-one ever wants her around. She is all-too aware that her life is unfair and she’s seething about it. It makes her vindictive and she lashes out at other children, bullying them in an attempt to seize back some power and control. It was devastating to read and my heart broke for her. But, equally, being immersed inside young Chrissie’s mind was a chilling and disturbing experience, something which was enhanced by the juxtaposition of her angry, sinister thoughts and her childish innocence. To me, it felt obvious that her terrible actions were those of a desperate, lost and mixed-up child crying out for love and attention rather than someone who was evil. Though that doesn’t mean I don’t condemn her actions, because I do.

“Because any kid who stayed with me would grow up a jigsaw of rotted, crumbling parts.”

Julia is a very different character.  Anxious, anguished and emotionally scarred, she’s haunted by guilt and feels undeserving of happiness. But, first and foremost, Julia is a mother who loves her daughter, Molly, so much that she hates being separated from her even while she’s at school. She’s determined to be a good mother even though she has no example from her own mother, who was neglectful, uninterested and abusive. I was proud of Julia for refusing to continue this cycle, as it would have been easy to be a bad mother and make excuses. Julia is a bundle of nerves and worries about everything from how she will afford tonight’s tea to if the school mums like her. But the thing she worries about most is losing custody of her daughter. My heart broke for her and I was rooting for her as she really was remorseful and trying her best.

“People kept forgetting me. It wasn’t good enough.”

Darkly atmospheric, intense, haunting, affecting and thought-provoking, this book left me speechless. I loved it but felt totally hollowed out once it was over. This is an easy five stars from me and I’m sure it will be in my top reads of the year. Highly recommended.