A review by thyprecious
Реальная жизнь by Imogen Crimp

reflective

3.5

This was a very quick read - or rather listen - for a discussion in a book club. I’m not sure why but the first time I picked this up, it didn’t really catch my attention, so later I had to listen to an audiobook to make it in time for the club.

I can’t say that I actually liked any of the characters here. Anna - despite  my understanding of how she got to be the way she was - still really annoyed me with her constant adaptation to the needs of others. Perhaps because I used to tend to be that way too, though not to such extent. I felt like I wanted to shake her and make her see how she plays a role with everyone in her life, never being herself. Actually I think she might not even know what the real Anna is like. 

Luckily, she has music in her life. This is where she could at least experience things and emotions that she doesn’t allow herself to feel in real life. Instead of being in the present moment, she is always somewhere else: either in her fantasies or playing a role. 

Taken into consideration her upbringing, it’s not surprising that she acts like a typical nice girl trying to please the others and that she finds herself in an abusive relationship. Unable to stand up for herself, she allows other people to treat her badly, lives in a shitty apartment with landlords who have never heard of personal boundaries; she even chooses to get by on convenience food only need to avoid sparking a conflict. It’s not in her habit to trust her own judgement, or have her own opinion. The way she was always worried about not saying or doing anything wrong not to push away the people in her life irked me every time. 

Max is a successful man who’s got power and money, but he doesn’t have what Anna has - and that is dedication and true commitment to her field of work and study - music. This is perhaps what got him hooked in the first place. She positions herself as an ambitious artist who has goals and aspirations to become someone, and achieve something great through work and talent. 

I can’t say that their relationship was of any particular interest to me; what saved this book for me was the music and opera descriptions. The author draws such a vivid picture of behind the scenes of musical theatre, and the process of reinvention of the classic characters - through which Anna probably learns something about herself, too. 

I didn’t like the overly open sex descriptions, and I’m not a fan of the discussions Anne and Laurie’s friends were having about ecology, feminism, and other topics on the agenda. 

By the way, Laurie in my view was a great friend, and Anna was quite unfair to her. Laurie was gently trying to bring Anna back to reality, like an anchor. As much as Anna is trying to be a good girl, she’s actually quite egocentric and diffident, constrained by the constant fear of rejection - and throwing her life away to please one man doesn’t help her much. 

Max is surely not a good person here as he is clearly using Anna knowing well enough that she would allow him to do whatever he wants as long as it pleases him. However, none of us are perfect and I can’t say that any of the characters here were truly bad people. Max and Anna are just different people going through their personal crises, be it work or identity or the question “who am I in this world?”

This is a nice book for discussion, especially due to the many psychological aspects of an abusive and codependent (one sided in this case) relationship.